Page 125 of Dirty Damage

A gasp from behind the door silences my thoughts, slices straight through them to the heart of the matter:Is Sutton okay?

I shoulder through without knocking, prepared for… I’m not even sure what.

But notthis.

Sutton is bent over the vanity, head bowed, shoulders trembling as she stares down at the blue box in her hands. For a single second, I think this is it. Artem just asked me what would happen once she was pregnant, and now, I’m going to have to find out.

Then Sutton jerks towards me, the box falling to the floor at her feet… and tampons spill across the shiny tile floor.

Her gaze slides past me as she drops to the floor, scooping the tampons back into the box. “Tampons. They’re just— I started my period.”

She’s shaking all over and none of this makes any fucking sense.

“I thought you were hurt,” I say wearily.

She shakes her head, her voice catching as she speaks. “I never minded getting my period. Now…” She swallows hard, and Iwatch her throat work against the tears she’s fighting. “I’ve been dreading it. I thought it might happen. When I was out with Faye today, I thought I might be about to… I didn’t expect to be so disappointed.”

“Is that why you came home early?”

Maybe she wasn’t spying.

Maybe she wasn’t trembling because of what she overheard.

She nods, shoulders lifting in a light shrug. “I felt it come on, but I guess I was still hoping…” Her voice cracks. “I just feel like a failure.”

Something in my chest tightens—an unfamiliar ache. Before I can think better of it, I’m pulling her into my arms.

The hornets in my skull quiet when I hold her, replaced by a different kind of buzzing. I start to forget why I was suspicious in the first place.

Because that’s what Sutton does to me. She walks into a room and suddenly, my razor-sharp edges feel dull. My iron-clad logic develops cracks.

“You’re not a failure,” I reassure her. “These things take time.”

Her laugh is weak against my chest. “You hired me for one specific purpose. And I’m not delivering.”

“It’s only been a couple of months.” I run my fingers through her hair, noting how she shivers at my touch. “It took Artem and Faye a year before Lily came along.”

Her eyes go wide. “You’d be okay if this took a year?”

I consider it. The old Oleg would have cut his losses, found another solution. But something about this woman has rewired my circuits, scrambled my priorities.

“What other option do we have?” I pull her closer and breathe in the vanilla scent of her shampoo. My body responds to her nearness, picking up her vibration like a gong, filling with her, resonating with her. “In any case, I enjoy trying.”

She slaps my chest. “Don’t joke.”

“Who’s joking?” My voice drops an octave as I remember all the ways we’ve “tried” so far.

In the shower, the kitchen, the car… On her knees, on mine…

I’m getting hard at the memories alone.

“The longer it takes, the more we need to try. Two, three times a day if necessary.” My hand slides lower, proprietary. “Hell, we can try right now.”

Burying whatever I’m feeling inside of her would be easier than admitting she’s gotten under my skin.

Easier than examining why I want to erase the sadness from her eyes instead of interrogating her.

She pushes me away with a watery smile, but there’s heat in her eyes that wasn’t there before. “I guess I didn’t realize how badly I wanted this until we started trying.”

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