Page 59 of Broken Deal

This is a promise I make for myself. For her.For us. As I let go of her against my own will, I understand now the queasy feeling I had in the pit of my stomach before. I amnotdone with her. One more taste was not enough.

It never will be.

This is the beginning of something new.

1 God help me.

2 Beautiful.

Even with the beautiful Panamá weather, I’ve been holed up in my room all day, working on articles Max has been sending me to edit and proofread. Even though he was more than excited when I told him I was going to follow Lorenzo around this summer, my absence from the office didn’t stop him from giving me all this extra work we both know belongs to him, not me. This has been a secret I’ve kept since Max became editor in chief. It all started innocently when I told him I wanted to dip my toes into editing because I used to have a side gig during college, and I wanted to keep honing that skill. It’s not the same editing my work vs. other people’s.

He quickly agreed—that should have been my first red flag—and started giving me assignments here and there until they became more frequent. And now? I edit most, if not all, people’s work at the office while he takes all the credit. And while other times I would hate the fact I’m being drowned in work, it’s currently a welcomed reprieve, because I’ve been able to successfully avoid Lorenzo all day.

The next time I fuck you, Blue, it’s going to be because you want me—us. Not because you’re looking to escape reality.

That comment left me stunned. Isn’t that why he sleeps around, too? I can’t speak for him, but when I sleep with people, it’s because Iwantto escape reality, feel good for a fraction of a moment, and relinquish all control. I guess this means I have no way of getting him out of my system. He just had to be the voice of reason and ruin it. I practically—scratch that—Iactuallypropositioned him, and herejectedme. The one time I decide to break my one-night stand rule and this happens. God, I’m an embarrassment.

Lying in bed, I brush a strand of hair away from my face with a frustrated sigh, staring at the ceiling, wondering what the hell my life has boiled down to. Single by choice and stuck with a job I could grow to love, if only I didn’t have the worst boss in the world. I wanted to become an author, yet that dream is so far back in my head it’s starting to accumulate spiderwebs. At this point, I’m not even sure it’s my dream anymore. I don’t even know what my dreamis. I’ve been trying to survive and forgetting I have to continue to build my future. Except, I see no future in sight. I’m floating through life right now, and I have grown comfortable.Toocomfortable.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and I bring my pillow to my face and groan. The knocking annoyingly continues until I hop out of bed and open the door.

The corner of his full lips twitches as his eyes roam my body. “Glad to know you’re alive. How’ve you managed to avoid me all day, I don’t know, but consider me impressed.”

“What a shame it’s over,” I murmur under my breath.

He purses his lips momentarily. “I checked in on the restaurant this morning, and they are working relatively fast. But we may need to stay a few more days.”

“Cool.”

“Out of all the things I thought you were going to do, giving me the cold shoulder was not one of them.” He crosses his arms and leans against the door frame. “I had all these fun things planned for today, and you disappeared on me.”

I let out a long, resigned sigh. “Didn’t particularly feel like spending time with the guy who rejected me. And you forget I have a job.”

He doesn’t falter at my comment. Instead, he asks, “Ready to sleep with me because you want to?” He raises an eyebrow. “And isn’t your job to be my shadow and write the article?”

“That’s never going to happen,” I fire back. To myself, I mutter, “And no, I have many other things to do.”

“You keep saying these things with so much certainty, yet I never believe you,” he muses.

I’m not sure I believe the things I say much either. I told myself I was going to keep things professional, and we know how that turned out. I lied through my teeth and told him he wasn’t memorable. I’ve denied the attraction between us, day in and day out. I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. Would it be so horrible to accept I want to sleep with him because I want to and not because I’m looking for an escape?

I could keep doing this back and forth with him all day, but I’d rather keep it in the back of my head at this point. With a resigned sigh, I ask, “So, where are we going?”

He perks up, his eyes sparkling as a smile plays on his lips. “You’re saying yes?”

“As long as what you have planned is fun.” I shrug. “I don’t see why not.”

He rubs his hands together, giving me a mischievous grin. “Oh, it’s going to be fun, alright.”

After spending all day in my room working and feeling sorry for myself, this is the last place I would have thought I’d end up.

Yet here I stand, helmet and goggles in hand, getting ready toskydive. Adrenaline curses through my body, and I’m shaking from excitement. While other people would be scared, I get such a high from doing things like these. When we arrived and Lorenzo said what we were doing, tears threatened to come out. This was something I told him in passing while we were playing our silly question game, and he kept it locked in his memory. No one has ever done something like this for me. I’m always the one going the extra mile for everyone—not that I mind, it’s what I’m used to. And for once, I don’t feel like fighting back. This has been my dream all my life, after all, and I want to take advantage of it.

“You good?” Lorenzo asks.

I shriek excitedly. “Are you fucking kidding me? I’m so excited I could throw up. This is the best idea you’ve ever had. Thank you.”

He grabs my helmet and places it on top of my head with a chuckle. “It’s no big deal.” His hand grazes my cheek as he fastens the helmet, and the simple touch makes my stomach flip. Leave it to me not to be nervous about skydiving, but one touch from Lorenzo and I’m a goner. “Only agirl like you would say it’s their dream to skydive. You’re a woman full of surprises, Blue.”

---