Page 105 of The Devil We Know

“I can't just fucking leave you all.”

“Why the fuck not?” Antoinette asks. “We're grown-ass adults. We'll figure it out.”

Lost for words, I frown in her direction then back to Tony, who's nodding in agreement. I glance at Jessica, who's looking on with a neutral expression on her face, and then to Carolina, who, other than the small smile on her lips, isn't giving anything away.

I switch my focus to Kaian, meeting his gaze. He gives me a little shrug and then he responds, “It could be done. If you really wanted to.”

I curse under my breath, sitting forward in my seat and dropping my head in my hands as I think over my response.

“Whatcha guys talking about?” Declan asks when he drops down beside me.

I turn to look at him but say nothing, so Tony answers, “Just discussing the possibility of Matt being a regular guy with a regular life.”

“Why the fuck would you want to do that?” Declan asks with a tinge of disgust in his voice. “You weren't born to be boring, man.”

“Being a regular guy with a regular life wouldn't be boring.”

“Like fuck it wouldn't be,” he scoffs.

“Then I guess being boring wouldn't be so bad,” I retort pissily.

Declan peers down at me, squinting slightly, and then he says, “For a smart fella, you're really fucking dumb, aren't you?”

“What?”

“Seriously,” Declan persists. “If you think you're the type of guy who can live a regular life, you're really fucking stupid.”

I grit my teeth, saying nothing, knowing full well that now I'm just acting like a petulant child. But I feel like a goddamn petulant child.

Declan squats down beside me, looking me right in the face as he murmurs, “I'm sure this asshole,” he pauses, pointing his thumb over at Tony, “said that you being a regular guy with a regular life was possible and that everyone here would be fine if you decided to choose that path, but let me assure you, he's fucking lying.”

I glance at Tony, who now has his poker face on, but he doesn't argue. So, I turn back to Declan as he continues, “Most people always assume that Darius is in charge around here. And sure,Darius makes a good figurehead, and having The Beast at the top of a roster is a great strategy. But anyone who has even an inkling of what goes on here knows that that's bullshit.”

“What are you talking about? Everyone knows that Darius is the big man on campus.”

Declan laughs, shaking his head as he waves a hand dismissively. “Yes, Darius, the big and scary. We all get it. But being big and scary isn't what gets shit done.”

“I think you're crazy. Being big and scary has certainly gotten a lot of shit done.”

Declan inclines his head in acknowledgment but then replies, “Sure, but that isn't what has gotten your team where it is. You guys wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you.”

“I'm not sure if Darius would agree with you at this point,” I mutter.

Declan’s fist snaps out, connecting sharply with my thigh. “I'm being fucking serious, fuckface. It's your constant oversight and guidance that has kept everyone alive this long. It’s your dedication and devotion to not only the mission but to the entire family that you all have built for yourselves.”

He gives me a slight smile, then pats me on the leg where he previously had punched me, and rises to his feet. I stare up at him, saying nothing, mostly because I don't know what to say, and then he nods almost to himself, looking completely self-satisfied. “And let's not fucking forget that none of us believe in that whole, 'If you love someone, let them go' shit. So, be warned.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Can't forget that.”

We all fall silent again, and I look over at Jessica, who gives me a little wink, and I revel in that now-familiar warmth that settles over me.

I glance at everyone sitting around me to see each one of them is still looking at me, and I sigh and then groan, shaking myhead as I rush to my feet, knowing this tail end of our whole conversation was completely pointless because where would I even fucking go.

I turn to Declan, who was still standing by my chair. “What did you even come over here for?”

“Oh,” he replies, “Lilith told me to come over here and let you guys know our visitors are here.”

Antoinette's eyes widen, and she jumps to her feet. “It's fucking showtime.”

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