Page 166 of Flame and Sparrow

“I was going to tell you,” I said again. “IswearI’d decided I was going to tell you.”

“Tell me what? That you intended to stab me with this whenever you’d fully gained my trust? Whenever you got close enough to make it a fatal blow?” He lifted the knife between us, and for a moment I thought he intended to stabmewith it—but then he flung it aside, throwing it so hard it left dents in the marble as it skipped across the floor.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the blade as I said, “I had plans to test that weapon on the things in this realm, yes, but I changed my mind. It’s like you said earlier: I’m not the same as I was at the beginning of this.”

He met my gaze—truly met it—and hope flickered in my chest.

“We can fix this,” I said. “Together. We’ll think of something.”

He shook his head. “You need to leave.”

“I can’t go, I—”

“You can’t stay here. It isn’t safe.” He no longer roared. He didn’t even sound angry. His voice was a wrecked whisper, and somehow that was worse, like the fire between us was wavering, in danger of flickering out.

Please don’t let it go out. Please, please, please—

He turned away, heading toward the nearest exit, hesitating only long enough to glance back and say, “Follow the river that leads away from Galim…you remember the waterway that will take you back to your home, I assume.”

I did. I didn’t want to, but I did. “Where am I supposed to go after that?”

“I don’t care,” he said, “as long as it’s anywhere but here.”

I don’t care.

The three words briefly paralyzed me, echoing over and over in my mind, the only thing I could hear, the only thing I could think—until I realized he was walking away.

“I’ll see what I can do to lessen the damage and keep the rest of the courts from learning of this information,” he said as he strode quickly through the door, his form starting to shift as soon as he was in open space.

I caught up to him as wings of fire unfurled from his back, watching helplessly as the rest of his body began to unravel, spiraling into threads of flame that twisted to form the outline of his massive eagle form.

I stumbled back toward the palace as the heat around him reached an unbearable level. His eyes met mine one final time before they were lost within the inferno engulfing him, and I heard his voice like an echoing, lingering memory from a nightmare—

“Just get away from here while you still can.”

Chapter45

I stoodon the shores of the river I’d previously taken back to the mortal realm, bag slung over my shoulder, heart breaking.

I’d been standing here for several minutes, unable to make myself dive into the strangely thick, silvery water.

Body trembling, I knelt, swinging my bag in front of me to check it one last time—as though this was just some normal trip I needed to make sure I’d correctly packed for.

In truth, I felt guilty about packing anything, and I was contemplating throwing it all out, letting the river wash everything away…all this evidence that could further incriminate me. All this proof I was a thief, just like my sister had been.

Except these things felt like theybelongedto me now.

The Star Goddess’s crown, the glass sparrow, the feathers from the bed Moth had made himself in my room… Everything I could fit of this world had been swept furiously inside, just as I’d done the night my sister died. I’d hardly paid attention to what I’d thrown in my bag then, either; I just knew I needed to hurry and get out, but I couldn’t leave everything behind.

My hand closed around a small silver flask at the bottom of the bag—the container I’d transferred Melithra’s water into.

I wanted to dump it out. I wanted to drink it. I didn’t know what would happen if I did the latter—I assumed it would be fatal at this point. I’d failed to prove myself worthy of standing among the gods, after all, and the cost of failure was death. That rule had been made clear from the beginning.

I couldn’t help thinking death would be easier than going back to my old home.

Gritting my teeth, I tossed the water back into my bag, burying it alongside everything else. I wouldn’t drink it, but I couldn’t let it go. Maybe it would help me return to this realm somehow; if things calmed down, maybe…

“You’re a fool,” I hissed at my reflection before swiping a clawed hand through the water, scattering it.

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