Page 64 of Ties of Frost

“Renown is hardly the chief concern of a rengir.” Sajen’schair scraped across the floor. He stood and moved to stand on my other side. “Zidra earned the Merit, but even without it, she is a fearsome and cunning warrior, a kind soul, and a dedicated and pious servant of Iskyr. She deserves your pride and respect, and if all you have to offer is scorn, you may go and leave us in peace.”

Artur took in Sajen’s bulk, appearing unimpressed. “A wyveri who requires others to defend her is hardly deserving of my respect.”

“She requires no defense,” Kyrundar said. “We defend her simply because we care about our friend. Perhaps you have no friends and so cannot understand.”

My companions’ words both bolstered and crushed me. Nothing they could say would change Artur’s mind. Wyveri treasured their superiority too much.

Artur shook his head, his expression sad. “You are weak, Zidra. And your weakness harms the clan. The Merit gave us hope, but you’re just as inadequate as we suspected. It’s unfortunate your nephew is too blinded by hero worship to see that.”

The building panic in my chest came to an abrupt halt. “What about Zarik?”

“You haven’t heard?” Artur’s eyebrows leaped up. “He broke your brother’s and sister-in-law’s hearts and left last winter for Harcos Academy. He wants to be a rengir.”

“Because ofme?”

“Because of you,” Artur confirmed, but the way he said it made it sound like I’d convinced Zarik to become a criminal.

“At least Zidra isn’t the only wyveri with any sense,” Kyrundar muttered, plenty loud enough for shifter hearing.

“How could Zarik have decided to become a rengir and I didn’t know about it?”

Artur wrinkled his nose. “Zarik doesn’t want you to know because he doesn’t want any special treatment at Harcos or from the Order. I imagine your parents and sister didn’t tell you because aside from the difficulty of getting a message to a rengir, when Zarik made his announcement, your mother declared she’d never speak to you again. If you’d achieved the Emperor’s Merit without the accomplishment weakened by your partnership with an elf, perhaps she would have changed her mind, but I don’t see that happening now.”

Some fragile hope in my chest cracked with a physical pain that threatened to bring me to my knees.

“That is quite enough,” Kyrundar snapped.

“May Iskyr treat you with the same regard with which you treat his servants,” Sajen declared—a blessing turned curse that sounded particularly ominous in his deep voice.

Somehow, I found my voice. “Excuse me.”

I barreled past him and out of the Sunbathing Seal. Kyrundar fell into step beside me before I made it far down the pier, but he didn’t say anything as I tore through the city and back to the Haven. More people filled the streets as evening approached, and focusing on not bumping into anyone provided me with a distraction from my bruised emotions.

But once the door shut behind us in our room, therewas nothing to keep my mind off Artur’s words.

Kyrundar watched me, his expression strained, like he wanted to speak but had no idea what to say.

My thoughts crashed into each other, tangling together. “I was right,” I whispered. “My people are ashamed of me. A shared Merit is a failure, not an achievement.”

“You deserved the Merit, Zee,” Kyrundar said. “And they may not all think that. He’s one person, and your family seems a bit…harsh. They don’t speak for every wyveri. They certainly don’t speak for every Laedreshian citizen. Those townspeople we saved didn’t see you as inferior. I don’t see you as inferior.”

I only half heard him. My cousin, my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, presumably also my sister, all of them saw me as a failure and blamed me for losing Zarik, too. Could I ever do anything that would change their minds?

Kyrundar eased closer and lightly grabbed my shoulders. “He was cruel. He chose to be cruel, knowing his words would hurt you. And your parents and sister—they’re wrong to treat you as they have. They’re wrong to disdain you for having a different set of skills than they wanted or a different career than they envisioned. You are not in the wrong here. It’s not your fault they can’t appreciate you for who you are, for the person you were made to be.”

My throat tightened. I blinked rapidly, determined to remain strong and in control.

“Artur is a fool, and worse, a mean-spirited fool. Your parents and sister are shortsighted and selfish. Their behaviorand words hurt because they’re designed to, and because they’re based on lies. Do you understand?”

I stared at the ends of his white hair lying against his blue tunic. Perhaps he was right, perhaps he wasn’t. I wasn’t certain I understood the point he was making, but I couldn’t respond. If I tried to speak, I’d break.

Kyrundar placed the side of his forefinger beneath my chin and tilted my head up until I unwillingly made eye contact with him.

“You’re allowed to be in pain, Zee,” he said softly. “You’re allowed to admit it hurts. That doesn’t make you weak or make your family’s cruel and stupid opinions right. It means you’re a person with a heart that can bleed, like you’re supposed to be. And neither Iskyr nor I will judge you or turn away from the tears you have every right to cry.”

His eyes glistened as if he, too, were barely holding back tears.

A shudder went through me. “Artur didn’t even know…” My words turned into a choked cry. A sob wracked my chest, and the tears I had locked away no longer obeyed my commands but fell hot and fast down my cheeks. But I had to say the rest.

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