Page 33 of Unholy

“Yeah. The very same day, I found an oasis. At first, I was going to keep it all to myself. It was a paradise. But then I remembered Miriam’s kindness, and I asked myself “What would Levi do?””

“You did not,” he laughs, pushing me slightly.

“I did so. I asked myself what you would do, and the answer was obvious. I found my way back to Miriam and her colony. I told them what I had found and led them back to the oasis.” I recall the look on Miriam’s face when she saw the green plant-life, fed by water. She was so thankful. I had genuinely felt so good about myself.

“Then what happened?”

“That night, when everyone was asleep, I heard your voice. I thought I was visiting you in a dream, so I followed the sound. Your voice led me to a cave that wasn’t there before. When I entered the cave, I kept following your voice, through tunnels and passageways. Eventually, I came to this large opening, and there you were, standing in the middle, smiling at me with a beam of moonlight shining directly down on you.”

“That wasn’t me.” Levi’s voice breaks me out of the memory, and the spirit I was seeing from the trial fades away, the real image of Levi replacing it.

“I know. But I was exhausted. I hadn’t eaten or drank nearly enough, and I missed you. I had been sleeping a lot just so I could see you, find some happiness in such horrible conditions. You were asgood as real in that moment.” I look at him, brushing a piece of hair from his eyes.

“Oh,” is all Levi says, looking away clearly unsure of how to respond. I find myself smiling. The spirit of Levi could never replace the real thing, and fuck did I miss him so damn much. “So… I was standing in the middle of a cave.”

“Yes. I rushed to you, but you stepped back. You wouldn’t let me touch you. You were saying all of these sexy things, and then you started to take off your clothes.”

“That doesn’t sound like me at all.” Levi scrunches his nose up.

“I know… that should have been my first clue.”

“Hey!” Levi smacks me, and I laugh.

“Okay, okay… so you were saying all of these sexy things, and started to take your clothes off. I asked if I could touch you, and you said ‘no’, so I didn’t. I asked if I could kiss you, and you said ‘no’, so I didn’t.”

“Why didn’t you? I mean… my consent had never stopped you before,” Levi says, and I wince. That hurt more than the trials ever did.

“I know… but like I said, I was trying to be the person that you deserved. You didn’t deserve to have your consent ignored. I wanted to do right by you, and I truly thought this was you. So… when you said ‘no’, I listened. I just watched, and waited, hoping you would give me permission to do something, anything. It was torture. Every time I asked, you would giggle and say ‘no’.” My spent cock twitches at the memory. The spirit of Levi touching himself. Smiling at me. Saying how much he missed me. Everything I ever wanted to hear.

“How long did this last?” Levi asks, clearly skeptical. I don't blame him for being skeptical. Levi was right. I never worried about his consent before, and the very memory makes my heart ache. I need Levi to understand that I will never take that away from him again.

“All night. All night long, I watched you pleasure yourself. I kept asking, you kept saying ‘no’, so I fisted my hands and just watched. I didn’t want to take that away from you.” I clench my fists, getting lost in the memory.

“Stay with me.” Levi's voice breaks into my subconscious. Levi, the real Levi, comes back into focus, and he’s smiling at me, holding my hand tightly. I squeeze back.

“After the sun came up, you handed me a sword and said ‘you’re going to need this’ then you kissed me on my cheek and disappeared. In the back of my mind, I think I was slowly starting to catch on that I was in the trials, but I was so tired and beaten at that point, my mind wasn’t working right.” I shake my head, trying to clear the fog.

“Understandable.” Levi squeezes my hand again, and the gesture is so comforting I could cry.

“So… I was confused. After all of that, you gave me a sword and left. When you left, everything was dark. There was no more opening at the top of the cave. I decided to try to find my way out of the cave. I took the sword and stumbled through more passages. It was pitch black; I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face.”

“That must have been terrifying,” Levi says, eyes empathetic. I nod, trying not to think about the way my mostly naked body scraped over the rocks of the cave every time I stumbled. The way my nails were ripped off and bloody from continuously searching for purchase in the dark.

“Eventually, I ended up in another large opening. I could see an exit leading to theoutside, so I started for it, but something in the corner caught my attention.”

“What was it?”

“It was a woman in a white dress. She was just laying there. I thought maybe she was dead or injured. As I got closer, I realized it was my mom. She was chained by her ankle to the wall of the cave.”

“Another apparition?” Levi asks, his free hand over his mouth.

“No. I don’t know how, but I could tell she was real. I ran to her and pulled her into my arms, searching for blood, bruises, anything to show she was hurt. I found nothing. During my search, she woke up. She looked confused. Asked me where she was and how she got there. Said she had been worried about me. That she thought maybe you had killed me, and she never wanted that. She started crying, clinging to me.”

“I’m glad she was okay,” Levi says, and he sounds like he genuinely means it.

“Me too… but as I was trying to figure out how to get her unchained, we heard something coming down the passageway I just came from. It sounded… menacing. Heavy steps shook the cave. Growls came every couple of minutes. I knew whatever it was, it was going to be bad. When I realized there was no way to remove the chain, I tried to break it using my sword, but it didn’t budge.” My heart races as if I’m in that cave, the panic starting to take me over.

“Easy,” Levi says, gripping my hand again. It pulls me back a bit, but I still feel lost in the memory.

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