Page 35 of Dirty Grovel

She laughs. “I was terrified. But I was happy, too. It was the happiest accident of my life.”

I nod, looking over to Teo, who’s made friends with an older man and his pet labrador.

Iamhappy about the baby.

It’s just that there are so many question marks, too.

Oleg may not be sure, but I know who the father of this child is.

Which means I know what the paternity test will reveal.

And once he has confirmation, that’s me, trapped for life, bound to a fate that I’m not sure I want now that Oleg and I don’t have our fake marriage to fall back on.

Because the truth is, fake or not, it was something that linked us to one another. Something that put us on the same team.

But now, it feels like we’re miles apart.

I’m not sure I can spend my entire life watching Oleg move on with his.

“Hey.” Jesse nudges my arm. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed.”

She smiles sympathetically at me. “How about we go to the shopping mall? You can spend some of Oleg’s money? I never met a problem a little retail therapy couldn’t fix.”

I have no interest in shopping, but maybe a distraction is exactly what I need.

“How about we go get some ice cream instead?” I suggest. “I’ve never met a problem that ice cream can’t fix.”

Jesse shakes her head. “You are a breath of fresh air.”

A stroll down one of the streets in the strip is exactly what I need to lighten my mood.

That and Teo’s ice-cream-smeared face. Chocolate, of course, so it looks like he shoved his face in a mud pie.

“For God’s sake, Teo!” Jesse laughs. “We’ve got to get you cleaned up.”

I gesture back towards one of the public restrooms we just passed. “I’ll wait for you guys here.”

With an exasperated smile, Jesse herds Teo towards the restrooms, while I twist around and enjoy the bustle of the crowded Nassau streets.

It’s hard to feel depressed with the sun shining down on my face and a belly full of ice cream.

Maybe I can find a way to salvage this situation.

Maybe I won’t have the kind of love stories that poets write about—but at least my child will have every opportunity in life.

Maybe Oleg and I will never be madly in love with each other—but at least we can find a way to be cordial.

There’s hope, I tell myself.There’s hope yet.

Almost as if the universe is trying to reinforce my positivity, a ray of sunshine falls just across the street, highlighting the tall, muscular silhouette of a very familiar man.

“Oleg,” I whisper.

I wave, but he doesn’t see me.

He’s looking down at his phone. When he finally puts it away, he looks down the street as though he’s waiting for someone.

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