Page 154 of Flame and Sparrow

“I know my sister did the same thing years ago,” I continued, still somewhat reluctantly, “and I needed to walk where she had, that’s all. To try and make sense of her and what she did.”

Mairu was quiet for some time. “And did you get the answers you hoped for?”

“Not really,” I answered, honestly. “Just more questions.”

We stood in silence, the exasperation in her expression eventually giving way to concern, which softened the hard edges of my anger—at least for now. A tentative truce.

“You shouldn’t have gone alone,” she said.

“Would you have gone with me if I’d asked?”

“Of course.”

I snorted.

“You don’t believe me?”

Another admission fell from my lips before I could catch it. “I’m not sure what I believe anymore. Or who I can trust. I thought Dravyn and I…” I trailed off, shaking my head, and started to walk in the direction of the palace.

Zell followed dutifully at my side, nudging his head under my arm and lifting as if trying to pull me up onto his back. I didn’t want to ride him again just then; I still felt bad about how I’d used him. And I needed to feel the earth beneath my feet, to ground myself against something solid.

Mairu followed as well, trailing at a short distance. “You actually rode that beast, huh?”

“We’ve gotten close.” I gave him a rub between his stubby antlers. “Animals are less confusing when it comes to trust and affection, I’ve come to realize. It’s much easier to care about them and not end up regretting it.”

She nodded, though her expression was troubled when I glanced over my shoulder at her.

We walked for several minutes before she put that trouble into words. “The God of Fire cares deeply for you, you know.”

I stiffened. “So he led me to believe.”

She quickened her step until she was nearly in front of me, staring as if she could stop me with merely a look, with no need to employ her controlling magic.

I kept walking.

“If he didn’t care about you,” she said, “then the Death God would have broken you the first time you encountered him and his beasts—long before today.”

I finally slowed, looking at her before I could help myself; I was curious.

Too curious for my own good.

“The Death Marr’s magic can draw out even the deepest of a person’s secrets,” she said, “but he usually breaks the mind in the process.”

Unpleasant memories of nearly crumpling on the cliffs, the God of Death looming over me, gripped my thoughts and made my pulse quicken.

“If Dravyn had not intervened when you trespassed in Harithyn, Zachar’s magic would have taken the information we needed from you by force. This whole ordeal with the trials, withyou…we could have avoided it all. We could have learned what we needed about your sister and the rest of your background, your allies—all of it—then discarded your broken body somewhere, simple as that. Valas and I were tempted to take this route in the beginning, to be honest. But Dravyn refused. So which do you think is more important to him in the end? You, or the information you carry?”

I started to walk again.

He was determined to protect me—I didn’t doubt that. I just wished he’d been honest about what he knew about me before now.

“The other courts were furious when they learned we’d brought one of your kind into our territory,” she went on, catching up once more. “Another point where he could have—probablyshouldhave—broken and discarded you somewhere. But again, he didn’t.”

I still couldn’t fully wrap my mind around whatever feelings Dravyn had for me, so I tried to stay focused on the bigger picture. “Do the others fully know who I am now? About my sister and everything? The God of Storms spoke as though he had everything about me figured out.”

“Rumors travel as quickly through divine air as they do through mortal air. Quicker, maybe. Neither Valas nor I breathed a word, but Zachar lives for such gossip. And his relationship with the God of Fire is somewhat strained, if you haven’t noticed. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’s been fraternizing with other courts in an attempt to hurt Dravyn. He likely saw it as a way to distract from the Edgelands business, too—get the other courts mad aboutyou, and they might overlook any of his failures. Which is idiotic, as the Edgelands problem is a much more pressing matter. But there’s no divine law against the gods being idiots, unfortunately.”

Another round of chills went through me as I began to realize how messy the realm around me was truly becoming. I’d been so preoccupied with my own scheming that I’d been ignoring most of the growing unrest.

---