Page 18 of What Doesn't Kill Us

“Why did you, then? Why didn’t you wash your hands of me and leave me behind? It certainly would’ve been the easier option.”

“Easier option at that moment, maybe. But the long-term repercussions wouldn’t have been worth it.”

I frown at her in confusion. “Long-term repercussions?”

She looks at me like I’m a moron but then says, “Yeah, Toni never would’ve forgiven me if I’d let you die. I’d have spent the rest of my days looking over my shoulder, waiting for her to seek retribution for the death of her one true love.”

“Now, you’re being dramatic.”

“No way, man, that crazy bitch loves your dumb ass, that much I am certain of.”.

I sigh and look away. “If you say so.”

Her fist connecting with my arm draws my attention back to her, and she meets my eyes and asks, “Has she never told you, then?”

I shake my head in response but say nothing. It’s not like there have been many chances for heartfelt declarations since I let how I felt slip to her so many months ago. And the constant state of high stress and endless unknowns hasn’t allowed for anything more than crisis mode, so it’s not surprising that she hasn’t felt the overwhelming urge to profess her undying love for me.

Agatha’s laughter brings me out of my thoughts, and I turn back to her. “What’s so funny?”

“You are. You lovesick fool.”

I scowl at her, clearing my throat and straightening in my seat. “Shut the fuck up.”

She cackles, “Oh my god, you are!”

My scowl deepens as I grumble at her. “See what I mean? You sisters are all the fucking same.”

She smiles at me, and for a moment, I see a much younger Lilith beaming back at me. They all look so much alike that it’s disconcerting, and I’m reminded that they’re all fucking crazy in their own way. I shake my head at her. “Just drive the car, asshole.”

She doesn’t say anything else as she puts the car in gear, and we continue our journey.

Laughing all the way.

Chapter Eight

Toni

Isurvivedmybreakdown.It amazes me how hollow you feel after a good emotional purge. Not that I recall having very many of them, but this feels oddly familiar, so I figure I must have lived through at least one in the past. Which gives me a one hundred percent survival rate so far.

It takes me quite a while to get my bearings, get a firm grip on myself, and tether my frayed emotions back down into the darkness I keep reserved for them. Part of me feels like this is normal, even if I don’t understand how I keep myself together so well most of the time.

Lilith stays with me for the duration, moving from one spot in our apartment to another as I shift through a never-ending carousel of emotions that I can barely put into coherent words. It’s almost like I’m sifting through the stages of grief in a flip book, and everyone around me must be getting whiplash from the experience. But Lilith doesn’t flinch; she remains an unwavering force by my side, absorbing my sadness, pain, and anger and coming back with whatever response I need in that moment.

Eventually, I exhaust myself into an uneasy sleep, and when I wake up a few hours later, she’s curled up beside me, fast asleep. I was sleeping facing her, so I turn to roll off the other side of the bed only to run into the sleeping form of Tony. I frown and sit up, looking around the room to see Matt sprawled in the chair in the corner. He grins at me and whispers, “Well, good afternoon.”

I scowl at him and ask, “What are you both doing in here?”

He looks at me like I’m an idiot but responds, “Making sure you’re okay. Shit, making sure we’re all okay.”

I frown, flopping back on the bed as I mutter, “Is anyone ever truly okay?”

He moves closer to me, and then his hand is on my foot, so I sit back up and look at him. He holds his hands out to me, and I grab them and allow him to pull me up from the bed, leaving the two sleeping beauties to their own devices. We leave my bedroom, and I pause at the guest bathroom in the hallway, using the facilities and freshening up by splashing cold water on my face. I look like shit, but I feel a lot better. Lighter.

I make my way out into the main living area, relieved to see Matt has taken it upon himself to prepare some food. I don’t remember the last time I had a proper meal, and my stomach growls in protest. “What’s on the menu? What can I do?”

Matt gives me a look, then laughs as he tosses me some vegetables. “You can cut those up and stay out of my way.”

I frown. “I can do more than cut up vegetables.”

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