Page 21 of Christmas with Holly

Lowering her head, Maggie kissed the sleeping baby in her arms. He was vulnerable but solid against her, his skin a miracle of smoothness and downy warmth. Briefly she remembered a moment in those last ephemeral days of Eddie’s life when in quiet desperation, she had wished that she’d had a baby with him. Any way to keep a part of him with her.

“Sweetheart,” her father said, “I’ve never had to go through what you did with Eddie. I don’t know when the grieving process ends, or how you finally know when you’re ready to move on. But there’s something I’m sure of: The next guy will be different.”

“I know. I knew that. I think what’s bothering me is the realization thatI’mdifferent.”

Her father gave her a vaguely owlish look, as if the comment had surprised him. “Of course you are. How could you not be?”

“Part of me doesn’t want to change. Part of me wants to stay the same person I was when I was with Eddie.” She stopped when she saw her father’s expression. “Is that crazy? Do you think I need to see a therapist?”

“I think you need to go out on a date. Wear a nice dress, enjoy a free meal. Give someone a kiss good night.”

“But once I move on from being Eddie’s widow, who’ll remember him? It’ll be like losing him all over again.”

“Honey.” Her father’s voice was quiet and kind. “You learned a lot from Eddie. The things about him that changed you for the better…that’s how he’ll go on. He won’t be forgotten.”

“I’m sorry,” Shelby said, as Mark brought her a mug of hot tea. She was curled up on the sofa, dressed in gray cashmere loungewear. She was about to say something else, but instead let out a violent sneeze.

“It’s fine,” Mark said, sitting beside her.

Pulling a tissue from a box, Shelby blew her nose. “I hope it’s just allergies. I hope you don’t catch anything. You don’t have to stay with me. Save yourself.”

Mark smiled at her. “It takes more than a few germs to scare me off.” Opening a bottle of cold medicine, he shook out two tablets and handed them to her.

Shelby picked up a bottle of water from the coffee table, downed the tablets, and made a face. “We were going to such a great party,” she said dolefully. “Janya has the coolest apartment in Seattle, and I was going to show you off to everyone.”

“You can show me off later.” Mark draped a throw blanket over her. “For now, focus on getting better. I’ll even let you have the remote.”

“You are so sweet.” Sighing, Shelby leaned against him and blew her nose again. “So much for our sexy weekend.”

“Our relationship is about more than sex.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that.” Pausing, she added, “That’s number three on the list.”

Mark flipped slowly through the cable channels. “What list?”

“I probably shouldn’t tell you. But recently I read a list of five signs that a man is ready for the C-word.”

Mark stopped channel-flipping. “The C-word?” he asked blankly.

“Commitment. And so far you’ve done three things on the list of what a man does when he’s ready for commitment.”

“Oh?” he said cautiously. “What’s number one?”

“You’ve gotten tired of nightclubs and bars.”

“Actually, I’ve never liked nightclubs.”

“Second, you’ve introduced me to your family and friends. Third, you’ve just indicated that you think of me as more than an outlet for sex.”

“What’s four and five?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because if I tell you, you may not do them.”

Mark smiled and gave her the remote. “Well, let me know if I do. I’d hate to miss anything.” He put his arm around her while she looked for a movie on demand.

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