Her eyes welled with tears, but she didn’t let a single one drop. I pressed my lips to her forehead, holding them there for a moment before I grabbed her hand in mine again, leading her down to my bike.
Chapter Eight
Adelaide
My eyes instantly landed on Tristan as I stepped into the clubhouse, River close on my heels. Ignoring Tristan’s eyes boring into me, I turned away from him and strode behind the bar, heading into the kitchen to grab some cereal. My stomach was beginning to rumble, the morning sickness finally beginning to pass for the day.
“We need to talk,” Tristan spoke up quietly from near the doorway to the kitchen.
I stiffened instantly, my guard going up hard against him. I slowly set down the box of cereal onto the counter, suddenly losing my appetite.
I didn’t want to have this talk with him. I wasn’t ready. Even if hedeservedthis talk, it was too hard for me to rip him apart once again, and I knew I would have to. Shit between Tristan and I could never be simple and easy.
Because I wouldn’t be able to give him what he wanted. I never could, not after I got with Joey. And now that I was with River?It wouldneverhappen. River was it for me. I knew it. I could feel it deep in my bones.
River was the one Joey had told me about.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Tristan,” I told him coldly, keeping my gaze fixed on the countertop. I needed to be cold and void of emotion, or I would walk out of here, ripped apart just like he would be.
He gripped my shoulder and spun me around to face him, steadying me when I stumbled at the force he’d used. His dark eyes bore into mine with an intensity only he had ever been capable of having, and I swallowed thickly, my heart racing with nervousness at his proximity.
But those feelings that had once been there? They weren’t strong anymore, not like they used to be. I was no longer in love with him. I wasn’t sure if that knowledge gave me relief or fucking hurt me. This man used to be the center of my entire universe and now…
Now, there was nothing.
“Like hell we don’t have something to talk about,” he softly snarled down at me. “You left me, Adelaide. Not only that, but you fucked one of the men I trusted the most.” I flinched, knowing I deserved the cutting of his words. Deserving them didn’t make them hurt any less though. “Why the fuck did you do that? None of this shit has made sense to me.”
I ripped myself from his grip, my walls going back up hard against him as I let that familiar surge of rage rush through my veins. I had to be angry. If I wanted to get through this conversation with him, I needed to be furious and cold. I had tobreak his heart for the final time, get him to finally turn away from me, from whatusedto be between us.
“I left because you’re a fucking asshole, Tristan.” He closed his eyes, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath. My hands shook at my sides. “You ruined me four years ago when you dumped me on the night of my fucking birthday. I was still stupid enough to let you back into my heart a year ago, Tristan, but it only bit me in the ass because you refused to understand me. You were trapping me, tearing me down with every passing second. I couldn’t—fuckingcan’t—do this with you anymore. It’s only going to kill both of us in the end.”
“I fucking love you, Adelaide,” he snapped, his voice rising only slightly before he controlled it again.
I sucked in a sharp breath at his admission. That part of my heart that would always belong to him sliced open, bleeding inside of me. “You love the old me, Tristan,” I told him,pleadingwith him. “You’re in love with the eighteen-year-old girl who blushed at the slightest compliment, who needed your constant reassurance and comfort, who needed a hero from the life she was living.” I swallowed thickly. “You’re in love with the stupid girl that clung to your every word.” I shook my head, letting out a humorless laugh. “Newsflash, Tristan, I’m not that fucking girl anymore. I’m never going to be her again, and it’s time that you realized that. I don’t need a hero anymore. I’m saving myself.”
“I just wantyou, Adelaide. I don’t care who you are today. I just fucking wantyou,” he breathed, gutting us both.
God, he was killing me.
Tears filled my eyes as my composure slipped. He frowned, stepping closer to me. “Tristan, it can’t happen,” I choked out,stepping out of his reach when he moved to pull me into his arms. “I’m not in love with you anymore, Tristan.” His expression fell, and pain filled his gorgeous features, pain that I put there because I was ripping his heart out of his chest. “I fell out of love with you when I realized that you were too controlling for me. I could never just bemyself, Tristan. We clash way too much.”
“Addy baby, please,” he pleaded, his expression completely broken.
I sobbed, my heart breaking right along with his. I shook my head at him, a couple of tears trickling down my cheeks. He shakily reached up to wipe them away, and I let him, letting us have this one last, beautiful moment together before I destroyed both of us completely.
“I will always love you, Tristan, but I don’t love you enough to be with you anymore. I’m having a kid with River. Tristan, he makes mehappy,” I cried, a small, broken smile touching my lips as I thought about howaliveRiver made me feel, how different River was from the other men I’d had in my life.
I looked up at Tristan again, reaching up to take his handsome face between my hands as I let my eyes meet his shattered ones. “You have to let me go, Tristan,” I begged him, my voice as broken as I felt. “If you love me as much as you say you do, you’ll let me go, and you’ll let me be truly happy for once in my life.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing hard as he nodded. I reached up on my tiptoes and gently pressed my lips to his cheek. “I willalwayslove you, Tristan, but I can’t do this with you anymore,” I whispered before I stepped around him and moved out of the kitchen, silent tears sliding down my cheeks asI left that piece of my heart that would always belong to Tristan in that kitchen at his feet.
I wanted to drink. Fucking hell, I wanted to do nothing more than get absolutely shit-faced and trash some shit, something—anything—to get this pain out of my chest.
I wanted to fuckingfight.
My hands were itching to destroy something. Somebody.
Joseph arched an eyebrow at me when I stepped into the garage. “Something got you worked up, girly?” he asked me, clearly concerned, but I didn’t want his concern. I wanted him to hate me as much as I hated myself because I was a fucked-up bitch with an ugly, dark soul.