Page 67 of A Fine Line

She glances toward the door from across my torso, her arm tightening as she meets Nettie’s eyes. She nods and says, “They can come in.”

I raise my chin at them, indicating they can come in. Nettie walks over first while the group of men hang back.

She kneels beside the bed, taking Carolina’s hand in her own, and they remain like that for a few moments, staring into each other’s eyes as if they’re having a silent conversation that I wouldn’t understand.

And I probably wouldn’t understand. Being a man is a completely different experience from being a woman, regardless of whether you’re an upstanding citizen or a criminal mastermind. But for women in the criminal world, many of them have it worse off because they’re constantly being treated like pawns in a losing game.

Carolina inhales shakily, then whispers, “I stopped them. For the first time in my life, I fucking stopped them.”

Nettie’s lips curve up in a sad smile, but her eyes shine with pride as she replies, “Good. Fuck them.”

“How do you get past the shame?” Carolina asks quietly. “The question of whether you could have stopped them all along? That maybe your treatment was deserved, even asked for, or wanted?”

Nettie shakes her head, her lips pressed together as her eyes spark with rage. She leans in close to Carolina, her free hand coming to rest on Carolina’s head, and she whispers, “There’s no shame in survival, Car. You do what you have to do every single day to survive, and then when you finally have an opening, you take it. And even if you never get that opening—if you never get retribution—you still take comfort in the fact that you survived.”

Carolina’s body shudders, a guttural sob racking her body as she lets loose what’s likely years of pent-up pain and frustration. Nettie crawls onto the bed, leaning into my other side as she presses her forehead against Carolina’s, her arm clutching around her shoulders.

Nettie swallows visibly, her voice catching as she whispers, “You gotta let it go, Car. Let it out and let it fucking go.”

I wrap my other arm around Nettie, my hand gripping her shoulder as they sob quietly, and I turn my gaze to Dare, who’s leaning against the door jamb with his arms crossed over his chest, a hard look in his eyes.

My lips twist as I mouth silently, “They’re all fucking dead,”and he nods in understanding. Matt appears at his side, and he gives the woman a long look, his lips pressing together in a tight line as he turns to Dare and says something incoherent, but I know what it is.

Fuck-around time.

After a few minutes, both women quiet, then eventually, they’re asking for tissues with a watery laugh. Nettie excuses herself to freshen up, and the entourage of men goes with her as Ryan comes back to let Carolina know she’s cleared to leave whenever she feels up to it.

Someone brought her a fresh change of clothes, and as I help her, I laugh, earning a questioning look from her, so I explain, “It feels funny to be putting clothes on you when normally, I’m trying to take them off.”

She gives me an almost-shy smile, and I finish getting her set to rights in a comfortable silence. Once she’s dressed, she sits in the chair to put her shoes on, but I put a hand on her shoulder and kneel to do it for her. She gives me an appreciative look, then reaches out, her fingers stroking along the side of my face lingeringly. An ache blooms in my chest with such intensity that when I open my mouth to speak, the words get caught in my throat.

We remain like that, almost suspended in time, with me kneeling at her feet and her hand on my face until, finally, I manage to say, “I’m really fucking happy you didn’t die.”

Her eyes widen, surprise evident on her features and then she throws her head back and laughs. I smile in response, laughing at my own idiotic words. I shake my head because that isn’t at all what I meant to say, but I’m saved from having to correct myself when her other hand grasps the back of my neck, and she pulls me into a hug, her words a whisper against my neck. “I’m happy that you’re happy I didn’t fucking die.”

She squeezes me once more, then releases her hold on me. I rise, putting a hand out to help her stand beside me. Dare and Nettie are back in the doorway and Dare falls into step beside Carolina as she exits the room, slinging an arm over her shoulder and hugging her to him. He leans his head down close to her, and he speaks to her quietly as they walk down the hallway in front of us.

Nettie jabs me in the ribs with her elbow, and I give her a dirty look. “What the fuck do you want?”

She pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and hands it to me as she says, “Ryan asked me to give this to you. It’s Carolina’s test results. You don’t have to say anything now, but if I find out you decided to fuck around about this, remember you’ve already been warned.”

I take the piece of paper from her and fold it into a smaller square before stuffing it in the inside pocket of my jacket. “Yes, Nettie. I remember. You’re gonna fuck me up.”

She gives me a short nod but says nothing further as we walk down the hall and exit the building into the late-afternoon California sunshine. Vehicles are waiting for us, so we all climb inside for the short drive to our rendezvous spot, which is another building on the same property.

Matt is already there, working with a small crew on what our next steps should be. Nettie squeals from behind me, rushing past excitedly. I look ahead in the direction she’s running and see Mickey with a big grin on his face. There’s no hesitation as they wrap their arms around each other, and Mickey’s eyes seem a bit glassy as they speak to each other in their embrace.

Emotion isn’t something we’re allowed to show freely in this business. Seeing a man like Mickey obviously overjoyed to be reunited with Nettie has that warmth erupting in my chest again, and I look back to Carolina, who’s hanging in the doorway. I hold my hand out to her, and she moves closer, gripping my hand between both of hers as we walk across the room together.

We walk over to Dare, and I lean in close to him and ask quietly, “Has anyone told him?”

Dare shakes his head and sighs. “No, but she should be here soon to do it herself, so there’s that.”

I grimace, and Carolina touches my arm, drawing my gaze to her as she asks, “Who doesn’t know what?”

I use the secrecy as an excuse to pull her close to me, wrapping an arm around her waist and leaning in to speak into her ear. “Mickey and Lilith go way back, and he doesn’t know that she’s not dead.”

I pull back, and she stares up at me wide-eyed, her mouth opens in shock. After a moment, she snaps her mouth shut and makes a strangled noise in her throat as she looks back at the older man, who’s still speaking to Nettie. “That poor man. I hope he doesn’t have a heart attack.”

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