Page 158 of Ash and Feather

Then, he simply said, “You’ll be Karys.”

I grabbed one of the spare pillows, clenching it tightly against my chest. “Yes. I suppose. Whatever that means.”

He propped himself up behind me, trailing a comforting hand along my tense muscles.

I kept my back to him as I swallowed a frustrated sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I should know who I am by now.”

“I don’t think figuring that out is a particularly easy task for anyone, whether goddess or human or elf.”

“Maybe not. But it’s hard to love a person in flux, isn’t it?” I was thinking, not only of myself, but of my sister—of all the ones I’d tried to love throughout my life, and all the different versions of them I’d uncovered.

Dravyn gathered me more fully against him and settled back into the mattress with a sigh.

Silence stretched between us—not entirely uncomfortable, but full of questions. Of painful, heavy things that we weren’t ignoring, but that neither of us wanted to talk about just then. Iwas content to leave the conversation here, to let him get back to his rest. These things were keeping me awake, but I didn’t need him to suffer alongside me.

I started to tell him this.

Then he said, “Wildfire, do you not understand? I lovewhoyou are. Not what. Who you are, and who you were, and who you’re becoming. Your fire, your ashes, your everything in-between…” The words were a bit slurred, spoken against my skin, growing softer as he drifted toward sleep. But they were certain. Without hesitation.

I kept perfectly still, letting those words sink over me. Trying to convince myself I deserved them. That I could trust them.

Slowly, I rolled over to face him.

His eyes were closed again. Just as well; this way he couldn’t see the tears building in mine. I’d cried entirely too often, lately, and I was done with tears for now. I had to be.

His words from earlier resurfaced in my mind—I won’t stop you if you want to go somewhere else.

A ridiculous statement. I never wanted to leave his side.

Not now, not ever.

And for the moment—as I curled into his chest and closed my eyes—I refused to think of the day ahead, and of all the things that might tear us apart.

Chapter 37

Karys

Sunrise finally came.

I rose to greet it alone. Dravyn’s side of the bed was cold, his scent faint. But I could still feel his magical energy nearby, so I knew he remained in the palace.

I cleaned myself up and dressed quickly, trying not to dwell too much on what the day held. I would get through it one step at a time, by onlyfocusingon one step at a time—starting with leaving this room.

Easy enough.

Except, I froze at the threshold, overcome by a sudden compulsion to get every step between now and my meeting with my sister correct.

In the past, I could usually shake this sort of fear off by being careful about how I stepped into certain places, making sure to lead with the correct foot, to hold my body in the correct posture.

But now a new, even more ridiculous and illogical fear consumed me:What if I needed to change the way I moved between places?What if that was the first step to fixing all thethings I wanted to fix—through this meeting with my sister and beyond—and I got it wrong?

The questions kept repeating, growing more complicated, spiraling into a paralyzing chorus of what ifs.

What if, what if, what if…

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