Page 54 of Mother of Death and Dawn

I did know. I knew intimately what humans did with unbridled destructive power, because I was the power, and it was my hands that drew the blood of their own peoples.

Still, I did not speak.

“Aefe,” Caduan said, my name like a caress—too gentle for the anger I felt. “I didn’t want this to be you. But we need to find these magics. We need to leverage them before the humans do. Trust me when I say I have tried all other ways. But you are the only key we have.” He took one small step closer, and again, I stepped back. “You, Aefe. I need you.”

Three words that landed like a strike.

I need you.

I had heard those words before, whispered or begged in the minds of the humans who held me.I need you,they would plead, before they unleashed me to inflict death upon their own.I need you,they would croon, before they betrayed me.

And here he was—Caduan, another one attempting to wield me, saying it again.I need you.

I want what you can give me.

Be my weapon.

The hurt spilled through me like acid.

“No,” I said. “No, I will not do it.”

I cannot do it. Not this. Not again.

Caduan looked pained.

“This cannot be a request, Aefe,” he said, gently. “Not this time. I tried to find every other option.”

My blood pooled in half-moons in my palms as my fingernails cut into my skin.

“I told you,no.”

“You don’t have a choice.”

Choice.Choice!I hated that word, hated it the way I hated dreams that never materialized.

“I haveneverhad a choice. I have been given the choice to be— to bemorethan this. I will not be your weapon. Not again.Never.”

I did not realize I was shouting until my throat began to ache, my voice growing hoarse.

My hand closed around a quill sitting on the desk beside me. Distantly, I heard a loud slam as the door flung open, smashing against the wall. Luia ran into the room, her sword drawn.

Caduan shouted—“Luia, stand down!”—in the same moment that the quill went hurtling directly towards his emerald eyes.

He grabbed it from the air before it made contact, fist white-knuckled around the golden pen.

“One hundred and eighty thousand days I have been at the mercy of human kings,” I snarled. “And if you think you are any better than any of them, you are afool.”

Still, Caduan met my stare. Calm. Affectionate, even.

Perhaps in another life I would have killed him—killed him for making me feel so ashamed, so betrayed, so abandoned. But today, I turned on my heel, pushing past Vythian and through the door. “Let her go,” I heard Caduan’s voice say.

“Aefe—” Meajqa murmured as I passed him, softer than the others, but I ignored him, too.

I walked down endless stairs, out the door of the castle. I walked through Ela’Dar’s streets, and I did not even care about the stares.

I kept walking and walking and walking, until I was no longer in Ela’Dar at all.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

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