Page 21 of Unholy

But wasn’t that what I wanted? To break the priest. Funny. It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would. I feel… hollow. As if Levi’s broken body has fallen out of the hole he carved for himself in my heart.

“A life without you would mean entrance into Heaven. It would mean feeling His love again, being saved by His glory,” Levi says, looking up at the heavens. I have never been so jealous of God. To get this level of devotion from someone like Levi. And toignoreit. If I ever meet God, I will spit in his face. He doesn’t deserve Levi’s worship

“Levi… I- I…” The word is on the tip of my tongue. But it’s only been half a day. How could I? When did my obsession with this priest turn to this? And telling Levi will only freak him out, so I swallow the words, instead saying, “I care for you…”

“No! You can’t care for me! You don’t have a soul. You’re infatuated with me! You are obsessed with me! You are enamored by the idea of defiling a priest. You did it! Congratulations, Killian! But don’t you dare sit there and tell me you care. You have to have a soul to care, therefore you can’t.”

There it is again. The soul part. My resolve crumbles. Levi is unmoving on this. He will not see reason. Anger floods me. How dare Levi tell me how I can and cannot feel. I’m capable of feeling lust and anger without a soul, why should caring for someone be any different? Does caring really come from a soul?

“Fine, I’ll leave, but you’re gonna regret ever saying that,” I tell him, tone low, almost menacing. “I will be back, but while I’m gone, you won’t be able to forget me. You will spend every second of every day remembering these past 12 hours.Because I am forever in your mind. In your body. And in your heart.”

“When you come back, God will be in my mind. God will be in my body. God will be in my heart,” Levi says, a finality to his tone as he looks me in the eyes. His chin is up, but his lip is quivering.

“Oh please. God will never know you like I do. God will never touch you like I have,” I reach out, stroking Levi’s cheek. He flinches. “God hasn’t seen the darkness in you, the part that you’ve buried deep under all of that self-righteous bullshit.” I point to his chest, as he leans in closer. “God didn’t witness your first taste of power, when your hand was wrapped around my throat.”

“I-” Levi's eyes are staring at my throat, probably noticing the mark he left there. He swallows, jerking his eyes back to my face which is now inches away from his.

“God will never replace my presence in your body,” I say, my hand rubbing the contours of Levi’s torso. “He will never remove my mark on your soul.” I lean in, kissing Levi fiercely. I put everything I have into the kiss because he can’t forget me while I’m gone. I may not survive what I’m about to do, but I know I will not be able tosurvive if Levi truly figures out a way to banish me.

I end the kiss, and Levi leans in, almost as if he wants more. I don’t give it to him, though. I made my decision. I just stand and quickly put my clothes on. I look at Levi, who is still watching me from his place on the floor.

“Killian…” Levi says, as I open the door. I glance over at him, pained by the confused expression marring his beautiful features. I almost go to his side. Almost kiss him again. Almost stay. But I can’t, and I will not return. Not until Levi sees me as more than a soulless demon. Not until I’m worthy.

“Soon.”

Chapter five

Father Levi

“Ihavecompletedyourtrials. I want what’s mine,” Killian pants, wincing as he breathes, broken ribs screaming in anguish. His half naked body is burned and bruised, a thin sheen of sweat coating every inch of skin. His hair has gotten longer, sweat-soaked curls grazing just past his shoulders.

“Why go through all of this just for the very thing you fought to burn away?” a deep, disembodied voice asks.

“For him,” Killian growls, bearing his teeth in the direction of the voice just out of view.

“Foolish, boy. Your loyalty is displaced. He will never forsake Me.”

Killian winces, but not in pain. “Nobody told me you’d be so chatty,” he says, eyes slanting at the voice. “If I had known, I would have brought a fucking muzzle.”

“You dare…” the voice booms, shaking the foundation.

Killian cuts him off. “Give. Me. What’s. Mine.” He spits each word, anger coating every syllable. “I’ve earned it.”

“See for yourself.” His voice is menacing. He doesn’t give Killian a second to prepare himself. Pain explodes in Killian’s chest, a disembodied hand shoving something inside. He can’t breathe. It feels like someone is pushing all of his organs aside, making room for something that simply doesn’t belong. Like squeezing a square block into a round hole. His body fights it, unwilling to rearrange itself again. Killian grits his teeth, falling to his knees as more pain wracks his body.

The disembodied hand flexes inside of his chest, and it feels like his veins have turned to snakes. His body is burning from the inside, flames exploding in his chest cavity, eating away at his limbs. Just when he thinks it is the worst it could get, the hand is gone. He thought he’d feel relief, thought he’d be able to breathe again, but no. It’s so much worse. It’s as if his body is rejecting something that was once a part of it. But he can’t die. He has to see him again. He has to live.

Something clicks in his chest cavity, and Killian’s whole body jerks as if every nerve ending in his body was smacked. Another click. Another jerk. His breath expels, and he can’t seem to find the air for another. With every click, his muscles tense more and more. He feels like a rubber band getting ready to snap. He tries to breathe through it. He tries to picture blue eyes, perfect cheekbones.

Parts of his body light up, as if a candle was lit just beneath the surface of his skin, but other parts remain dark. This pain is so much worse than all three of the trials he endured to get here. It’s worse than he could have ever imagined. It feels like his body is going to split in half, leaving nothing. He claws at his chest, trying to help his body remove what isn’t supposed to be there anymore. Killian can feel it when it finally clicks into place.

I wake with a rush, Killian’s screams so real I’m sure they’re echoing around my bedroom. I gulp air, holding my chest. It’s aching, as if I was living the dream. My whole body hurts. I look down, expecting to see my bare chest glowing like Killian’s, but all I find is a thin layer of sweat. I can still feel that giant hand inside of me, its fingers flexing as it moves around my chest cavity.

I stumble out of bed, going into the bathroom. With shaking hands, I splash cold water on my face, then look up. My reflection startles me. My face is gaunt, the dark circles under my eyes making me look more dead than alive. I force myself to breathe normally, gripping the sink in an effort to stop the tremble in my limbs.

“It was just a dream,” I say out loud, my voice echoing around the bathroom. But was it really just a dream? Since the demon left three months ago, I’ve been having dreams about him. Some are more vivid than others.

They have all been very different. Some of them were sexual, others were just us talking about our past, almost getting to know each other. I know it’s insane. Everything the demon told me in my dreams was made up by my brain, but it was quite elaborate. I squeeze my eyes shut, willing the visions from the dream away.

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