Page 10 of What Doesn't Kill Us

I asked everyone this question, and they all shrugged. I believe Tony and Matt are genuine in their response; however, Lilith seems a little more suspicious. So I occasionally bring it up, to see if I can get her to slip up. Like right now, I’m sitting here, staring at her, waiting for her to elaborate. She’s staring at me with a look I can’t quite place. Guilt? Annoyance? Bafflement? All three?

Finally, she sighs and rolls her eyes. “Toni, would you let it go already? The only answers I have to that question are irrelevant and pure speculation. And also, it would only lead to a bigger conversation about our family and upbringing, and I still believe it’s pointless. For all I know, you decided you wanted to track Darius because you were a super jealous person, and you didn’t trust him. Or maybe you were going to use it to play practical jokes on him. I seriously do not know. But if you really want to break this down and go over every scenario that it could be, then I’ll get a whiteboard and dry-erase markers, and we’ll get right the fuck into it.”

I frown and cross my arms over my chest defensively. “I’m sorry, Lils, but being unable to make heads or tails out of anything is frustrating. I know you say it doesn’t matter, but part of me is concerned that it does. Obviously, we were raised apart for many reasons, and sometimes, not knowing these reasons is fucking hard.”

She nods. “I won’t pretend to know how it feels; all I can do is focus on what a relief it is to me that you don’t know everything. For me, the feelings that would arise from the fleeting unnecessary knowledge aren’t worth it. If they come back to you over time, then so be it. But I will not force unnecessary baggage on you. Most of the people involved are dead and buried, and any memory having to do with them should remain dead and buried.”

I take a deep breath and nod in agreement. I know she’s right. None of it matters. “You’re right. It’s not like we don’t have enough going on already.”

“Speaking of having enough going on already, we have a lead we should check up on. We need to do a little shopping this afternoon and see what comes our way.”

I grimace. “Shopping? Really? I hate shopping.”

Lilith rises, walking over to me and pulling me onto my feet. She gives me a little push toward the door and says, “Too fucking bad. We’re going.”

We bicker about this shopping excursion all the way out of the apartment and continue our verbal sparring in the town car until we’re dropped off near the Franklin D. Roosevelt Metro on Champs-Élysées. It’s these moments that make me think less about the past. Regardless of what happened in the time span I can’t remember, I’m eternally grateful to have Lilith in my life now. It’s in these moments I feel less inclined to want to learn about the past because I worry my memories will taint my relationship with her.

We explore the designer shops and then make our way through the boutique stores along the 8tharrondissement, taking our time to enjoy the ambiance of Paris and the breathtaking architecture. All-in-all, it’s rather enjoyable, since it’s not like we’ve had any time to be sisters, to dick around and joke like ordinary people.

We’re leaving one upscale boutique after trying on the ugliest dress ever created when Lilith gets a call. She answers but says nothing, listening for a moment before ending the call and pocketing her phone. “There’s a cafe up a ways from here we need to go to. Follow me.”

It seems our good time is over, and it’s back to business. I follow behind her as nonchalantly as I can muster, given the fact the unknown makes my heart pound. “Do you know who we’re meeting?”

She shakes her head. “I’m not even entirely sure what it’s about. Honestly, I would probably ignore it entirely if I wasn’t out of options. Which totally feels like an amateur move, but here we are.”

I snicker, slinging one of my arms over her shoulder as I lean in and tease, “Uh oh. Is my old lady sister losing her edge?”

She glares at me and shoves me off her. “Not fucking likely. But sometimes, when things aren’t going your way, you’re forced to try something a little different.”

I laugh as we make our way into a café. It’s dim inside, but there’s a table off in the corner that’s empty. We head in that direction, and each take a seat. As we wait for a server to come over, I glance around the small area, taking in the décor and Parisian atmosphere. I let my gaze settle on the other patrons, one by one, until suddenly, I do a double-take on the woman sitting at the table across from us.

What the fuck?

Lilith glances at me questioningly, and I kick her under the table, silently telling her to follow my glance. She scowls at me, her gaze bouncing around the room as inconspicuously as one could muster in such a small space. Then she hisses at me, “What the fuck, Toni? Stop kicking me.”

As I sit there silently arguing with her to be quiet, I glance up to see that woman staring at me from her seat. Then she winks, and the next thing I know, Carolina Tennent has risen from her seat and is standing next to our table, a humorous glint in her eyes as she says, “All I can say is he definitely didn’t exaggerate about you two.”

We both frown and, in unison, question, “Who?”

She laughs, and her already beautiful features heighten, and I kind of want to smash her face in. “Oh, I think you two know who I’m referring to.”

Lilith cocks her head at her. “So, you’re saying he talks about us?”

Carolina makes a face. “Incessantly. Frankly, it’s kind of annoying.” I make some random choking noise, and she looks at me and grins. “Especially you, Antoinette. Sometimes, I can’t decide whether he wants to kill or keep you. Kudos on stabbing Hans, though. That was a delight.”

“He told you I stabbed Hans?”

She nods, sitting down in the empty chair without invitation. “Oh, yes. It was quite comical, really. He was not expecting that.”

I glance at Lilith and she gives me a slight shrug, her eyes wide. I motion for her to do something, and finally, she looks at Carolina and says, “We’re actually meeting someone here, so piss off back to your table.”

Carolina gives Lilith a sympathetic look. “Oh, I know. That would be me.”

“You? What the fuck do you want?”

Carolina raises an elegant brow as she says sarcastically, “Maybe I want to hang with the girls.”

Lilith gives me a murderous look, and I grimace, reaching a hand out to rest on her arm as I say to Carolina, “Cut the shit. Tell us what you want, and then get the fuck out of here, or I’m not gonna be responsible for Lilith slashing your pretty face.”

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