Page 18 of The Exile's Curse

Imogene snorted. "I hardly need to share his talents to know that can't be true."

"I don't want to talk about Charl," Chloe said, whirling to face Imogene. "I can't change what happened."

"Of course you can't," Imogene said. "But that also means you can't change the fact that it still affects you. That what he did altered your life. But you can control your reaction."

Chloe clenched her jaw, anger chasing away some of the distress. She had been nothing but controlled foryearsnow. "Maybe I shouldn't have come back."

Imogene's eyes widened. "What? That's ridiculous. You're Illvyan. You belong here, with the people who love you."

"The people who love me can't see me as who I am," Chloe said. "You don't know who I am now. You love me, I know that. I love you, too. But to you, I'm still the idea you used to have in your head of me. I want to be the person I am now. And I don't know how to become that here in Lumia. With all of it hanging over my head." She snapped the fan out in frustration, flapping it back toward the townhouse. Maybe it would cool her temper along with her face.

To her credit, Imogene didn't flinch or try to argue. She just regarded Chloe for a moment, the moonlight glinting off her diamonds, then asked, "Who do you think you are?”

Chloe blinked. She'd been expecting an argument. More protests that she should just give herself time to adjust. That she'd find her feet. That she'd fit back in. But why should she fit back in? Maybe there needed to be changes.

"I wanted to join the mages, once upon a time. Travel. See the world a little. Do some good. Like you did."

She hadn't realized until she spoke the words that they were true. Or still true, perhaps. Joining the mages was a dream she'd made herself let go of when Ana had fallen ill. And then she'd buried it entirely in Anglion. Holding onto it would have torn her apart. To survive there, she had to be small. It sounded strange to say it out loud. But it didn'tfeelstrange.

"Well, you could still join," Imogene said in a matter-of-fact tone.

She blinked. That wasn't the answer she'd expected. "I'm too old," she said. Most mages joined the army straight out of the Academe.

"Not for the diplomatic corps, if that's what you want. Diplomats need brains, not muscles." Imogene smiled. "Not that you're not capable of defending yourself. But the corps looks for other skills than the ability to wield a sword. You'd be an asset. You can't deny you have unique experience to bring with you."

"Don't they also want skilled mages? I'm rusty. Very rusty." Madame Simsa still hadn't let her try her water magic.

"Rust is polished away easily enough. What matters is whether the metal beneath is still strong. And you were always strong. You've proved that by surviving Anglion for a decade. You can do this, if it's what you really want to do."

"It might kill my mother," Choe said, naming another fear. "I'm not sure she'll cope if I announce I want to go traipsing all over the empire."

"Your mother is no longer ill," Imogene said, waving her fan dismissively. "And yes, perhaps she will be upset. But she'll forgive you if she sees it makes you happy. And she wouldn't forgive herself if she realized you were staying in Lumia and hating every second just to make her happy."

"I'm not so sure about that. She hasn't wanted to let me out of her sight."

"Also a natural reaction. But one that will ease with time. It might even speed things up if you went on a short mission and returned safe and sound. It would set her mind at ease to know you aren't going to vanish again."

The tightness in her chest was easing, the night air cooler now against her skin. Imogene made it sound easy. And that it was normal that she should want to attempt this. Was she right? "What if I hate it?”

"Well, then, you return and try something else. Nothing is set in stone."

Easy for Imogene to say. Her life had followed a steady path after that one unexpected fork when she met Jean-Paul. She had money and power, and no one would gainsay her if she decided to take up an eccentric interest.

She didn't have to earn a living. And she hadn't lost ten years of her life.

But Chloe didn't know how to explain the lurking sense of time slipping away from her. "I guess. It all seems so daunting. How would I even apply to the mages now? Recruiters aren't looking for people like me."

Imogene grinned. "No. But they listen to their officers. Like me. I can promise a stellar recommendation. And they listen to generals from the regular corps. Like my husband, who adores you like one of his sisters. But in your case, love, if you truly want to move things along, I recommend starting at the top. Ask Aristides for his blessing, and no one else will stand in your way if he grants it."

Aristides. The name rolled so easily off Imogene's tongue. Chloe had met the emperor in Anglion, but she wouldn't have dared to address him as anything but Your Imperial Majesty. He had been kind to her, but it was hard to forget the power he wielded. With a word, he'd offered her the pardon and the means to come home. With a word, he could take that away again. He held the power of life and death over all the empire's citizens. Hardly a man one could regard casually. But apparently Imogene felt differently.

"And if he doesn't?"

"Well, then, you try things the regular way. Work at the Academe for a month or so to brush up whatever skills you are worried about, then go to headquarters and make your case. But I don't think the emperor will refuse to help. He brought you home. He wanted me to help you rejoin society. He seems to have taken an interest in you."

Was that a good thing or a terrifying one? "Why do I have the feeling that if Aristides orders them to take me on, that will come with its own set of problems?"

Imogene shrugged. "There may be some degree of resentment, but I doubt it would go much beyond that. Raw recruits get set some odd tasks, testing their mettle, so to speak, but I doubt they'd tease you too much. You're bringing more to the table than some fresh-out-of-school Academe student." She grinned suddenly. "Trust me, I was one of those. You know far more than I did back then."

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