Page 145 of Flame and Sparrow

The next morning,I refused to let Rieta into my room when she came to do her usual cleaning routine. I locked her and everyone else out, and I sat at my desk and looked over all of the notes, maps, and diagrams I’d made about this realm, thinking through my next steps as best I could with a battered and bleary mind.

I’d cried myself to sleep last night. Tears had threatened again when I woke up, cold and alone, stricken with the realization of how different things had been this time yesterday. How different—yet how similar to the morning after I’d woken up following my fight with Andrel.

Physically, I was fine, this time. No broken arms or anything else.

Mentally was another story, entirely.

I had been lied to, kept in the dark by everyone I had ever dared to trust. I was trying to hold tight to my shredded confidence, but it was hard to trust even myself when it felt like I’d misjudged and overlooked so many things.

But I refused to be reduced to nothing more than tears and regret.

So I was going todo something—starting by following through with the idea I’d had weeks ago, when I’d first learned of the Tower of Ascension.

I was going back to that tower to see its magic for myself.

I would walk where my sister had walked, see what she’d seen, try to make sense of why she’d done the things she did. What she’d taken, and how she’d gotten away…I wanted answers, and though I didn’t fully trust my own mind anymore, I still believed I was better off relying on myself to get those answers, rather than anyone else.

I didn’t know what I would do with whatever magic or information I encountered in the tower, but the important thing now wascontrol. If I had the facts, the firsthand knowledge and experience, then I could figure out the rest.

My plan started with the sword resting on its customary place in my room.

You’ll be granted access to it through the two relics you’ve earned from the two courts, thus far, Dravyn had told me, and I assumed he was telling the truth in this case because I’d seen evidence of it—the way Hydrus had reacted to the tower when I got close to it yesterday.

I suspected the Star Goddess’s crown might do the same thing. I would take them both back to the tower with me, and hopefully, they would help me find a way in.

Next, I had to devise a way to get to my destination—to travel quickly enough that I could get there and back without my absence being noticed. An idea for this struck me later that afternoon, when I spotted Zell sniffing around the tack building, clearly searching for something.

I remembered what Dravyn had told me about the selakir’s love of dried savos fruit. I tracked down a large stash of these treats, and I spent the next few days feeding a generous amount of them to the creature. I spent hours with him, not just treating him but talking to him, brushing him, trying to gain his trust.

As an added benefit, it gave me an excuse to get out of the palace and avoid the God of Fire. I told him a partial truth when he inquired about it—that I was merely spending so much time with Zell because bonding with the creature brought me comfort.

He didn’t argue or dig any deeper than this, as we had reverted back to the rhythms of the week prior—painfully aware of one another, but going to great lengths to avoid speaking any more than we had to.

Further hindering any chance at reconciliation was the continued unrest between the divine courts; he disappeared for long stretches to deal with various problems that popped up, often with little notice—so it wasn’t difficult to find the time and privacy I needed to focus on my own schemes.

After three days, Zell began to anticipate me and greet me with enthusiasm. Affection, even. Later on that same day—after Dravyn and everyone else had retired to their rooms for the night—I risked fitting a saddle onto the selakir. He tolerated it well enough, so the next night I did it again, and this time I climbed onto his back and let him get used to the weight of me.

He seemed a bit disgruntled and confused, but he didn’t so much as bare his teeth at me, so I considered it a success.

I kept up this strategy for another few days until, on the fourth day, an opportunity to move on to the next part of my plan presented itself.

I was rounding a corner when I nearly collided with Dravyn. He caught my arm, steadying me as I stumbled back. His touch lingered against me. Webothlingered, closer to one another than we’d been in days, for far too long before I came to my senses, pulled free, and took a step away.

I’d meant to take more steps, but something in his troubled gaze rooted me to the spot.

“You’re up early,” he commented. “Which is good, because I…I wanted to see you before I left.”

“Left?”

“I have some business in the mortal realm to take care of. I likely won’t be back until late tonight.”

I didn’t ask for details about the business; I no longer trusted he’d tell me the truth about it, anyway. All that mattered was he was leaving—so I had an entire day to work on my plans without fear of him interrupting.

“I’ll see you when you get back,” I said in the cordial, stiff tone I’d used in all our conversations these past days.

His tone had been much the same, and it remained so now—though it did falter a bit toward the end as he said, “I’d like to see you then.”

My heart clenched.

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