Page 54 of Dirty Grovel

SUTTON:How are you doing? Still trapped inside your room?

SYDNEY:Yes but I’m working on an escape plan.

SUTTON:For God’s sake, Syd. You need help. Maybe there’s some way I can do something?

SYDNEY:You’ve got enough to deal with. I’ll manage this on my own. If I really need help, I’ll let you know.

SUTTON:How much longer are you going to waste away in there before you accept that you can’t get out on your own?

That message gets the silent treatment.

I spend the rest of the evening stewing in my room about the Palmer women and the men we choose.

I used to think I was one of the smarter ones.

Now, I see that I may be the stupidest.

My mother never claimed to love any of the men she was with. But me? I’ve gone and made the epic mistake of developing feelings for Mr. Wrong. A man who told me from the start, in no uncertain terms, that a real relationship between us was off-limits.

As it turns out, the joke’s on me.

Always has been.

Exhaustion is the only thing that drives me to my bed. But sleep is far from relaxing.

Restless and uneasy, my dreams reflect my waking mind. There are fiery accidents. High-speed chases through long, winding tunnels.

And eventually, a large, lonely boat in the middle of a dark and stormy sea.

I can barely stand upright or see straight. Wind, thunder, and lightning swirl around us like locusts. My baby clings to my chest, his high-pitched cry echoing over the storm.

Then there’s Oleg, calling to me from the other side of the boat, urging me to his side.

I can’t hear him, though.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t hear him.

Then I blink once and my baby is no longer at my chest. He’s clear across the boat with his father.

I try to run to them, but my body feels so damn heavy. I can barely make it move.

Oleg is still shouting things. The storm drowns it all out.

A huge wave crests over my head. I brace myself as it pushes me further and further away from Oleg.

When I finally come to, I can see them in the distance, separated from me by a towering wall of black, angry water.

“No!” I scream.

But my voice has no sound, just like my feet have no power.

Oleg and my baby keep getting smaller and smaller. I’m stranded in the middle of the ocean, with no sense of where I am or how I’m going to survive this.

Alone again.

And again, and again, and again?—

“NO!”

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