Page 20 of What Doesn't Kill Us

No one says anything for a few moments, and we glance around at each other, taking in the moment of relief we get from knowing we can relax and let our guard down without worrying someone is going to sneak in on our blind side and attempt to eliminate us.

Then we raise our drinks between us.

“To giving no fucks.”

Dare

When Matt called me about the impromptu house party he wanted to have, I was less than impressed. But then he explained how upset Toni was when she returned to the apartment with Lilith and how he felt a few moments of giving no fucks would benefit her. So, I caved.

I set up extra security around their apartment and put a few men in the building across the street to keep an eye out for possible suspicious activity. Carolina and I set up camp at a hotel nearby, and even though I doubt she really wanted to hang out with me, she was being a good sport as my cover story. Having her with me made it easier to explain being seen at a random hotel.

It’s after midnight when Matt sends me a video on my burner phone, and I open it to see Toni, obviously feeling no pain, standing on the coffee table. I chuckle, shaking my head at her antics. Carolina gives me a questioning look, so I hand the phone over, and she smiles, also shaking her head at the cackling coming from the video. She hands my phone back to me, her eyebrows raised as she looks at me. “Maybe you should go over there?”

My eyebrows furrow in response. “What for?”

“Someone’s going to need to put her to bed,” she says with a laugh. “I doubt she’s going to go willingly if she’s having a good time.”

“True. But eventually, she’ll have no choice, and she’ll crash.”

Carolina frowns. “What if she crashes emotionally before she crashes physically? There won’t be anyone there to help her out of it since it seems like everyone will be crashing before too long.”

I groan. She’s right in her assumption that Toni may have an emotional crash before a physical one. And since everyone appears to be three sheets to the wind, it’s unlikely anyone there will be much help if it comes down to it. So, I rise from my seat, grabbing my coat and room keycard as I shove my feet into my shoes. “I’ll be back.”

She smiles at me knowingly. “Take your time.”

I roll my eyes but say nothing as I leave our room and make my way out of the hotel. It’s a short walk to Toni’s place, but I hurry along anyway, worried she may already feel the depressant effect of the booze she’s been drinking all night.

I check in with my security detail, letting them know I’ll be entering the apartment, then let myself in, stopping to listen for movement before making my way further into the living area.

Tony is passed out on the sofa, snoring softly, and I begrudgingly stop myself from fucking with him like I used to back when we were young and dumb—well, younger and dumber. Matt is laid out on the smaller sofa, his arms and legs hanging over the edges, and I stop to take a picture of how stupid he looks before scanning the room for Lilith and Antoinette.

Lilith is curled up in the armchair, her knees tucked up under her chin, her arms wrapped around herself, and I pick up a throw blanket, settling it over her gently. She looks so much younger in her sleep, the normal tension I see etched on her face nonexistent. My chest tightens as I feel a pang of something that feels a lot like regret for the young woman she might have been if not born into such a life as the one she knows.

Shaking off the uncharacteristic feelings, I turn around, concerned I don’t see Toni anywhere. Turning to leave the room, I notice a soft glow coming from behind the chair, so I peer over Lilith and see Toni sitting on the floor, her back to the chair; her gaze focused on a video playing on her phone.

The video is blurry, so I walk around the chair, whispering her name so I don’t startle her too much. She starts a bit, but then her features brighten when her eyes connect with mine. “You’re here,” she whispers, her voice and expression dreamy as she reaches her hand out to me. I take her hand, but rather than sitting down beside her, I use my grip to urge her to her feet. She stands unsteadily, so I scoop her up, and she giggles, her head coming to rest on my shoulder, and I see she’s still watching the video on her phone as I walk down the hall and into her bedroom.

I set her on her feet, and she wobbles a bit, but then gets her feet stable underneath her. Antoinette reaches out and yanks the comforter down, then scurries up on the bed, grabbing all the pillows and piling them up against the headboard. She turns back to me, and I raise a brow at her in question as she reaches her hand out to me, beckoning me to join her.

Tsking at me, she then sighs. “Come on. You get to be my headboard.” Her words are slightly slurred, but she sounds happy and fucking adorable, and I groan inwardly, silently praying for strength as I get a vision of her innocently using me as her own private jungle gym in her drunkenness. I can do this. No problem.

She moves out of the way, and I sit on the bed, then scoot up and settle myself against the pillows as she instructed. I make room for her between my splayed legs and hold my arms out as she watches me, obviously pleased with herself. She pauses and shakes her head. “Off with the shirt.”

I drop my arms, frowning as I ask, “Why?”

She looks at me like I’m stupid. “For skin-to-skin contact, duh. The absolute best kind of bonding experiences require skin-to-skin contact.”

My frown deepens. “Isn’t that for babies?”

She glares at me, then scoffs. “It’s not just for babies!” she exclaims, quickly pulling her dress over her head as she continues, “Skin-to-skin contact is beneficial for everyone.” There goes her bra. “It increases oxytocin levels and boosts serotonin and dopamine levels, which lowers stress levels.”

She’s standing in front of me, wearing nothing more than a scrap of material she likes to call underwear, and I barely manage to avert my eyes, swallowing my groan of frustration as her tits taunt me with their hard peaks. I am being punished for being a duplicitous motherfucker for most of my life.

I quickly pull my shirt over my head and throw it on the floor, raising my hands and indicating for her to join me. There’s no way she’s going to miss my hard dick poking her in the back, but I try my best to make it less obvious as she settles against me. She pulls the comforter up over her naked body as she gets comfortable, and I sigh with relief that at least I won’t have to continue to pretend I’m not distracted by her bare form lying prone against me.

She sighs, pressing her upper body back against me firmly as she gets her phone out and starts watching the video again. I peer closer, my breath catching in my throat as I recognize the people on the screen.

Us.

---