Page 5 of Unholy

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I swear I hear the demon whisper Bingo, but I am still too lost in the memory. The time Gabriel wanted to jump off the White Dove Bridge. We were 16 and inseparable. I had asked him what was going to happen if the water wasn’t deep enough, and Gabriel just smiled and said “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, dove.”

We didn’t cross the bridge. Went only walked to the middle. We sat with our feet dangling off the bridge on a warm summer day. I was terrified. I didn’t want Gabriel to jump. I thought he was going to kill himself, so I distracted Gabriel by talking to him.

“What’s your biggest secret? One that you haven’t told anyone,” I asked, looking out over the water.

“If I told you then it wouldn’t be a secret, now would it, dove?” I heard the smile in Gabriel’s tone before I even turned to see it. Gabriel’s blond hair was rustled by the wind, his green eyes sparkling in the bright sun. That’s one thing I always loved about him. He could smile at a thunderstorm.

“Come on. I’ll tell you mine,” I offered, returning Gabriel’s infectious grin.

“Okay. You go first.” Gabriel bit his lip and looked away, jiggling his right foot. I could feel Gabriel’s leg move against my own.

“I’ve never kissed a girl,” I blurted out before I could think better of it. My cheeks reddened with embarrassment.

“Really? Never wanted to or…?” Something about Gabriel’s tone was hopeful.

I faltered. I had never really thought about it. I figured it just hadn’t happened for me yet. “I guess I never really found someone worth kissing.” I shrugged, picking up a nearby pebble and chucking it into the river for lack of something better to do.

“Oh.” When I turned back around, Gabriel had an odd expression etched into his delicate features. I couldn’t place it, but it’s one I’d never seen before.

“What’s yours?” I asked on a breath, leaning closer to Gabriel.

Gabriel didn’t answer right away, he just stared at me. His pink tongue came out to wet his lips. He leaned closer to me, bracing his hand on the bridge. I drifted closer on instinct. Gabriel wasclearly uncomfortable voicing his secret - maybe he plans to whisper it to me.

Gabriel’s free hand came up to cup my jaw. I didn’t process it, though. I was too focused on learning Gabriel’s secret. Next, Gabriel’s damp lips pressed against mine, and they felt heavenly. Divine. Perfect in every way. I closed my eyes, allowing Gabriel to deepen the kiss.

Wrong.

My eyes popped open.

Sin.

I pushed Gabriel away from me.

Unholy.

I stood up quickly, breathing heavily.

Dirty.

Gabriel looked shocked at first, but then his expression morphed into hurt.

Depraved.

Gabriel stood up, too, facing me.

Abomination.

“Lev… I-”

“Don’t. Don’t ever speak to me again!” My voice shook. I wiped the kiss off my lips, but they felt as though they weren’t coming clean. Like they’ll never be clean again.

“Please.” Tears welled up in Gabriel’s green eyes. He reached for me, but I pulled back. I shook my head one final time, peeling my eyes away from my best friend. I turned and ran home as fast as I could.

I had gone straight to my father and told him that the Lord had called me to become a priest. I was enrolled into a different Catholic school the following school year. I never saw Gabriel again. I had almost forgotten about his existence.

I managed to bury that memory so deep into my mind that it hasn't seen the light of day since. I scrubbed myself clean of it during seminary school. Prayed that God would take the memory of that kiss from me. Would cleanse my entire essence of the sin I had committed. did, until now.

“What’s the matter, dove?” The demon’s gravelly voice snaps me from my memories completely, the room suddenly coming into focus. Dove.

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