Page 12 of What Doesn't Kill Us

The look on Lilith’s face can only be described as petulant. Her eyes are everywhere but on me, and she’s twitchy, her knee bouncing nervously. Finally, she sighs. “I believe she is referring to Agatha,” she pauses, then continues with a resigned expression. “Agatha Ferro. Our sister.”

I gape at her. “Our sister? What fucking sister?”

She shrugs. “I don’t really talk about her.”

I pound my fist down on the table and whisper-shout, “Well, you’re going to fucking start now.”

Lilith glances at Carolina and then back at me. “Can’t this wait?”

I shake my head, my arms crossing over my chest defensively. “Not a chance. You may as well get it all out now so Carolina can relay it back to that douchebag Darius firsthand.”

“Fine. I’ll tell you the little I know, but it’s not much. I honestly thought she was dead.”

“Kind of like you thought I might be dead?”

Lilith shakes her head, giving me a dirty look. “No. I barely even knew Agatha. Most of what I know about her is hearsay and what I overheard from others. There wouldn’t have been much point mentioning her to you before since you didn’t really know her, either. I wasn’t even sure if you knew about her, given you were separated so young.”

“What do you mean ‘separated’? We lived together at one point?”

She snorts. “Yes, as small children. But not long enough where you’d remember any of it.”

I must have an odd expression because Lilith continues, “Toni, things are different in our world. It doesn’t matter if we’re considered an asset, collateral damage, or a weakness. You never keep all your eggs in the same basket. A lot of the men in power have their children scattered all over the world to keep them safe until they’re old enough to learn how to defend themselves. As soon as we’re born, we’re kept off the map.”

I frown. “So they didn’t separate us immediately?”

She shakes her head. “No. I was quite young when you were born, so exactly what happened isn’t clear to me. I woke up one morning, and you and Agatha were gone.”

Lilith looks away, and I see she’s struggling a bit to tell the story. I’m surprised. I rarely see Lilith show any type of emotion that resembles sadness. Carolina breaks in. “Well, if they’re siblings, then it would be obvious to Darius that they’re related?”

“I haven’t seen Agatha since she was a child, but the resemblance would be undeniable. I imagine at a glance, he probably shit his pants, thinking he had been poetically double-crossed.”

That Dare may have felt double-crossed by me even for an instant makes me feel equal parts elation and sadness. I’ll always get a bit of joy from causing him pain, but deep down, I would never want him to feel betrayed by me. This doesn’t stop the small smirk of satisfaction that crosses my face and the little snort of laughter that escapes. “I bet for a few moments there, he must have been feeling scorched earth with no one to direct it at. I’m surprised he didn’t have a stroke.”

We laugh for a few moments, but then Lilith sobers. “If Agatha is involved, that could mean anything. I know next to nothing about her, and I bet finding out anything of interest about her will be nearly impossible since she’s been off the grid since childhood. He must’ve sent her far away to keep her under wraps like this.”

Carolina’s eyes widen a bit as she asks, “So there’s no way to tell if she’s friend or foe?”

Lilith shrugs. “I’m leaning heavily on foe. But there’s really no way to tell.”

Carolina snickers. At my questioning look, she explains, “I was just thinking I now understand Dare’s fuck-around-and-find-out mentality. Seems that’s the only way you can get to the bottom of anything in this mess. If you fuck around long enough, you’re bound to find out something. Like how big of a target do you have to put on your back before something pops up? And then we hope that whoever pops up doesn’t have a good enough sight on it, or else you’re gonna be fucking dead. If they even waited.”

Lilith leans closer to her and says, “I think it’s about time you explain your involvement in a little more detail. For all we know, you’re on the other side. Whatever fucking side that is.”

Carolina looks uncomfortable as she leans back in her chair, meeting Lilith’s stony gaze without flinching. “There isn’t a lot to tell. I’m doing someone’s bidding to keep other people alive.”

“What people and why?”

“What does it matter? You know how it is in our world. Women have been carrying the weight of family obligation on their shoulders for generations. We get handed out and tossed around like whores, collateral damage, or spies. We spend our entire lives working a job from the inside, sometimes not even fully understanding the role we’re playing until it gets us killed. Or worse.” She pauses, her jaw clenching as she stares out into the distance vacantly before shifting her focus back to Lilith. “Frankly, I don’t give a fuck about much, but how easily children are abused and tossed aside is disgusting. I would literally live in the pits of hell for the rest of my days if it would save any of them even one moment of the agony this life can bring to them.”

She’s right.

Even for all I don’t remember about this life she speaks of, I’ve learned enough in the short time being privy to it to know women are entirely dispensable. Even in the rare situation where a father dotes on his daughters, they will be strewn about like cannon fodder.

Sure, some of these women come back, but rarely do they return unscathed. Mostly, they come back as pieces of their former selves, only to have those pieces remolded and thrown back into the next job. It pisses me off.

Lilith growls, and I see the maniacal light burning in her eyes as she says, “You’re right. You’re so fucking right, and I’m so fucking sick of it. So, what are we gonna do about it?”

Carolina shrugs with a startled look on her face as she asks quietly, “What the fuck can we do about it?”

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