Page 66 of What Doesn't Kill Us

“Yes, you are. Deep down, beneath the bullshit they fed you for your entire life, you are good. You could have taken me down, you could have destroyed me and then taken out every good thing I’d ever done, but you didn’t.”

“I wanted to. I came here determined I was going to succeed, that I would be the one to finally take down the infamous Beast.” She sighs, pressing her face into my chest for a moment before pulling back and continuing, “I was drawn to you from the start. At first, I thought it was the pull of the job and the thrill of the chase. And knowing that I might actually pull off a feat that no one else had even come close to. It’s surreal, almost impossible to fully explain.”

“Try.”

“I don’t know. It was like the more you pushed back at me, the more difficult you made the task—chasing you became like a drug. And then, in those rare moments where you would flip the switch and show me the real you when you turned your intentions on me fully, good fucking lord, you were so hot.”

The corners of my lips lift slightly, my eyebrows raising as I peer down at her knowingly. “Hmm, I was irresistible?”

She barks out a laugh, slapping me on the chest as she rolls her eyes. “Not hardly. You were such a fucking prick, but there was just something about you.”

“I’m sure I was a total bastard sometimes, but you put me on edge. I couldn’t figure out your game, and that’s what made me finally strike out. It was my need to know what you were about.”

“Even when I lost my memories, I still had a glimmer of those moments, and it scared me shitless. In the beginning, my changing emotions didn’t change the fact you were a job, and all my deeply ingrained beliefs about family, loyalty, and obedience were tough to overcome. And then, you twisted me around in the basement of your hideaway, and it just didn’t matter. I didn’t care about any of it, even knowing what they would do to me when they found out–I didn’t care. There was something about you in that moment that stirred my soul, and no matter how much I tried to push it down, I couldn’t. In that moment when I thought you had ended it by shooting yourself, my soul tore apart, dying right there with you.”

I squeeze my arms around her, pressing my face into her neck. “I wouldn’t have actually shot myself; you know that, right?”

“I didn’t. I was having an actual heart attack. So, if that was your mission, it totally worked.”

“My mission was to get you to admit you were besotted with me.”

“Besotted? Really?”

I chuckle against her neck and feel the shiver run through her. “Yes, besotted. You didn’t exactly admit to it then, but you gave me enough to realize I wouldn’t have to go to plan B.”

“What exactly was plan B?”

“The box.”

She laughs, shaking her head as she asks, “And what exactly is the box?”

“There’s a big drawer under the bed in the loft that pulls out. You’d fit in there perfectly.”

“Oh, my god. No, thank you.”

“I wouldn’t have kept you in there all the time. Just when I wasn’t around to use you.”

“You would’ve stored me in this box whenever you weren’t with me, and then whenever you showed up, you’d take me out just to use me for your whims?”

I nod, my teeth nipping her neck. “Oh, yes. I don’t think you truly understand the sheer depths of my depravity for you. If things had gone differently and you had shown me you felt nothing for me, no one ever would’ve found you again. But I would always know where you were because regardless of how you feel, you will always be mine.”

“No ‘if you love someone, set them free’ for you?”

“Not a fucking chance.”

I would have done it. I would have put her in that box and kept her there for the rest of my days.

“Can I ask you a question?” Her voice is quiet, hesitant.

“You can ask me anything.”

“Were there any others? You know when I wasn’t myself for all those months?”

“Any other what?”

She clears her throat, her voice small. “Women.”

I stiffen and immediately sit up, shifting back until I’m leaning against the headboard. I pull her up beside me, turning her so she’s facing me, and I can watch her face as I explain my answer, likely in more detail than she planned.

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