Page 31 of Castle's Cards

“We have nothing but time.”

Carter nods and takes a deep breath. It feels like forever before he lets it out.

“Okay. I started dating Elise about ten years ago. She was helping me with run my IT company at the time.”

“You had an IT company?” My brows shoot up in surprise. There’s so much I don’t know about him. It’s embarrassing, now that I think about it. I’m practically in a relationship with a stranger.

“Yes. I sold it after she died.”

“Oh.”

“Two years after we met, Elise and I got married. She was my first true love. I’d been with women before but she was the most incredible person I’d ever met. We wanted kids so badly, but it didn’t happen for us. Two years after we got married, we discovered why.”

He pauses, and even though I feel like I should respond, say something comforting, I can’t bring myself to interrupt. “She was diagnosed with cervical cancer. By the time they discovered it, the cancer had already metastasized to her lungs.”

I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand. That’s horrifying. To not only discover the reason why they couldn’t have kids but also discover that it was too late for them to do anything about her cancer -- it’s horrifying.

“That’s horrible, Carter. I’m so sorry you went through that.”

He nods, and when he looks up at me, I can see the glassiness of his eyes, slick with potential tears.

“After her diagnosis, I did everything I could to try to save her. Chemotherapy, radiation, alternative treatments. Eventually she told me that she just wanted to spend what little time she had left with me. By that time there wasn’t much she could do. She passed away less than a year after the diagnosis.”

I feel a tear slide down my cheek and I wipe it away as my heart breaks for the hurt that Carter has endured. No one should ever have to go through the death of a spouse. I can’t believe how horrible I was to him because he didn’t want to talk about this.

I reach out and squeeze Carter’s hand.

“I’m so sorry for not giving you the chance you needed to speak about her. For making you feel like you had to tell me. After everything you went through… that’s the last thing you needed.”

“No. I’m sorry for not telling you, Addy. You weren’t horrible. You just didn’t know -- and how could you? I was so scared to open up. I’ve been pulling away from being with anyone for the past five years. Truthfully, I’ve been scared to move on. When I met you, I was exploding with all these conflicting feelings that I didn’t know how to deal with. Any time I thought about telling you, I became scared that I would lose you before we really got the chance to be anything.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Carter. I’m right here next to you.”

He leans in and kisses me softly. Then Carter yawns.

“Do you want to come in? We could both use the sleep,” I say, my eyes darting to the time. It’s 3:45 in the morning. We’ve been sitting out here for an hour and a half.

“Let’s do it.”

Carter takes the keys out and follows me into the apartment. I lead him into my plain bedroom and shut the door behind us. He takes off his clothes and gets into bed, climbing under the covers. I hold him close when I slide in next to him, gently stroking his neck.

Carter looks at me, his eyes meeting mine. The only sound in the room is the two of us breathing in sync. It feels like forever before Carter leans in, gently pressing his lips against mine.

The kisses become deeper, more passionate as he draws me closer, tangling his hands in my hair. I run my hands down his chest, feeling his sculpted ab muscles.

Carter’s hands float down my body, cradling me to him as his fingertips reach the edges of my underwear.

He pulls them down, and I kick them from my feet. My lips don’t leave his as my hands roam their way to his briefs, freeing his cock easily.

Carter groans, pulling me on top of him. He slides his tongue in my mouth as I position myself over him. I sink slowly down onto him, the tension in my body dissipating at the feeling.

We move together, his hips pushing up to meet mine. Nothing about this moment is rushed or intense.

Every sigh, grunt, and moan is met with a soft touch and his lips fluttering over mine. Every time we’ve had sex before, it was fucking. It was quick, rushed, fueled by desire.

This time is different. Every thrust into me, every kiss I place on Carter’s shoulder, is only driven by our love for each other.

Though we haven’t spoken the words to each other, this moment is enough.

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