Page 126 of War

I clear my throat. “Uh. She’s not coming.”

Nodding, Madi looks at me. Or maybe she’s looking through me, coming up with a plan. I’m glad one of us has all their faculties, because I have no fucking idea what to do.

“Okay,” she sighs. “Let’s go in there. Remember, unless the judge asks you a question directly, don’t speak.” I take an exasperated breath. I’m not an idiot. “And no eye rolling,” she adds.

I guess I did that as well, if the way she’s glaring at me is any indication.

“No shaking your head, no mouthing of words. Just sit still, palms together on the desk, and let me do all the talking.”

“You got it.”

I absolutely cannot listen to a word of advice my attorney gave me moments before we stepped into the courtroom. Not when the judge goes off on a tangent about the concerning text messages she’s received.

“I find it extremely concerning that one of the petitioners was sending messages of this nature to someone who is deceased?—”

Even as Madi places a hand over mine, which is balled into a tight fist on the table, to keep me seated, I stand and clear my throat.

“Excuse me, your honor, but I can’t sit here and let you talk about my wife like that.” The judge’s surprised glare and the overall whoosh of air the collective room sucks in doesn’t stop me. “Respectfully, you have no idea what you’re talking about. My wife is too good. So incredible, in fact, that it’s hard for her to let go of the woman she was literally created to save. Can you imagine that? She was brought into this world for the sole purpose of saving her sister.

“And that’s exactly who Ava is. She cares so much for the people she loves. She’d do anything for us. And now we’re sitting here, judging her, for caring so deeply. As if it’s too much. But is there such a thing?”

The older woman on the bench gapes at me, as if I’ve stunned her. Actually, I think the entire room is watching me in either wide-eyed horror or wonder.

“All because some faceless person has weaponized what was essentially her only connection to the person who, for years, meant everything to her.” Arms spread wide, I continue. My voice is too loud, but I don’t care. “My mom died when I was twelve. Do you know what I do when I miss her? I talk to the sky.Would you judge me for that?”

Her head tilts and I take that as her acceptance.

“Exactly. Of course you wouldn’t. Because collectively we’ve all agreed it’s acceptable to believe that our loved ones are looking down on us. Others visit the grave of the person they miss and spill their secrets there. They can rant and rave, and that’s normal. My wife texts her sister’s number.” I shake my head. “My wife is a smart woman. She knows her sister isn’t holding a cell phone behind a pearly set of gates. It’s just her way of working through her thoughts and emotions. Who are we to judge that?” I pound my fist against my chest. “Who areweto judge the way a person cares?”

“I am the judge,” the woman says, though her tone isn’t rude or combative. She honestly looks baffled. As if she doesn’t know what to make of my outburst.

I don’t blame her.

Madi stands at my side and appears ready to speak, but the judge glares at her, so she sits back down.

“I know you’re the judge. I know it’s up to you whether Josie stays with us. And I can assure you that is all my wife and I care about. So I’m here to beg you. No, I’m here totellyou, there isn’t another person in existence who could be a better mother to Josie than my wife.”

“You keep calling her your wife, but these messages indicate that your marriage isn’t real.”

“I assure you it’s as real a marriage as that of any person who pledges their life to another in this courtroom. Did we have a contract? Yes. Do I love my wife?Yes.I love my wife more than I ever imagined possible. Did I the day I married her? Also yes. I didn’t know her well enough to love her the way I do now, but I loved the way she loved my little girl and the way she never let me get away with anything. I loved the way she’d get red when I pissed her off. My love for her may look different now, but our marriage has been based on love since day one. It was based on our shared love for a little girl who we would do anything to care for and protect and make happy. So much so that we pledged to stay together, no matter what, to raise our kids.”

“Until your youngest is eighteen,” she points out, holding a sheet of paper in front of her.

Probably the post-nuptial agreement Madi had us sign, which details what would happen should we separate.

“What’s the issue there? In most marriages, two people pledge their lives to one another without considering what will happen to any future children if they divorce. What happens then? A long, drawn-out fight? How is that in a child’s best interest?”

The judge almost appears to hold back a smirk at my response.

“Ava and I made a plan so that our kids would be in a safe, happy household until they’re adults.” I point at the paper. “That contract protects them. Isn’t that what parents do? Isn’t that what you’re charged with determining? Whether we’ll put them first? You can guarantee we will. Josie and her siblings will always be our first priority. That contract guarantees that.”

“I understand your devotion, Mr. Warren. But it started with a lie to the court.”

“Where is the lie?” I bellow, my body temperature ratcheting up several degrees. Fuck. I wish I could tear my tie and suit jacket off. “Everything we’ve told you is the truth.” I hold up my fist and lift a finger as I count off each truth. “We’re married.Truth.We love Josie.Truth. She’ll always come first.Truth.She’ll always have a home with us.Both of us.We’ll raise her together, no matter what. Where is the lie?” I’m breathless by the time I’ve finished my tirade, desperate to make her see our side in this. To see Josie’s side. Because truly they are one and the same.

Frowning, she studies me, as if actually considering my argument. “That’s all well and good, Mr. Warren. And maybe you’ll get your way. But you’re the only one here. Why is that? Where is this wife who cares so much?”

My heart pounds as I garner my energy to go another round to defend Ava. She’s broken, but I know that, if given the chance, she’ll pick herself up and be here for our girl. I just need to fight a little more today so she can have that chance.

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