Page 108 of Ash and Feather

“You have to let me go,” I said. “I have to return to the divine realm. I have to let the rest of my court know that I’m safe, or else…”

Her expression hardened so swiftly, so violently, that it made my heart skip several beats. “Or elsewhat?”

“It’s just—”

“What have they told you?” she asked. “That you’ll be punished if you don’t come back to them when they call? Like a dog, beaten for refusing to heel?”

“It’s not like that. You’ve got it all wrong, again.”

“Or maybe they’ll take out their disappointment on the mortal realm instead? How very like our reveredgods, to throw a fit when they aren’t the ones controlling the show.”

I couldn’t refute this point, I realized, so I simply sank back onto the bed, clenching my hands into the scratchy sheets.

Savna turned away, muttering, “Let them come get you if they value you so much.”

Who’s holding who hostage, now?I wanted to snap.

It wouldn’t have solved anything between us, though, so I held my tongue.

Her back remained to me. I noticed then that the door to the hallway was open. It would have been easy enough to make a run for it. But how far could I get in my current state? And how dangerous were the wards wrapped around the perimeters of this house?

Before I could decide whether or not to chance it, she spoke again: “Do you know what I risked to go to Mindoth and find you? All the others were against it. We had other things, bigger things, to focus on, aside from you. But when I realized you would be there, I could think only ofrescuing you.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t find a way to reach you sooner, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’re finally together, now. That’s what matters. You’re safe. Whatever it takes to heal you from whatever the gods have done to you, whatever you need—I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

I held more tightly to the sheets in my fists, trying to breathe normally over the massive lump that had formed in my throat.

I’m right here.

I’d had dreams like this.

In between my many, many nightmares, occasionally there would be one like this, where my sister found me. There was light. Warmth. Her voice comforting me as I trembled. These were thegooddreams, I’d always thought—the kind I held on to for strength, for hope, for clarity.

But now I was living one such dream, and there was no denying it felt more like a nightmare.

Quietly, I said, “I didn’t need rescuing.” She opened her mouth to argue, but I continued without giving her the chance:“And just because we’re together again doesn’t mean we’re a family again.”

Though they were true, I wanted to take the words back the instant they slipped past my lips.

But the damage had already been done.

Savna’s face fell, whatever argument she’d been preparing dying a cold, silent death. Her face paled, her expression turned stony. Like a gravestone marking yet another loss between us. She muttered something about needing to go send a message to someone. Then she was gone again, tapping her hands softly together as she left.

Clap.

Clap.

Clap.

And just like that, I was alone.

I sank down to the floor and cried until I ran out of breath.

At some point,I must have drifted off, because I opened my eyes to the sight of moonbeams spilling across my bedroom, reaching toward my outstretched hand, but not quite touching it.

I was still on the floor. I’d pulled my sheets from the bed. They were tangled around me, cocooning me in a feeling of safety. I’d often slept that way as a child—wrapped so tightly I could hardly move—and some part of my mind must have longed for that safe surrender.

Foolish mind.

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