Page 20 of War

It’s not a lie, though, that I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Telling them somehow made it all seem more real. And if it’s real, then it means I have something to lose, and like I’ve said before, the only luck I have is bad luck, so I didn’t want to risk it.

I slip my phone back into my pocket and focus on the scene aroundme—one they wouldn’t believe unless they were here to see it. The theme song from Disney’sZombiesblares from the television while Josie paints Maria’s nails bright pink and sings along with the music at full volume. Scarlett bounces on the floor, clapping and singing along too, though she doesn’t know most of the lyrics and the ones she does know come out in an adorably garbled two-year-old language.

Bray and I are in the kitchen, watching SportsCenter with closed-captioning on since we can’t hear a damn word the commentators are saying.

In other words, it’s a typical Wednesday night. I’m home with my favorite people and soaking in every moment of it before I have to leave for a short stretch of away games.

When the song finally comes to an end, Bray and I let out matching sighs of relief. Then he cracks a smile. With all the changes he’s been through over the last year, it would be a miracle if he smiled at all, let alone more than he used to. But he does. Like me, being part of a family has buoyed him. Even if that family is loud, more colorful than we could have imagined, and has been infiltrated by Disney and girls.

“Liam says his dad can take me to practice while you’re traveling.”

I give Brayden a nod. This is good. The kid is making friends. I wish I could take him to every practice. Hell, I wish I could coach his hockey team. But I’m nowhere near retiring. At thirty-two, I’ve still got another four years in me. Maybe more. Or maybe that’s wishful thinking. Since I can’t always be here, I need help getting him to his five-a.m. practices and the games throughout New England that I’ll miss while playing my own. At least until he can drive himself. Hockey families live life on the road from youth to adulthood.

Yes, having a partner to share the load with would be ideal, but for a guy like me—who lost all faith in women long ago and can’t help but envision meeting a woman I think is the real deal, only to discover she’s a puck bunny after introducing her to my kids—a nanny is my only option.

Then again, that plan has the potential to bite me in the ass too. Because, once again, women.

Maybe I should find a Manny. That’s a thing, right?

Probably, but men kind of suck too.

Clearly, I don’t trust people, period. Kids are the only exception to that rule. And the Langfield brothers. And Hall. And Fitz.

Okay, I guess I trust most of my teammates. And Maria. And the Langfield women are okay too.

I’ve been proven wrong too many times to have faith in anyone else. Take Sebastian Lukov, my former coach, for instance. After my mom died, I was forced to move to Boston, and not long after, I met Brooks. It took a little convincing, but eventually, he talked me into meeting up for a morning skate.

At that point in my life, I hated everyone. I’d just lost my mom, and my father was busy with work and had no idea how to deal with a grieving, moody teenager. Hockey wasn’t his thing. Still isn’t. By then, Dory had been around for several years, and Xander followed my father around like a puppy, happy to tag along with him to the club to play pickleball or golf. My dad was far too busy with work and his own hobbies to drive me to hockey practice or the games in the Boston area and surrounding states. He’d pay for it, sure, but in his words, he wasn’t my personal taxi.

My mom and I had lived on a shoestring budget, and after working long hours to make ends meet, she made sure I was at every practice and had the gear I needed. Not only that, but she never missed a game. How she did it all is still a mystery to me, but she always said that when it came to the people who matter, a person makes it work.

So when Brooks introduced me to his Uncle Seb—a former hockey pro—I kept my expectations low. At first, at least. After that first skate, when he offered to pick me up for practices, I agreed, but still kept him at arm’s length. Eventually he was the one who shuttled me to all my games, though he was really doing it for Brooks and Aiden, since their own father was busy like mine. Later, when Brooks and I went to college together, I could explain away Seb’s presence in my life because, once again, Brooks was there.

When I went pro and Brooks and I were drafted to different teams, Brooks to the Bolts from day one, and me to Minnesota, I figured that was the end of my relationship with Seb. Since I was no longer playing with his nephew, why would he show up? But at my first professional game, he was there. He took me out to dinner afterwardto celebrate. That was the moment I finally lowered my walls and put my trust in him. The moment I finally allowed myself to believe that maybe I wouldn’t be disappointed by everyone in my life.

Then last year I found out Seb had been cheating on his wife and lying to everyone we knew, and my heart broke. For a while, I held on to hope that maybe he’d lost his way and could turn things around. Redeem himself. And I stupidly held on even after he got fired and never once reached out to me, never once returned a call or text I made to him. And believe me, I tried.

I’m loyal that way. I truly thought our relationship was a real one. Solid.

But only a few weeks ago, he did some shady shit and fucked with Aiden’s head, knowing the kid was suffering from depression. In that moment, all my illusions were shattered again.

So here I am, back to not trusting people.

“You think you can make it to the end of the tournament in Maine on Sunday?” Bray asks, pulling me out of my inner turmoil.

I dig my phone back out of my pocket and hold it between us so he can take a look at it with me. “I’m in Philadelphia tomorrow, then Chicago after that. But it looks like we’ll be back Sunday morning,so long as we’re not delayed, I should be able to get up there.”

Brayden breaks into a smile but quickly squashes the expression. “Cool, cool. I mean, it’s no big deal if you can’t.”

Fuck, it makes my chest ache, watching him gear himself up for disappointment. I work hard to be transparent in hopes of not crushing him when plans have to change. There are times, unfortunately, when I can’t help it. My job is extremely demanding, especially now that I’m captain. But like my mom, I make an effort for the people who matter. So for him, I’ll always try my best.

I wrap an arm around him and squeeze his shoulder. “I want to be there, Bray.”

He’s begrudgingly accepting the affection when my phone buzzes and Madi’s name flashes on the screen.

“I gotta grab this.” Standing, I swipe the device from the counter, then head for the back deck. Whether she’s calling with good news, bad news, or no news, it’ll be far easier to hear her without Josie and Scarlett randomly bursting into song.

I round the butcher-block island that divides the kitchen space from the living area. It’s massive, with enough barstools to seat twelve. The floors are dark wood and match the beams cut across the high ceilings in the oversized living room. The whole floor is bright and open, thanks in part to the floor-to-ceiling windows with a killer view of our own private lake. There’s a small pond too, perfect for skating in the winter, and the lot is surrounded by tall spruce trees, reminding me of the landscape in Canada, though my mother and I could never have afforded a house like this.

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