Page 117 of Flame and Sparrow

Broken, I’d heard one of the servants whisper.

These latest fissures in my life went much deeper than bone, it felt like.

I wrapped my uninjured arm around myself, trying to calm my unsettled stomach while pressing my hidden knife more firmly against my body. The blade’s vibrating had stopped, but the poison sleeping within it remained. As did the poison in my heart.

I no longer fit into my old world as I once had. That much was clear. Yet I still carried the weapons of that world. I still held to the hatred that had first brought me into this divine realm, because my sister was still dead, the gods were still dangerous, and the world down below was still changing, threatening to erase my kind from existence.

But now…

What was I supposed to do now?

“Karys?” Mairu said, taking an uncertain step closer. She was holding out a vial of some sort of foul-smelling tonic—she’d been offering it to me, I realized. “This should help with the pain.”

It smelled like the same concoction Dravyn had given me after my first encounter with the Death Marr. Remembering how much better that tonic had made me feel, despite its off-putting taste, I accepted it with a thankful nod.

The Serpent Goddess lingered close to me, still looking hesitant. “If you want to talk about what happened with your—”

“I don’t.”

Valas let out an unimpressed snort. “Well, with all due respect—which is none—fuck him and his stupid pointy ears and beautiful face. If I were you, I would never speak of him again. Ortohim, for that matter.”

“Valas,” Mairu hissed. “You’re not helping.”

The God of Winter mumbled something indistinct in reply.

I downed the tonic Mairu had handed me in a few gulps, then wandered away from the two of them, pacing the edges of the vast room.

I didn’t disagree with Valas, but how could I simplylet goof so many years of my life? It wasn’t just Andrel. It was everything. Cillian, the place we’d called home, all our allies, the legacy of my sister, my father…

Had I severed my claim to all these things by disappearing in a flash of flames and divine power? It had seemed like the smartest thing to do at the time. Now it seemed like the most cowardly thing.

Coward. The word burrowed itself into my mind. I raked a hand through my hair as if I could claw it out—both it and the memory of Cillian’s stare, of all the questions in his eyes that I had no answers for.

My pacing came to an abrupt halt as the front door swung open.

Dravyn stormed inside, still looking ready to burn something down.

The heat surrounding him fueled my own growing fury with the situation, and I did nothing to try and calm the rising fire—anger was easier than trying to process what had happened.

I wanted to burn something down, too, all of sudden.

“You told me that I could come back here when I needed to,” I snapped at Dravyn. “Not that you would bestalkingme through that bracelet you gave me.”

“I wasn’t stalkingyou,” he shot back. “The bracelet was meant to make sure you returned to me in one piece, which is what I told you. And it did as intended, didn’t it?”

“Yes, but what else were you able to feel through it in the meantime? To see? To hear? Have you been tracking me all along?”

He didn’t reply, and my blood boiled even hotter as I marched toward him. “I gave you my word that I would return, didn’t I? Did you not trust that I would? Is that therealreason you gave the bracelet to me?”

“That’s not the reason. I did trust you. Tonight I just…”

“You justwhat?”

His voice lowered. Still annoyingly calm compared to mine, but clearly frustrated. “Tonight I just needed to make sure you were okay.”

My heart stuttered in my chest, and for a moment I feared it might never beat correctly again. When it finally fell back into a normal rhythm, I was even angrier than before. Because this was all wrong. This was not part of any plan or goal I’d set—this apparent concern he had for me.

“I was fine.”

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