Page 6 of Sparrow

2014

“5...6...7...8...9...10 BREATHE, BABY.You’re doing so good. So damn good. Keep pushing,” I say to Laura, as she pauses to catch her breath.

“It hurts. It hurts so bad. How many more?” she asks the doctor, who is sitting at the edge of the bed between her legs.

“I can see the head, Laura. Just a few more big pushes and you’ll be a new mommy,” he replies.

“I’m so proud of you.” I kiss her sweaty forehead.

When I saw her that day two years ago in the doctor’s office, this was the last thing I expected to happen. Our relationship progressed at a mostly steady pace. Texts led to phone calls. Phone calls led to dates. Dates led to more dates. More dates led to sex. Sex led to love. Love led to her screaming her head off on the maternity floor as she brings our new bundle into the world.

“Fuck your pride, Grayson. I want this baby out of me!” she shouts.

“Take a deep breath, Laura,” her doctor says, as he fiddles around between her legs.

I can’t watch. It’s too weird to see.

“Last push, babe. You can do it, okay? Just close your eyes, squeeze my hand, and push,” I coach.

She never responds with words, only with a deep groan and a hard push that ends in the most amazing sound—the high-pitched cry of a baby—our baby. Our daughter.

I look down to see the doctor suction her little nose and immediately place her on Laura’s chest.

“Ten fingers and ten toes, Doc?” I ask, my eyes still fixed on the sight before me.

“Yes, sir. She’s utterly perfect,” he says, as he moves out of the way so the nurses and assistants can finish what needs to be done.

Laura looks up at me and smiles, but it’s small, it doesn’t feel genuine or natural. I chalk it up to exhaustion. We have been in the hospital for seven hours, after all.

“You did it.” I kiss the top of her head then turn my attention to the beauty resting on her chest. I see her mother instantly. I know that sounds silly, but it’s true. At just a few minutes old, she has already stolen my heart.

“Grayson? Can you ask them to take her? I just...please ask them to take her. I’ll hold her once I can get situated.” Laura’s voice is tired and raspy.

“Are you sure? You only just got her. I mean, I’m more than happy to hog her forever but...isn’t this skin-on-skin time important?” I ask with a tilt of the head.

“Grayson, please.” She hasn’t even looked down at our daughter once. I shake my head a little and shrug my shoulders.

“I’ll get them.”

***

The sun is starting to rise now, casting an orange hue over the hospital room. Laura is sleeping soundly in the bed, the covers tucked all the way up to her neck, and I’m sitting in the chair by the window. Our daughter, whom we’ve named Cadence, is in my arms with a bottle tucked firmly in her mouth.

Laura tried to breastfeed with no success. She said it was painful and was only causing her frustration.

“I wish I knew what was going through your mom’s head right now, Cadence. She seems very...scared and distant. I’m sorry it’s affecting you.” I speak softly while staring down at the beauty who stole my heart this morning.

“Maybe being a mom is just new and scary right now. I can understand that. I’m scared too, but I promise you...right now...I will give you the most amazing life. No matter what, Daddy loves you.”

Cadence responds as only a newborn baby can, with a noncommittal grunt and sigh, because she truly didn’t understand a word I said. The thought makes me laugh.

“Grayson?” Laura rouses from the bed.

“I’m here. I’m just feeding her. I tried to wake you, but you were a rock,” I whisper.

“Oh…Yeah. I mean, thank you for feeding her and not waking me.”

“Laura...are you all right?”

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