Page 17 of A Fine Line

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I try to speak, and a gurgling sound comes out, so I try again. Nothing. Her eyes search mine, and then she releases me and turns and heads toward the kitchen. “I’m getting you a drink. You, come sit.”

I follow her silently, sitting in the chair she indicates as she opens the cupboard above the built-in refrigerator and says, “Pick your poison.”

I clear my throat and manage to croak, “I didn’t realize you all were big drinkers.”

She laughs, waving her hand dismissively as she replies, “Oh, we’re not. Darius says I only like to buy alcohol. He’s not wrong. But it’s nice to have a wide variety for the odd chance that I feel like having a taste.”

I totally get that. “Surprise me. But only if you’re having one.”

She reaches up and grabs a large brown bottle, snags a couple of rocks glasses from the cupboard, and then joins me at the table. “Would you like ice?”

“No, thank you.”

She pours a good amount into the glasses, then pushes one in front of me. I look at the glass cautiously and then look at her. She’s smiling at me. “Something wrong?”

“No. Nope. Everything’s fine.”

This time, she laughs outright and says, “Oh, for the love of god,” as she reaches for my glass and takes a decent swallow before handing it back to me. “Is that better?”

I manage a small smile and nod, feeling silly. “I guess so. I don’t know what’s come over me.”

She returns my smile, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Well, you should know by now that if I was going to kill you, I wouldn’t poison you. It’s not personal enough.”

“Thank you. I haven’t had a chance to say that to you yet.”

She takes another sip of her drink and frowns. “For what?”

“For everything?” I pick up my glass and take a larger swallow than is probably advised, barely managing to stifle a cough as I continue, “For making me a widow. For taking out an entire branch of a criminal organization. For literally blowing the cock off of my piece of shit father-in-law, for starters.”

Then her smile does meet her eyes and she cackles. “Oh, that grenade to the cock was spectacular. And we were fortunate that I didn’t take out a bunch of other people at the same time.”

I grimace and try to hide my pained expression behind my glass. I take another sip from my glass then put it down, and clear my throat. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “About Lilith.”

Antoinette’s face falls, and her hand comes out to rest on my forearm. “That was not your fault.” Her words are firm and sincere, her eyes steady on mine, and she squeezes my arm again. “Do you understand me? If we’re going to start slinging blame around, not one of us would have a clear conscience. The fact of the matter is, Lilith did whatever Lilith wanted. She jumped into the line of fire to save me, and that was her choice. I’m grateful to be alive, and I’m also sad to have lost her, but I don’t think there’s anything that we could’ve done to prevent it. The one thing I do know about Lilith is that she would not hold it against you. We all know you only ended up involved in this shitshow because of events that were outside of your control. Lilith knew that game all too well, and just as you’ve done whatever is needed for your daughter, she did whatever she had to do to protect me.”

I place my hand over Antoinette’s and give it a tentative squeeze. She turns her hand over and grips mine, and I immediately feel the sting of tears behind my eyes. This isn’t good. I blink rapidly, but a little sniffle escapes, and Antoinette giggles and says, “Don’t you hate that? It happens to me all the time.”

I give her a watery laugh, and she releases my hand, reaches into her jacket pocket, and pulls out a small tissue packet. She pulls out two, handing one to me and keeping one for herself before stuffing the package back in her pocket. “I keep these on me all the time now, and most of the time, I can pretend like it’s not happening. I haven’t even hit middle age yet, so I don’t know what’s happening.”

I’m grateful for her words on my random waterworks problem. I don’t usually have one, but it’s been a long time since I had a moment where I could decompress enough to let my emotions roll. We sit here for a few moments in comfortable silence. Eventually, I say, “What are you doing here? Where’s Tony?”

“Oh, I was given the task to come retrieve you. We’re going on a trip.”

I frown, taking another sip of my drink as I ask, “And where are we going? And who is we?”

“Well, all of us except for Matt. Matt can’t take time off right now from his day job,” she says with obvious sarcasm, and I laugh, unsure what she means by it. “Apparently, we have some business in Russia. Tony called us all together and gave us the list you made for him. Quite a few of them are already dead, so that’s something. I’m thinking if Tony could dig them all up and torture them before killing them again, he would happily do so.” She stops speaking and leans in close to me. “What’s going on between you two?”

I immediately choke on my own saliva as I attempt to reply. “What? Nothing. There’s nothing going on.”

Her eyes sparkle, and one side of her mouth curves up knowingly. “Oh, I don’t think so. There is definitely something going on.”

“Why? What did he say?”

She presses her lips together and shakes her head, and then says, “Nothing. That’s how I know something’s going on because Tony is the biggest TMI’er in the world. He never says nothing. Spill.”

I shake my head, another denial ready to spill out right as she leans closer, her words quiet and serious as she says pleadingly, “Come on, Car. I’m basically surrounded by boys all the time. I never get any girl TMI. Please, please, please, please.”

I sigh deeply and sit back in my chair, rubbing my hands over my face tiredly. “Fine. I’ll give you a little bit, but only because you know Tony so well.”

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