Page 21 of War

As I step onto the deck and close the glass door, the cold bites at my skin. It’s a welcome sensation—my body is most comfortable in the cold. On the ice at the rink, on a frozen pond back home in Canada, here on my deck. I breathe in a deep lungful of frigid air as I survey the scene inside. My home is warm and comfortable and filled with the people I love the most. I never intended to have a family of my own, but that was another one of my mother’s sayings:The best things in life aren’t planned.

“Ready for Christmas?” Madi asks when I answer.

There’s no stopping the smile that forms on my lips as I imagine Brayden’s reaction to his Christmas gifts.

“Yeah, I’ve got three days off in a row so I won’t have to travel until the twenty-ninth. It’ll be nice. How about you? Where do the famous Duncan Scott and his family spend Christmas?”

Madi laughs. “We’ll be in Bristol. The kids are thrilled about it, since Duncan doesn’t have to be on set again until summer. His next movie is being filmed in Italy, so we’re all going.”

“That’s great, Madi. I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Halfway through that single syllable, her cheery disposition fades, and she sighs. “Tyler, I’m calling because the state has been in touch. You should expect a visit from Josie’s social worker in the next week or so.”

My stomach twists, the sensation urging me to look away from the joyful scene in the living room. As if I don’t want Madi’s next words to touch my family. To sully their happiness. They’re in this perfectbubble—Josie is smiling as she paints Maria’s nails, and Scarlett claps along with the music coming from the TV. Even Brayden has joined in on the fun. He’s sitting on the floor beside Scarlett now, tickling her belly.

Instead, I focus on the darkness over the lake, the almost black water, the color of which bleeds into the trees. If not for the light dusting of snow, they’d be nothing but a dark wall enveloping us. “Should I be worried?”

“The hospital was required to notify them of Josie’s injury. It’s typical for them to visit after an incident like that. But this is what I was talking about. If they come while you’re away, who will they find taking care of Josie?”

“Maria is here.” The words are sharp with aggravation. “I have a job, Madi. Just like the majority of parents. I can’t watch her every move, but she’s happy, she’s cared for, and she’s loved. What more do they want from me?”

“A stable home where Josie’s best interests are put at the forefront. And that’s what you are giving her. We just need them to see it.” Madi’s tone is filled with sincerity and empathy.

She sees how hard I’m trying, and she’ll fight for our family. Of that I have no doubt. That’s all I can hope for, I suppose.

“Just live your life like you have been. And enjoy the holiday with the kids. There’s nothing like that first Christmas,” she says wistfully. “I guess I never asked; do you have siblings? My sisters spoil the crap out of our kids.”

Unease churns in my stomach. “I have a stepbrother. We’re not close. But his girlfriend is actually very close with Josie. They’re all coming here for Christmas.”

She hums. “Kids tend to make underlying issues seem less important. Hopefully that’s the case for you and your brother.”

Stepbrother. I have to bite back the urge to correct her. And yeah, that’s never going to happen. I’d like Xander to spend as little time with my kids as possible.

“But how nice for Josie to have found a friend with your family. Having a positive, stable female presence in her life should be good for her after all she’s been through with Krista.”

The unease ramps up to something akin to dread. It swirls and grows and threatens to consume me, even as Madi makes small talk. Finally, when I make an excuse to end the call, I turn back and watch Josie. She’s happy here. Happy with us. We’re all she needs.

Even as I repeat those thoughts like a mantra, I know in my heart that’s not true. Suddenly, I’m regretting my decision to host Christmas with my family—and Ava—because I know exactly what Josie needs, and it’s the one thing I can’t give her.

EIGHT

AVA

Why isit that when a woman harps on something, she’s labeled as difficult or whiney, but when a man does it, the woman in his life is expected to put up with it without complaint?

“How do you forget to tell your boyfriend you’re leaving an event we attended together? It’s like you don’t care about me at all.”

I consider my words for what feels like the seven hundredth time this week. It’s not that I forgot about Xander, per se… Okay, maybe I did. But admitting that won’t do me any favors. It’s that Josie took precedence over everything else in that moment. Then the shock of her adoption—and the identity of the person doing the adopting—threw me for a loop.

I didn’t check my phone until the next morning, so I understand why Xander was mad. What confuses me, maybe even irritates me, is that an hour after the firstwhere are you?text, he messaged that he was headed home, and I didn’t hear from him again. He didn’t seem all that concerned about my well-being. In fact, I heard through the grapevine that he went out with a few of the younger Bolts players. Unlike Brooks and Aiden, the younger guys go out pretty regularly, and when they do, they’re surrounded by puck bunnies. I’d like to think Xander doesn’t notice the women,but I’m not naïve.

But since I’m the one who forgot about him, I can’t really say anything about his whereabouts that night.

I reach across the car and squeeze his thigh. “I’m really sorry. It was selfish of me, but truly, I care about you. I hope you know that. When I heard Josie was in the hospital, I shut down. You know how that stuff affects me.”

Xander links his fingers with mine. The move instantly reminds me of why I’m with him. He really is a kind, caring guy. And I’m a jerk for having forgotten all about him.

Because he’s right, I 1,000 percent did.

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