Page 72 of Dirty Grovel

“I’ll say goodnight then.”

He doesn’t make eye contact before he starts walking away.

He doesn’t look back, either.

My heart sinks as I watch him go, knowing that Sydney and I are truly on our own. I suppose the illusion that we weren’t was just wishful thinking on my part.

It was all in my head.

Along with the rest of all the things I’d just started daring to hope for.

22

SUTTON

The next morning, we deal with Jesse’s day off and my bad mood by grabbing coffee in the city after dropping Teo and Bear off with his grandparents.

I’m feeling marginally better than I was when she finally got home last night—although that might have a little something to do with the fact that this is my second hot chocolate of the day.

“So—tell me everything,” I order as Jesse sits across from me, beaming like the Cheshire Cat. “How was it? Did he pay for dinner? Did he kiss you at the end of the night?”

Jesse laughs. “It was great. Yes, he did pay for dinner, even though I offered to split. Yes, he did kiss me and before you ask, yes, it wasamazing!”

I grab her hand and give it a squeeze. “I’m so happy for you, Jess.”

She bites her lip and plays with the utensils beside her. “I’m trying not to get my hopes up. It was just one date, after all. And what if it doesn’t work out? We’ve been friends for almost tenyears. Can we go back to being friends if it doesn’t work out or have I just shot those chances to hell?”

“Whoa, whoa,” I protest, holding up my hands. “Why are we talking about a break-up before you guys have even started a relationship?”

“Because I tend to overthink.”

“Well, stop,” I insist. “You need to enjoy this part. There’s nothing like the excitement, the butterflies, the anticipation of a new relationship.”

She smiles nervously. “Is it naïve to say that I really hope this works out?”

“Not at all,” I reply, ignoring the tug at my chest. “Why is it lame to admit that you want a happily-ever-after? I do, even though I know it’s not going to happen.”

Jesse’s eyebrows rise. “You said that with a lot of confidence.”

I shrug. “I’ve only ever been confident about two things in my life. The first is that my mother should really stay single. And two, I wasn’t meant for a fairy tale ending.”

“Sutton…”

“Sorry,” I interject. “I didn’t mean to turn the conversation around on me.”

“I’m glad you did. We need to talk about whatever it is that’s got you so down this morning.” My brow furrows and Jesse nods. “Yes, I noticed. You’re not as hard to read as you think.”

I smile weakly. “Just when it comes to men then.”

She crooks her fingers towards me. “I command thee to spill. Did something happen between you and Oleg? I noticed him walk away fast when I drove up last night.”

“It’s not worth mentioning.”

“Clearly, it is, if you’re still riled up about it.”

“It’s just more of the same,” I mumble, head hung low. “I feel like I have no autonomy, no control over my own life or the direction it’s going in. I’m just floundering here, at the mercy of a man whose list of priorities is ten feet long. And I’m at the very end of that list.”

“You don’t mean that.”

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