Page 14 of Ties of Frost

“Ruining my life!” I shoved upright and glared at him, unmoved by the shock and hurt coursing through the bond. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be in this fire-blasted infirmary!”

“Yes, because you’d be dead in the ruins of Grivolen!”

I bit out a disbelieving laugh. “Please. If you hadn’t been there distracting me with your ridiculous craving for glory, I would have been more alert. I would have sensed the trap earlier. I probably wouldn’t have even gone into that cellar, because I would have been alone and able to insist they come out to talk to me. I wouldn’t have been distracted by you getting yourself hurt, and that ice elf couldn’t have tricked me into thinking you were his target. I’d have been more cautious, and I wouldn’t have been struck by that ice curse!”

“Craving for glory?”

“Yes! You’re so afraid I’ll outshine you that you’re constantly following me around!”

Kyrundar’s eyebrows rose. “Seriously?” He shoved to his feet. “You think I help you because I’m intimidated by you?”

“Why else would you show up and insist on aiding me when I never asked? And Iknowyou must be responsible for this ‘Kyrmaris’ nonsense. Tying our names together and insisting yours come first!”

“First of all, Kyrmaris rolls off the tongue the best! Zidifir is ridiculous, Eilifir is too close to Ilifir, and Zirundar is too long—”

I gasped. “I knew it! You insufferable—”

“But I didn’t come up with it! A friend of mine did, but that’s beside the point. I accompany you tohelpyou! Would anyone know about your greatest feats if I weren’t there to see and then tell people about them so the stories spread? We both know you’re not as good at public perception. I mean, take your display at the Ceremony. You almost looked angry to achieve your life’s ambition! Why are you upset with me after I helped you get what you told me you most wanted?”

My mouth fell open. As much as it had hurt to share that moment receiving the Emperor’s Merit with Kyrundar, and as frustrating as it was to believe that he kept following me for his own selfish benefit, this was so much worse. He thought I couldn’t earn the Merit on my own? That he was so much better than me that I wouldn’t get anywhere without him? For a moment I stared at him, and then I leaped off the bed and pointed at the open door.

“I don’t need your help or your pity!” Tears threatenedmy eyes, but I refused to cry. “Get out! Leave me alone!” I spun around, hating my own weakness.

“Zidra—”

“Go away.” I pressed my eyes closed and willed back the tears. I wanted to shift and either fight him or fly away, but I couldn’t do either. If Quillan was right that my dragon fire destroyed Kyrundar’s barrier, shifting would kill me.

But the shame cracking through my heart might kill me anyway.

Never good enough.

Kyrundar didn’t believe I was capable on my own, and thanks to him and the shared awarding of the Merit to “Kyrmaris,” no one else ever would, either. My parents. My siblings. My clan. The wyveri. The entire empire. Maybe I wasn’t. What if he was right? I’d thought Kyrundar had ruined my chance at standing on the palace steps alone and receiving the Emperor’s Merit, but perhaps if we’d never fought together, I’d have been standing in the crowd with the other rengiri watching Kyrundar receive the Merit.

Everything I had worked for, and it meantnothing. I wasn’t good enough.

“My parents never told me how confusing a heartbond can be,” Kyrundar said quietly. “I know you’re feeling hurt and ashamed and disheartened, but I don’t understand why.”

“Because you’ve always had sea-foam for brains.” I regretted the harsh words the moment they left my lips, and even more so when I felt Kyrundar’s hurt through the bond.

A rapid, distant tapping diverted my attention. I tilted my head, listening. Two pairs of rushed footsteps, and someone breathing heavily.

“I want—”

I held up my hand and faced the door. “Someone is coming.”

If Iskyr blessed me, it would be the apprentice bringing Physician Mirlanwen, and this ice elf healer would get the ice magic and this heartbond out of me.

Six

Kyrundar

I stepped between Zidra and the door. “Friend or foe?”

“Either way, I don’t need your protection,” she huffed.

My shoulders tightened. “You can’t shift, and you have no sword.”

“And whose fault is that? On both counts!”

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