Page 37 of Ties of Frost

Sylathria turned back to me and narrowed her eyes. She wagged her finger in my face. “Don’t be so long a stranger this time, Kyr.”

I chuckled abashedly. “You know I can make nopromises, Syl. I go where the prompting of Iskyr leads.”

“Mmm.” She raised one eyebrow. “Remarkable how often that prompting leads you to Zidra.”

Heat flamed over my face. Across from me, Zidra pursed her lips, raised her eyebrows, and inclined her head in silent, accusatory agreement.

“Er…” I cleared my throat. “A fortunate coincidence.”

“Mm-hmmm.” Sylathria’s knowing smile was unfairly smug. I’d have wondered whether she knew about the heartbond if I hadn’t known that was impossible. “Enjoy the desserts, both of you.” With that, she departed, leaving Zidra and me in strained silence.

We ate the desserts without a word. When the last jam-filled cookie was gone, Zidra started to rise.

“Wait.”

To my relief, she settled back onto her cushion, although she didn’t meet my eyes.

“What you said—that I’m helping you out of pity or using you to bolster my own reputation or feel good about myself or for any other reason. It’s not true. I certainly don’t pity you, Zee. You’re the most incredible, awe-inspiring, and terrifying person I know. You deserved the Merit and didn’t need my help to get it, and I’m not friends with you only for glory or recognition. I follow you because we’re friends, because we fight well together, and because I thought we both had a better chance of achieving everything we dreamed of by working together.”

I fiddled with my teacup to give my hands something to do. “But I haven’t thought about how you might interpretmy actions. I never asked if you wanted me around. Looking back…”

The words lodged in my throat, and I opened and closed my mouth several times before I could make myself say it.

“I ignored signals you didn’t want my assistance. I thought you were just not used to having people around and supporting you and would get more comfortable over time. Or at times I believed you were putting on your prickly and unapproachable act but were secretly glad I was there, because wedofight so well together, and you never said otherwise—but that’s not an excuse. If anything, maybe it makes you right, in a way. I did think I was helping you, by giving you friendship and fighting at your side, but I didn’t ask if you wanted friendship or aid, and perhaps it was…I don’t know. Proud or foolish of me to assume you’d want my friendship. I never intended to hurt you, but I did, and I’m sorry.”

Silence greeted my declaration. I couldn’t make myself look at her. I didn’t dare access the heartbond, afraid of what I might find. My shoulders slumped.

“And if you don’t want to be friends anymore, if you want me to leave you alone after we find Rouven”—I gulped—“I understand.”

After several tense moments, Zidra still hadn’t spoken, so I lifted my gaze from my empty teacup. She hunched over the table and rubbed her thumbnail. As if feeling my eyes on her, she glanced up and immediately looked away.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice as thin as the organzahangings. She stood. “We should collect our things from the Haven and start for Klavon’s Port in Gamnica. That’s the most likely place from which to charter passage along the Glacorian coast.”

Smothering my disappointment at her lack of acknowledgment of my apology and attempt to make amends, I dragged myself to my feet.

“And thank you for the tea, Kyr.”

My head jerked up and my lips parted, but she was already marching out of the room.

Fifteen

Zidra

After we retrieved our packs and replaced our bedding—regretfully leaving the washing for someone else to deal with—I requested we detour to Ravensburgh’s messenger guild. While Kyrundar waited outside, I wrote a brief letter to Sajen explaining the attack by the wolvus and panthera, describing their mention of a ‘league’ ruled by an archon, and warning him to be careful. I considered telling him to stop investigating for his own safety, but I doubted he would listen.

After I paid for the letter to be delivered, Kyrundar and I bought some dried jerky and hardtack with my dwindling supply of coin and headed north. Restless and needing more movement than flying on Kyrundar’s hovering ice disks afforded, I requested that we walk for a while. To my relief, he didn’t argue. If he’d pointed out time wasimportant, I wouldn’t have been able to disagree. Also a relief, he didn’t insist on filling the silence with more shaky analogies or apologies I didn’t know what to do with.

Maybe I had judged him too harshly. While he was correct that he hadn’t considered my feelings or desires, the thought kept pushing into my mind that I hadn’t asked him his intentions, either.

And why did everyone think I needed friends? Sajen, Kyrundar… Perhaps two people wasn’t actuallyeveryone, but it felt like I was being attacked from all sides.

Two are better than one.

The words came from a memory of a teaching on Iskyr’s gift of community and commands that we help each other, but it wasn’t merely a memory. Not often did I feel—or hear—Iskyr’s prompting so clearly.

Guilt pricked me, not least because despite my claiming that I had forgiven Kyrundar, my outburst at the Blooming Lotus indicated otherwise. Certainly, I had heard before that forgiveness is often an ongoing practice, but I’d not had to actually, well, practice that before.

Were Sajen and Kyrundar right? Did I need to let other people help me more often than I did? Which, admittedly, was almost never, unless someone forced their assistance on me, like Kyrundar.

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