Page 46 of What Doesn't Kill Us

Tony rises, indicating for Mickey to take his chair close to Antoinette, and then he walks around the other side of the bed to sit in the chair closer to me.

Mickey sits, reaching his hand out and taking Antoinette’s in his. He bends over, resting his forehead on top of her hand, and his shoulders shake.

It’s a difficult thing, watching a grown man cry.

Antoinette rests her free hand on top of his head, the tears she’s held back until now stream freely down her face.

I look away, fighting back the burning behind my own eyes, and when I glance over at Tony, I can see he’s doing the same.

You don’t have to love someone to mourn them. You don’t have to be in love with someone to feel the loss of them. Sometimes, you don’t even have to like someone to feel the sadness that they’re gone.

Mickey loved Lilith. Antoinette loved Lilith. And I liked and respected her well enough to feel the ricochet of her loss reverberating throughout the room.

And Tony? The black death shining in his eyes speaks volumes about what he won’t tell any of us.

After a few moments, Mickey straightens, giving Antoinette’s hand a last squeeze before he releases her, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping his face and nose. Then he looks at her, taking a deep breath as he begins, “Your name is Antonia Rossi. You are the eldest daughter of Antonio Rossi. Lilith was very young when she was tasked with seducing the head of the Rossi family. It was known that Antonio had a thing for younger women, but I believe that if not for the alcohol and the lighting, he never would’ve touched her. When he found out what happened, he was furious, but there wasn’t much he could do about it at that point. He couldn’t marry her because it wasn’t legal, and if anything had been brought to light on it, he likely would’ve gone to jail. So, Antonio and your grandfather made a deal that you would be raised here, then at some point in the future, you would go to him to learn how to take over.”

Antoinette frowns at him, asking, “What do you mean ‘eldest’? What about Agatha?”

Mickey shakes his head. “You and Agatha are not twins. I know the resemblance is uncanny, and you’re very close in age, but you’re not twins. Agatha’s given name is Agatha Moretti. Not long after you were born, your grandfather sent Lilith back out again. This time, to the bed of Angelo Moretti, the eldest son of Paulo Moretti. He was one of Italy’s most powerful and ruthless men, and the fact that Paulo didn’t eliminate the entire Ferro family line was a testament to the sheer level of strategic planning on your grandfather’s part. He coerced both powerful men into going along with his plans and didn’t suffer any repercussions until years after, and that was by the hands of his own daughter.”

Antoinette makes a pained noise, and I glance over at her, my hand reaching out to rest on her arm. She looks at me and says, “Can you imagine? She was a child, having to whore herself out.” She looks back at Mickey, her brows drawn down as she asks, “To what end? What was the point of it?”

“Power. Your grandfather sent Lilith in as a glorified broodmare to the most powerful men in the world with the idea he would have direct ties in all corners of the criminal world. It was a terrible thing to do to her, but from the perspective of someone hoping to attain more power—“

He doesn’t have to elaborate any further; we already know. Power breeds power. It was a truly despicable way to treat your own child, but in the grand scheme of reprehensible acts, it doesn’t even come close to the worst of all. So, I ask, “How many times did he have her do this?”

“Vincent was the last. She almost died giving birth to him. They lied and said the baby died when, really, they took him away so they could shape him into the monster he is now. And while she was ill, they took Agatha and shipped her off, telling Lilith that Agatha had died. Then, they took her last remaining child and shipped her off in a separate direction. Lilith found you, but she had to keep this knowledge a secret so they wouldn’t move you again.”

“Vincent has a different father?”

Mickey nods. “Yes, his father is a Russian, Dmitri Petrov. This job went south quickly, though, as Dmitri is a truly vile man who has little regard for anything beyond power and money. Lilith never told me everything that happened while she was over there, but I got the impression Dmitri was abusive and cruel. There were even questions on whether Vincent was Dmitri’s child because of rumors he used to pass her around as punishment. It took your grandfather months to get her back, and by then, she was a shell of her former self. She never truly recovered from the experience, and Dmitri never got over the fact Lilith betrayed him, even if she was only acting on orders from her own father. He would have tortured her to death if they had given him the chance.”

I grimace, and Antoinette makes a pained sound in her throat. “Did he make her do it again after that?”

“I believe that once Lilith was over the age of consent, your grandfather would’ve stopped using her in that way because, without the threat of backlash or criminality, they wouldn’t have had any real leverage. But after everything that happened with Dmitri and losing Vincent, it wouldn’t have worked anyway since she couldn’t have any more children.”

“But she ended up getting married?”

Mickey scoffs. “Marrying Jimmy was a means to an end. She was fond of him, but there was no genuine love there. She certainly didn’t have any hesitation in getting rid of him. I don’t think she ever would’ve wanted to have more children, though. She spent her entire life fighting to survive; she wouldn’t have willingly subjected more innocents to that life.”

Antoinette laughs, bitterness lacing her words as she asks, “But why does Vincent hate me so much? I’m not anything to him. We don’t even come from the same lineage. He can have his fucking Russian empire; I don’t give a shit.”

Mickey replies, “Oh, Vincent would never be pacified with only the Russian empire. He’s so stupid that he thinks he can take over the entire world. He doesn’t understand that no one person can rule the world. It doesn’t matter if it’s the New York underground, Chicago, Miami, Paris, Rome, or Moscow–they all need their own network. They all need separate oversight to run fluidly, or else you end up with anarchy.”

“What the fuck does Darius have to do with any of this? Why would they send me to get him?”

“Well, other than Darius and his team single-handedly taking down a fair number of people in positions of power across all networks, Vincent knows that Darius Hughes wasn’t always Darius Hughes.”

Antoinette groans, holding her hand up to stop him from continuing. “I don’t even wanna know. Every time I fucking turn around, some new weird shit happens, and I lose my mind, and then some insane memory gets triggered, and someone dies. I can’t take anymorewhat the fuckright now.”

Tony speaks up beside me. “That’s fair.”

I nod in agreement but keep my mouth shut. I’m also having a hard time keeping up with the tangled web all these deceitful fuckers have weaved over the years. I’ve known Darius for a long time, and I don’t know what Mickey is talking about. I look over at Tony and ask, “Do you know what he’s talking about?”

Tony shakes his head. “Not a fucking clue. And frankly, I don’t even know if I want to know either. If Darius knows and he chose not to tell us, that’s fucking good enough for me.”

I look at Mickey and ask, “Is this something we need to know now?”

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