Page 21 of What Doesn't Kill Us

Us before.

Us before all the bullshit, back when things were still new.

“Where did you get that?”

She smiles softly, not taking her eyes off the screen as she replies, “I found it buried in my cloud. It was labeled ‘my ends of being’.” She pauses the video and looks up at me before continuing. “Do you know what that means?”

My breath catches in my throat, and I clench my jaw, biting the inside of my cheek sharply as I think over my response. Then I say carefully, “I think it had something to do with you leaving your old self behind.” I pause, hoping she’ll accept this vague bit of information and move on, but she raises a brow at me expectantly, so I continue, “We met under somewhat odd circumstances. I won’t go into detail, but let’s say we weren’t supposed to end up together, and there were some people who wouldn’t take too kindly to the idea. It’s like a fork in the road where you must decide if you’re going to continue down the path as your current self in your current existence or if you’re going to take the new, unfamiliar path and leave everything behind for this new version of yourself.”

She snort-laughs a bit incredulously, then says, “So, you’re saying you were my new, unfamiliar path?”

I smile, pulling her closer as I reply, “Not exactly. More like I was on the path as you walked by, and when I held my hand out for you, you made the choice to take it.”

Her brow furrows, but she’s quiet as she smiles and nods, and then goes back to watching the video, oblivious to the tornado of emotions swirling inside me. I swallow the lump in my throat and look away from the video for a few moments, needing to get enough control over myself to go on without her noticing the quiver in my voice. She giggles, glowing with pleasure as she listens to the old me telling her I’m going to eat her pussy until she begs me to stop. I groan, and she turns her head toward me, her eyes questioning as she asks, “Do you remember this?”

Now unable to speak, I nod, relieved when she doesn’t press me to say anything more. In her silence, I work to collect myself, pushing the wash of memories down where they can’t physically touch me. I grind my teeth together again to do so, and I almost bite a hole through my cheek as the force of it all attempts to overwhelm me.

Focusing on the bitter taste of iron in my mouth, I turn my focus back to the video still playing in front of her. She doesn’t feel the agony of the past, doesn’t have any recollection of what went on before or after—she’s completely enraptured by the dirty fairy tale that’s playing on a loop in her hands. I won’t ruin it for her—not yet.

I wrap my arms around her, pulling her back tighter against me, pressing my face into her neck and inhaling her scent as deeply into my lungs as I can before slowly exhaling. She giggles, my breath against her neck tickling her, and she turns her face toward me and licks my cheek like a dog.

I yank my face away from her, then wipe my cheek against the side of her head as she laughs and then goes back to her video. She sighs, snuggling herself back into me, and I let her sink into me, let her warmth and scent surround me, lulling me into a deep sense of contentment, short-lived as it may be.

“I love you.”

My heart stutters in my chest, and my breath jams up in my lungs as her softly whispered words break through the silence. Every memory I’ve ever had seems to kaleidoscope in my mind. Every sporadic moment of contentment, every brief interlude of peace, and I can’t say for sure if anyone has ever said those words to me before.

Pressing my face into her neck again, my eyes squeeze shut against the burning behind them as I tighten my arms around her even more. I’m squeezing her so tightly against me she struggles a bit, her arms pushing against mine, and my urge to take her breath, to take her heartbeat and keep it for my own for all eternity, overwhelms me.

Easing my grip on her, I inhale a stuttering breath as the chaos inside me releases its stranglehold on me. Inhaling again, I feel the demons abate, the claw marks permanently etched on my being, leaving a burning path in their wake. After a third breath I open my eyes, the throb of her heartbeat beneath the skin of her neck like a beacon of hope to the dormant parts of me I forgot ever existed.

“I love you,” I whisper back, my lips against her ear, nipping at her earlobe and then pressing a soft kiss on her neck.

She sighs, relaxing back against me once more, and we lay there in silence, watching the couple on the screen continue to live their dirty little fairy tale.

And for now, it’s enough.

Chapter Nine

Dare

Ishouldgo.

I lost track of the number of times we watched that video. She didn’t ask me questions and made no more comments as she lay there with a small smile on her face until she finally fell asleep.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been lying here, wrapped around her sleeping form. I should have left ages ago. I should have removed myself from her bed and gone about my business back to the hotel, but here I am, daylight now creeping in through the curtains. I should get up and go right now. I should carefully shift her from my arms and quietly leave the apartment and focus on sorting out this never-ending clusterfuck. But I can’t bring myself to do it.

I don’t want her to wake up without me. I don’t want her to wake up in a fog and wonder if I was ever even here. I squeeze my arms around her tighter, disturbing her a bit as she squirms against me, muttering sleepily but without waking.

Since she fell asleep, she’s been slowly sliding further and further down my body. I sigh, accepting that I can’t stay here much longer. I scoot down, shifting my body as I slowly and carefully roll her until she’s lying on her stomach beside me. Gently positioning her arms, she gives a small yawn, then snuggles down into the mattress as she continues to sleep.

My cock hardens in my pants at the sight of her nude body beside me. She’s still wearing her underwear, the black lace covering her ass a poor excuse for an undergarment—not that I’m complaining.

Slowly, I slide her underwear down over her hips, and she shifts her body slightly, allowing me to slide the scrap of lace down her legs. I toss them on the floor, and she shivers, so I stand up and remove the rest of my clothing, then climb over her, straddling her legs and pressing my torso against her back.

If she wants some skin-to-skin contact, then I’m going to fucking give her some. I press my dick against her ass, and she pushes back against me slightly. Pressing closer, I settle more of my weight on top of her.

I had forgotten how much smaller she is than me. Or maybe I forgot that I’m on the larger side, even more so from the time I spent locked up with nothing more to do than pump iron and fight for my life. And while Antoinette is not a petite woman, she appears so when she’s lying beneath me.

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