Page 174 of Flame and Sparrow

“They tricked you, Karys. Give it a few days, and I have a feeling you’ll see the last months in a much clearer light.”

It was the same thing Andrel had said, essentially. Only it sounded more logical coming from Cillian. And I had always been a fan of logic. Maybe that was where I’d gone wrong…the moment I started to let my heart lead where Dravyn was concerned, everything had gone to hell, hadn’t it?

Sighing, I settled down on the floor and went back to staring outside.

Everything was still painfully confusing, but I felt better the longer I sat with Cillian. He was perhaps the one good thing I’d come home to; the one thing I would have missed if I’d managed to make my initial escape and never returned to this place.

“So you didn’t know about my sister’s divine adventures,” I thought aloud. “But there are still other things that don’t make sense, right? Don’t you have more questions about everything happening around us?”

He considered my words for a long time, eyes narrowed in concentration. Then, somewhat reluctantly, he said, “These anti-divine weapons that have suddenly popped up…I do think they came about too quickly.”

My ears perked up at this. “Meaning what?”

More hesitation, but then he said, “The sort of craftsmanship that went into them…given my own experience with weaponry and such, I can safely say that the knowledge and materials required for such weapons didn’t show up overnight. I was excited when Andrel and Kinnara showed them to me, but also a bit…confused? Skeptical?” He shrugged, a troubled look clouding his bright eyes. “They claimed they wanted me to help create a more finished product, but truthfully, I didn’t need to do much; they already had detailed notes and everything.”

“So do you think Andrel has been building something bigger behind our backs for years now? And maybe my sister was involved, too?”

The question brought even more disturbing ones to mind.

Had he tricked her into going to the divine realm, to find a way to help fuel his larger, more sinister plans?

Was he the reason she was dead?

“I don’t know,” said Cillian. “But I believe the ends will justify the means when it’s all said and done.” He tried to turn his frown into a smile that I don’t think fooled either of us. “Your sister used to say that a lot, for what it’s worth.”

I took a deep breath. “I think my sister was wrong about a lot of things. And so is Andrel.”

He was staring at me. I could sense his gaze like a weight hooking into my body and trying to drag me back to him, back to some place where he could keep me safe, as he always had.

But I no longer cared about stayingsafe.

And I wouldn’t take back what I’d said. It felt too cathartic, finally saying it out loud.

For so long, I thought such catharsis could only come from destroying the gods, making them pay for everything wrong with my life.

Andrel used to tell me as much—that the only way to peace, to balance and healing, was through revenge. He was the one who had put most of the ideas about bringing down the gods into my head. And I’d been so desperate to find balance and meaning, to carry on my sister’s legacy, that I’d eaten up every word he’d fed me.

Now I understood: He didn’t want me to heal. He never had. Why would he, when my anger was so much more useful to him than my peace?

I still didn’t know whatwouldbring me closure, but I was going to try and find that out for myself from this point onward.

“I know you’re mad at Andrel,” Cillian began, uncertainly. “And you should be. But you can’t go back to the divine realm, either, and if you start speaking up in favor of the gods, and against all the plans we’ve been making, it isn’t going to be safe for you to stay here, either.”

“Then I’ll leave.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple. Andrel is…” He cut himself off abruptly.

My gaze darted to his, fierce and expectant.

“You need to be careful,” he concluded, simply.

“I am not afraid of him.” It was a lie, but I made myself sound confident enough, I thought.

“Well, I’m worried on your behalf,” Cillian said. “After you left last time, he was…difficult to deal with. I did my best to smooth things over, but if there’s one thing he can’t stand, it’s looking foolish—and you made him look like a fool, running away from him after essentially attacking him with the gods you believe to be your allies.”

“He made himself look like a fool,” I spat, getting to my feet again.

The concern and uncertainty in his expression deepened.

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