Page 142 of Flame and Sparrow

Chapter38

“You’re lying.”

Moth soared from my shoulder and took to the sky, startled by the sudden venom in my voice.

Dravyn took the furious accusation in stride, keeping his gaze fixed on the ocean as he quietly said, “You can’t remember any time in the past when your sister might have disappeared without explanation?”

“She was always disappearing, going off on missions without me, that doesn’t mean—”

“Some point around six years ago, specifically, when she was gone longer than usual? Long enough to make you curious about what she was truly doing?”

I tried to keep arguing, but my breath hitched and the words got caught in the back of my throat.

I didn’t want to remember what he was asking me to, but I could.

Gods, I fuckingcould.

My stupid, obsessive memory was as relentlessly clear as it ever was, and a particular moment in time stood out…one I could remember with nauseating clarity.

It was one of the first times I’d been left entirely on my own after our mother abandoned us. For nearly a month, I’d been left in our house alone, but I hadn’t questioned it; I was simply doing what my sister asked of me—thinking of the greater cause. Trusting her more than I trusted anyone because she had been the only constant in my life, the point by which I set my compass.

She’d eventually returned as promised, haggard and haunted-looking, but still in one piece. Of course I’d been curious. But she’d assured me everything was fine.

So I’d believed everything was fine.

And I wanted to believe everything was fine now—that what Dravyn said was not the truth. Thegodswere liars. Not my sister. And this was just another lie from another god, just another attempt to trick me.

“She would have told me if she was involved in something like this.” I backed away from him as the words tumbled breathlessly from my mouth. “She wouldn’t have left me to go somewhere as dangerous as this without telling me the truth—she wouldn’t have risked her life and left me there all alone. You’relying.”

He started after me, reaching a hand toward my arm, but stopped when I shook my head and warned him off with a livid glare.

I froze in place. So did he. We stood mere feet apart, but it felt like miles. My hands shook. My heart felt like it was plummeting out of existence, the pull of its collapse drawing my lungs, my stomach, all my other vital organs into a freefall with it.

Meanwhile, the God of Fire stood there looking perfectly calm and composed, and I hated him more in that moment than I ever had before.

“I’m sorry, Karys,” he said.

His apology felt like a slap in the face. I didn’t want an apology from him. I didn’t want his pity. I wanted to go back to the beginning of things and try again, to not fall for him the way I had. To not let my guard down. I should have been focusing on trying to unearth this information he’d been keeping from me, instead of spending so much time kissing him and gods…I felt so damnfoolish.

“How could you keep this from me?” I demanded. “You knew this yesterday. And last night. And this morning, every time we…we…”

“I can explain—”

“How?”

The air flared hotter around us, but he took a deep breath and quickly cooled it. “Because I needed to know what had truly become of your sister and what she took, as I said. There are things about the situation that don’t add up, and you wouldn’t have told me what I needed to know if I’d simply asked it of you in the beginning.”

I’d been wrong last night. He didn’t see me as I wanted to believe he did—I was nothing more than a means to an end.

“So you were using me.” My voice was brittle, in danger of breaking.

His jaw clenched. “No. I was studying you. Trying to make sense of you. But what I found is not what I expected, and things got...complicatedafter that.” He took another deep, calming breath. “Because I quickly realized you were just as clueless as anybody about all of the questions we had.”

“I am not clueless,” I snapped.

“I didn’t mean it as an insult.”

My claws itched and tingled at the tips of my fingers, but I kept them retracted. For now.

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