Page 131 of The Devil We Know

Carolina appears on Tony's other side. She sits beside him, scooting in close, wrapping one arm around his shoulder and her other gripping his front.

Issa kneels behind Declan, her hand resting on his shoulder. He reaches back, snagging her wrist and pulling her until she squeezes between him and Tony.

Jessica sits quietly on my other side, her upper body pressed close to mine. She rests one hand on my back, the other gripping the front of my shirt, and I wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her more firmly against me.

Lilith sits in front of Carolina, turning so her side is pressed into Carolina’s front, her legs beneath Tony's raised ones. Ahand squeezes my forearm, and then he grips me by my elbow, yanking so sharply that I fall forward into Declan. “For fuck’s sake, Dec.”

“Shut up.”

I don't bother trying to escape; instead, I scoot in closer, taking Jessica with me, leaning partially on Declan and partially on Tony as grief envelops us.

More people arrive, silently settling in the middle of the room with us. Kaian is there on my other side next to Jessica, Marieka with him, and Camilla leaning into Lilith.

We remain like that, a group of shattered humans piled beneath crushing grief.

Declan chuckles randomly, and I turn my head to look at him. “What is it?”

He swallows, then clears his throat. “I was just thinking what Dare would say right now if he could see us here like this.”

Tony chokes on a laugh and says, “Likely some infinitely clever piece of wisdom that would make us wanna punch him in the face.”

“And then there’s Toni,” Lilith retorts. “She’d be throwing words of encouragement to get it all out.”

“With a prisoner hug for every last one of us,” Carolina adds sadly.

We all laugh for a moment, that one tiny anecdote managing to dull the pain just enough that I can take a deep breath without feeling like I’m going to choke on it.

But none of us move.

We remain here, suspended in this place where grief and hope collide.

55

The Final Curtain

Issa

One month later

It's been a fucked-up month.

The sudden loss of Darius and Antoinette immediately threw everyone into a tailspin.

As one of the newer family members, my interactions with the beloved couple had been minimal. But that doesn't mean I'm not finding the shock cutting and painful. And the worst part iswatching Declan suffer one of the greatest losses he is ever likely to live through.

I've been in constant communication with Carolina and Jessica. They, too, have been jockeying between their own grief and the grief of the men they love. Matt and Tony have known Darius for most of their lives, and the bond of the found family oftentimes is stronger than blood.

Each of them has handled it in their own way. Tony tends to resort to violence. He's been making his merry rounds, hunting down those he feels will cause trouble in the future.

Matt is a bit more subtle, though certainly not lacking in vindictiveness.

And then there's Declan.

As with any strong emotion, Declan always takes the same path.

He works himself to death.

We had just entered the last leg of our American tour when Declan was first called back. He ended up canceling a large portion of dates and then tacking them back onto the end. He only gave himself a few days before throwing himself back into the process. This time, leaning heavily on music to give him the strength to keep moving forward.

---