Page 116 of Playboy

Exhaling, I wave her in. “Never.”

It absolutely is, but it’s probably best not to tell my direct supervisor that I was in the middle of writing a scene where my heroine is getting railed by the single dad with a choking kink. The season might be over, but my job with the Revs is year-round and does not include writing spicy books during office hours.

The Revs didn’t make it to the World Series, so our season has officially come to an end. Liv and Beckett spent a week in the Florida Keys, so her cheeks are rosy and her smile is bright. God, how I would love a real vacation. Maybe after the baby is born, sometime between Bolts and Revs games in the spring, we can find two to three days to get away.

Who am I kidding? The All-Star break is literally the only time each year we’ll be off at the same time. That thought is sobering.

And really sad.

Liv settles across from me, crossing one leg over the other. “How are you feeling?”

Instinctually, I settle a hand on my stomach, where our son is pummeling my bladder. He hates when I sit still. “The exhaustion has gotten better, and now I’m just—” I snap my mouth shut before the wordhornyslips out. Liv may be awesome, and I’m sure Beckett keeps her satisfied, but it’s probably not appropriate to talk about my sex life with my boss. “I’m ready to have this baby.”

“Yeah, when I was pregnant with the twins, I was over it by the end of the sixth month. Now, sometimes I’d like to just slip them back inside so I can get some peace and quiet.” She chuckles. “When’s your due date again?”

“January twentieth.”

Liv nods. “I thought I’d check in to talk to you about what you’re thinking for after maternity leave. You plan to take the full six months Langfield Corp offers, right?”

A gasp escapes me before I can stop it. “You offer six months?” I probably should have checked the employee handbook sometime during the last five months, but I just…didn’t.

“Yeah, Beckett changed the policy right after I had the twins. I don’t think he understood how difficult taking care of newborns can be until I tried to come back to work after three months.”

Shit, was she really out for six months? I was probably too busy cleaning up after Jasper to notice. “Wow. Well, yeah. That’s great.” I clear my throat. “I’ll look into a day care, and I guess Daniel and I can figure out where to go from there.”

“Hannah,” Liv says, her voice gentle as she leans forward, “daycares don’t keep babies overnight.”

Hackles rising, I splay my hands on my desk. “I’ll figure it out. You have five kids, and somehow, you did it.”

Liv shakes her head. “No. I was head of Langfield PR. I only traveled with the team here and there—and only because Beckett demanded it back when, apparently, he was obsessed with me and I didn’t have a clue. I couldn’t have traveled all season and raised my kids. It’s a job meant for someone without a family.” She shrugs. “Or a man.”

A mixture of fear and frustration and, yeah, a little anger, swirl in my stomach. “Can you even say that?”

She frowns. “No. Not as your employer. But we’re friends too, and I want to be honest with you. Certain jobs are impossible when you have young kids. You can’t travel for two-thirds of the year once you have this baby.”

Chest tightening, I blink back tears. “So am I going to lose my job? That’s illegal, isn’t it? You can’t fire me because I’m pregnant.”

“Honey, no.” She leans forward. “After your maternity leave, you’ll transition into another role. A role that doesn’t require nearly so much travel. That’s what I’m going to offer you, at least. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do.”

I inhale deeply, then let the breath out a little at a time, willing my nerves to settle. “Can I think about it?”

“Of course. This isn’t a demotion. We value your work above all else, and no matter what you decide, you’ll always have a spot here. You can have it all. I promise. But sometimes having it all looks a little different once you have a family. Does that make sense?”

I nod. She’s right. I can’t continue to travel like this. But even if I haven’t loved my job so much these days, and even if I miss Daniel when I’m gone—and know it will be ten times worse to leave him and my child next season—I don’t know if I can step away from the job I worked so hard for.

I wanderBoston for far too long, avoiding my apartment while a war rages in my head. I have to have a plan in mind before I talk to anyone about this. But before I come up with a plan, I need to process my feelings about the loss of my career. Or the massive overhaul of it, at the very least. I have to come to terms with all the changes coming down the pike.

Because whether or not I’m ready, they’re coming. Fast.

Something Liv said stuck with me. She said my job isn’t a good fit for women with children, yet she implied that a man could do it. She’s not wrong. I haven’t heard a single person mention to Daniel that he can’t play hockey now that we’re having a baby. In our society, we assume that the mother will be the one to give up her career.

Even if I’m not happy at work at the moment, I’m still angry at the societal expectations. Those two things can be true at the same time. I’m allowed to not want to do this anymore while also being annoyed that Ican’tdo this anymore.

I won’t even get a proper goodbye. The season is over, and when it starts again, I’ll be on maternity leave. I’ll never travel with the Revs as their PR rep again.

But no matter how I slice it, there’s no way I can travel with the team. I can’t rush out in the middle of the night to deal with problems, especially when Daniel is traveling.

These are just facts.

---