Page 36 of What Doesn't Kill Us

I slowly raise my head, grimacing as my abs contract and a new pain slices through me. I look down and see the weight holding me down is Lilith sprawled over me, so I give her a little shake. “For fuck sake, Lilith. Get off me.”

She doesn’t move immediately, so I wiggle around until she slides to the floor beside me. “Lilith?”

I look down at myself, covered in blood. I know I’m hurt, but I also know this isn’t all mine. My heart stops in my chest, my breath suddenly stuck in my throat. “No, no, no, no, no.”

I sit up, scooting closer to her and rolling her onto her back to look at her face. Her eyes are closed, and she’s so pale I can see her veins through her skin. I place my ear against her chest, releasing the breath I was holding as I make out her heartbeat, faint but steady.

I shift again, getting up on my knees to take inventory of her injuries. It doesn’t take me long to find the two holes in her chest, and I watch in horror as they push out blood with every beat of her heart. My stomach drops, the bile rises again, and I push away from her and pull off my coat, bunching it up and pressing it against her wounds. Then I yell, “Lilith! Lilith!”

Her eyelids flutter, her face twisting as her eyes slowly open and meet mine. My eyes stare back at me. Her eyes. My eyes.

She gives me a small smile, then coughs, a bit of blood spraying out as she does so, and I whisper, “No. Don’t do this, Lilith.”

She swallows, clearing her throat as she whispers back, “It’s okay, Toni. Everything’s going to be okay. You’ll see.”

I shake my head at her, leaning my weight onto her to put more pressure on her chest. “I don’t know where the fuck you think you are, but this doesn’t feel okay. Don’t you fucking die on me.”

She laughs softly, then winces. One of her hands settles over mine that’s pushing on her chest, and her other hand reaches up, moving the hair from my face, then cupping my cheek. She’s looking at me softly, a small smile on her lips. “I wish things had been different. I wish you’d known your entire life how much I love you. I wish I’d had the option to dote on you, to nurse you, to show you deep affection as a mother should. All I can do now is hope you understand how I always did as much as I could to protect you, to show you in any way I could just how much I love you.”

A sob gets stuck in my throat, and I shove down the agony, swallowing painfully. “I guess you’ll have to make it up to me now, won’t you? You know me. I’ll never believe it unless you show me.”

She smiles and laughs, and I hear her breathing, the odd wheezing gurgle that punctuates each exhalation. I choke back a sob, whisper-shouting, “Don’t you die on me. God fucking damnit, don’t you dare die on me.”

Her grip on my hand eases a bit, her hand on my cheek slowly falling to rest on my forearm. She has a vacantly dreamy expression, and I lean closer to her as she whispers, “I wish I had time to show you, but I don’t think we have the time. Everything you need to know, you can get from Micky. He’s going to need you, too. He’s going to be so pissed I went off and got myself killed.”

I choke on a bitter laugh, tears streaming down my face as her grip on my hand gets more and more lax. “No, no, no. Don’t do it. Don’t fucking die. I’m not ready. Don’t go. Please. Please.”

“It’s okay, love. It doesn’t hurt.”

I sob, the pain in my chest unbearable as I watch the life slowly seep from her eyes. I shake her a few times, the tears coming so freely now I can barely make out her face in front of me. But she doesn’t move. Her hand simply falls from mine, and she’s gone.

“No, no, no. Please, no. I need you. You can’t leave me. Please, Lilith. Please. Please. Please.”

My upper body falls on top of her, my cheek pressing against hers as pain slices through me. I sob, curse, beg, and plead. She remains motionless beneath me. Cold. Unyielding.

I’m still sobbing when Tony and Matt show up, and then I turn my agony onto them, screaming and cursing at them for not being there to stop this. I scream and swear until I’m a limp, broken mess, still clutching her to me.

Tony grabs onto me, wrapping his arms around me tightly, his voice broken yet calm in my ear as he tells me I need to let her go. I struggle against him, the agony intensifying as I fight for him to let me go.

Matt’s yelling, but I can’t make out his words, and then Tony’s hands are on me, and he’s going on about the blood as he pokes and prods me. The pain in my side sharpens, and he pulls his shirt off, folding it and pressing it against my torso. He removes his belt, wrapping it around me, securing the shirt when he pulls the leather so tightly I feel it dig into my flesh, and for a moment, it takes my breath.

But then he wraps himself around me fully, using his leverage to shift us both away, and I cry and fight harder, sobbing as Matt scoops Lilith up and walks away with her.

Tony shifts behind me, his face against my neck. I vaguely make out what he whispers in my ear, and I hear the pain in his voice as he tries to tell me everything will be alright.

But it won’t be alright.

And I’m still screaming when darkness takes me.

Chapter Fourteen

Dare

There’sanannoyingclicking.

It takes me a few moments to realize my eyes are open in a room so pitch black that I can’t see anything surrounding me. I groan, trying to sit up before scrapping the idea and lying back in my prone position.

I hear my name whispered from somewhere in the room, and I freeze, holding my breath as I listen for the sound again.

---