Page 25 of The Exile's Curse

"Haven't you spent enough time in far-flung places?"

She lifted her hands in a helpless gesture. "I've spent time in one far-flung place that was hardly of my choosing. It's not the same thing. Surely you can see that? Is it wrong of me to want to see something of the empire?"

"No. It just feels...fast? You've only been back two weeks." His tone was wistful.

Chloe nodded. "I know. But it's not as though I would leave tomorrow, if they do decide to let me join. It was months and months before Imogene ever joined a mission. I'll have to do some training. And most of the missions given to junior officers aren't that long. You'll barely notice I'm gone before I'm back again." She hoped that would appease his concerns. Months sounded far too slow for her liking. Not that she could control the timeframes. But slow or not, she didn't want to hurt her parents more than she had to. "I need to know that I can go where I want, Papa. Anglion may have saved me, but I was trapped there. You don't know what that's like."

"You might be surprised," Henri said. "When you get older, when you have a family and obligations, it also narrows your choices."

"I understand that. But it's not the same. You and Mama could travel wherever you wanted. She's well enough now, and any Academe in the empire would be happy to offer you a job for whatever length of time you chose. You have options. Choosing not to take them is not the same as not having them to begin with."

"You have options, too," Henri objected. "You can return to the Academe. Once you have your magic steady in your hand again, you could do anything."

"And what I want to do is this," she said, her temper sharpening. "At least, it's what my heart tells me to do. Maybe I'll hate it and I'll be out at the end of my first deployment. But regardless, I have to try. I love being back here, love spending time with you and Mama and the others, but it's not enough for me, Papa. You didn't raise me to be idle. And all that time in Anglion taught me to work, to be busy." If only to maintain her sanity. Throwing herself into the store and the fine details of running her business and making it successful had kept her mind occupied. Stopped her from thinking too hard about Illvya in the beginning, and then, as Anglion had started to feel more familiar and without any hint that she might return one day, the focus had been what she needed to feel whole.

She dipped her hand into her pocket, fingers rubbing the wax seal on the envelope. "I have to do this or I'll never know who I can be. I've had too many choices taken away from me already. I intend to drive my own fate from now on."

Henri sighed again. "I should have coddled you more," he said, one side of his mouth quirking. "Made you into one of those home-loving daughters."

She smiled. "Well, you didn't. And you can't change me now."

"I've never wanted to do that, darling. And I still don't. I only want you to be happy. And safe. But I know you’re sensible, so I will focus on the happy and ignore the portion which involves gadding about the empire."

"The empire is hardly a hotbed of danger now," Chloe said. "It's not like diplomats are sent home headless anymore. I'll be surrounded by soldiers. And mages. And sanctii." There were wild tales from the early days of history, when the emperors had still been building their empire. Back then, diplomacy had been a chancier venture. Now it was more focused on keeping things running smoothly. In truth, it was more the travel and going to other countries and seeing how people lived there that interested her over the actual diplomacy part. But she would take the less interesting parts to go with the challenge of being able to move around as she wanted.

"Donotmention headless diplomats to your mother," Henri said. "In fact, could you wait to tell her until you know for sure? I fear she’s going to be upset, and it might be easier to present her with a deal that is already signed and sealed. Otherwise, she'll try to talk you out of it. She won't be able to help herself."

"Of course," Chloe said. She'd had no intention of telling her mother one second before it became necessary. It had been easy to see that Ana would indeed try to convince her to change her mind. Better to not upset her any sooner than she had to.

"And you will still come back to the Academe, take lessons with Madame Simsa when you can?"

"I expect that it will be a condition of me joining up," she said. She didn't intend to deceive the army and lie about her magic. That would be pointless. She’d been found out. The Imperial mages had their own schools, of course. Imogene had learned how to bond her sanctii from the army, but Chloe wasn't considering that option just now. She couldn't imagine how her mother might react if she arrived home with a sanctii in tow.

Perhaps a petty fam one day. Something for company once she had a place of her own. Petty fams were also acceptable to the army. Her mind flew back to Mai, in the Raven Tower. Sophie's Tok was a character, and she'd always liked the ravens.

A petty fam would be company in an unfamiliar world. But it wasn't the right time to add another new thing to her life. If she was destined to have a familiar, the right one would present themselves at the right time.

"Are you unhappy about that?" Henri asked. "Have I been pushing you too hard to return?"

She shook her head. "No, Papa. Don't be silly. I love the Academe, and I know I need to reacquaint myself with my magic. Madame Simsa has been helping me already. I was just thinking of something else. Nothing of any import."

Henri smiled somewhat ruefully. "I wish your love for the Academe had let me convince you to stay here and teach. I think you would be good at it." He held up a hand. "But I understand your reasoning. I can't say I'm entirely happy about it, but I know you need a life of your own. And that you have to find your way again after so long."

"I didn't know I would feel this way," she said softly. "When I returned, I thought I would be perfectly happy."

"It would be strange if you were," Henri said. "Change is never easy. But you know that better than most, I expect. And so I will be a good parent and help you do what you need to do."

Chapter 9

It seemed ridiculous to be more nervous to be meeting with the diplomatic corps than the emperor. But Chloe’s palms were clammy and her pulse jittery as she walked through the halls of the barracks, following a black-clad ensign who looked barely old enough to be out of school.

Maybe that meant she was too old to be there.

No. This was the last hurdle. No time for doubt.

She swiped her palms quickly over her skirt and straightened her shoulders. Curious faces looked up as the ensign led her into an outer office, two rows of two desks arrayed like small gates before another inner door. The ensign ignored them all and went straight for the door. Chloe followed.

"Come in," a voice called out.

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