Page 37 of Whispered Desire

Options.

Isn't that what I've always wanted?

But choice comes with risks. For so long, I've been pummeled by the waves of life. Fighting to stay above water as one problem after another battered my flailing limbs.

Life has happenedtome.

I've rarely taken the opportunity to influence it. To be an active participant. That's the consequence of allowing other people tocommand my attention. For focusing on helping them improve their lives versus prioritizing mine.

Maybe Mathias's suggestion won't be the right fit. Or maybe it'll inspire me in a certain direction. But I won't know until I make a decision.

Until I take another step forward and start living life on my own terms.

“I'd like to see Polina’s Place, if it's not too much trouble,” I say. The caveat softens my assertion, but it's still a win. A move in the right direction.

One more step.

***

Two hours later, Mathias leaves me with Jessie, a peppy young woman, who outlines how Polina’s Place runs.

“We’re equipped to care for fifteen women and children at this location, but there’s a larger apartment-type building downtown where we can take in more. This home is for those that need a little extra care and distance from crowds.” She waves a hand to encapsulate the stately Victorian home on several acres of land.

A world away from the bustling city, it's easy to see why this little slice of heaven would feel safer for the most vulnerable residents.

“Mathias said you’d like to volunteer. What sort of talents do you have? We try to match tasks to volunteer strengths.”

Shit.My day job skills are the only things I can think to offer, my mind totally blanking on what talents I possess. I'm not a hobbyist who gathers a variety of expertise in her spare time. I'm a homebody who reads or binges TV to escape reality.

If they need someone to watchThe Mentalistand swoon over Simon Baker with, then I'm their girl. Otherwise? I feel pretty useless.

“I’m a graphic designer. My job was to handle the marketing materials for my last company.”

“Excellent!” Jessie claps her hands in excitement as our tour comes to an end at the front of the house.

Mathias waits on the wraparound porch with the head of our security detail, Nathaniel. He’s the stoic type—quiet and alert, always searching for danger.

“Why don’t we go to my office, and we can discuss what’s coming up event-wise and have you work your magic?”

“I can't guarantee magic,” I joke, “But I'm happy to do whatever I can.”

My natural tendencies lead me to help others, and Polina’s Place is full of women and children who deserve it. They’re not selfish or greedy. They don’t want to use me rather than put in the work themselves like Bailey or my family.

They won't distort my instinct to help into its most toxic form.

This is a good place.

A good first step to figuring out who I want to be.

A good first step toward building a life in Boston…with Mathias.

CHAPTER TWENTY

MATHIAS

LUCA:Come to the chapel. There’s someone here you’ll want to meet.

The text interrupts hours of combing through lines of black and white data, so I’m happy for the reprieve.

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