Page 34 of War

I watch her take a small sip, expecting her to cough. Instead, she hums appreciatively. Damn. That small sound only adds to the many layers of Ava.

“Can I ask you something?”

I nod.

“What made you want to adopt Josie?”

I rough a hand over my face. “How could I not want to? She deserves the world. How her mother could walk away, her foster parents too, blows my mind. It hurts, knowing they did it, but honestly?” I worry she’ll use this next part against me if I don’t get the wording right, but I go for it anyway. “I’m not even angry that they abandoned her.”

Like I expected, she scoffs, but I don’t let her get a word in before I continue.

“You know why? Because she deserves better than anyone who would leave. But I do feel bad for them. They’re missing out on one hell of a little girl.” I look around the room, cataloging all the shit I never had as a kid. “And I have the resources to take care of her. What’s the point of having all this, of working so hard, if I can’t use what I’ve got to help other people? If I don’t have someone to share it all with?” With my forearms on my thighs, I swirl my glass between my knees. “Maybe it’s not enough, but I love her. So yeah, maybe it’s selfish, but I want to adopt her because I want to be the one who does it all for her. I want to be her dad.”

When I finally turn to look at her, I’m not sure what I expect, but it’s not this. In the light of the Christmas tree, her green eyes are deep and full of understanding. She takes another sip of her drink as if she’s really considering my words, then gives me a soft smile. “That’s a really good answer.” She shakes her head, and then her eyes seem to dance around the living room again. “And you’re giving her all of it. I’ve got to admit, I couldn’t wrap my head around you being the one to adopt her.”

I smirk. “Admit it, you still can’t.”

She giggles as she brings her lowball glass to her lips. After another long sip, she lets out a slow breath. “Only because I wish it could beme.” The admission is so quiet I almost miss it, and a heartbeat later, she blinks away the look of longing that’s come over her. “Sorry, I think the alcohol is going to my head.”

“Don’t do that.” I straighten. “I like when you’re honest with me. When you’re a little vicious, even.”

Her smile grows. “I swear it only happens around you.”

Glass just hitting my lip, I chuckle. “Yeah, sure.” It’s a tease, but damn if I don’t know it’s the truth. And damn if I don’t enjoy that truth a little too much. It’s heady, knowing that I affect her in any sort of way. I bump my knee against hers. “Don’t sweat it. You may still have a shot if the judge turns me down.”

Shifting so she’s facing me, Ava blinks. “They can do that?”

“Sure.” I blow out a breath. “I have to prove that I’m fit to be her father, and if what my lawyer says is true, I’m fighting an uphill battle.”

“That’s ridiculous. Look at everything you’ve done for her. I love Josie with my whole heart, and I don’t even like you, yet I’d pick you for her father any day of the week.” Her voice cracks, and she blinks back emotion.

The righteous indignation that fills her on my behalf, the way she cares so deeply for my little girl, has me leaning forward and swiping a thumb below her eye, catching the falling tear. “Thanks.” It’s humbling to know that she’d pick me. That she believes I’m worthy of filling the role of Josie’s dad.

We’re closer now, my face and hers only a breath apart. My hand on her. My thumb now stroking her cheek. Her lips part, and her eyes move back and forth, taking me in. I find myself doing the same, cataloging her every feature. The way her body is inching closer and how her watery mossy-colored eyes are blown wide.

I’d only have to clear an inch of space to know what those lips taste like. To swallow her breath. Maybe get to the heart of her sadness.

“What does your lawyer say you should do?”

Her words have me pulling back, instantly awash in the knowledge of what a grave mistake I almost made.

Ava is heartbroken and maybe a little drunk. God, she must be to say I should be Josie’s father. She hates me.

I run my hand through my hair and watch the flames flicker in the fireplace. “Prove that I’m stable. That I have a system in place to support Josie. It’s not as easy as it sounds, since I’m a single parent who travels for a living.”

“But you have Maria.”

With a nod, I take another sip, relishing the way the whiskey burns. “She’s a Band-Aid for the situation. Maria could up and quit while I’m out of town, and then what?”

Affronted, Ava rears back. “She would never.”

I hold my glass out like I’m making a toast. “Maria is a saint. That’s for sure. And while you and I know that, the judge doesn’t. I’d never admit it outside this room, but he isn’t wrong. Josie deserves a mom and a dad. I’d be hoping another amazing family would come along and snatch her up if it weren’t for Scarlett and Brayden. But they need her.” I take another sip of my whiskey, licking a drop off my bottom lip. “We all need her.”

“Did your lawyer have any suggestions? I mean she has to have a plan, right?” Distress laces Ava’s tone. Like this is her problem and not mine. It’s nice to have someone care as much as I do. And it’s always been clear to me that when it comes to Josie, Ava cares.

Maybe that’s why I continue to open up, to spill all the overwhelming thoughts that have been swirling and keeping me up late into the nights as I search for any possible way to keep all the kids together. “She said Josie needs a mother figure. Another parent who can be here when I’m not.”

“So you need a wife.” The declaration is so simple, so flippant.

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