Page 69 of Off Limits

“You know what that feels like?” I asked.

I’d never talked to anyone about what happened with my mom. After all these years, it felt good to get that off my chest.

He studied me for a moment, then let out a soft sigh. “Yeah. My stepmother did the same thing with my dad. He was never a good dad, not to me at least, but he really started to pull away after they got serious. He cut me off when I turned eighteen.” He toyed with his tongue stud. “He has no problem playing dad to her kids and putting all his time and energy into them but couldn’t even let me crash on his couch when I told him I was about to be homeless. Didn’t even offer to float me some cash or anything. Just said it wasn’t a good time and I needed to figure it out on my own. He literally doesn’t care what happens to me as long as I don’t stress his new family out by reminding them I exist.”

I’d wondered about that back when he’d asked if he could stay with me. Even with everything that had gone down with my mom, I had no doubt she would have done whatever she could to help me if I’d gone to her in Asa’s position.

He huffed out a sound that could have been a laugh but was devoid of humor. “The only reason he had any visitation time at all was because he was forced to. He didn’t want any custody, and my mom only wanted half. The judge decided mom should get me most of the time because she had more money and lived closer to school.”

One of the few reasons Asa and I hadn’t killed each other when we were teens was because of our custody schedules. I did one week on, one week off with my parents, while he only saw his dad every other weekend. That limited our time together, especially when we were forced to share a room my senior year.

My parents had agreed on half custody, and the only fighting they did in court was over assets and support payments. I couldn’t imagine what knowing my parents fought because they didn’t want me to live with them would have done to me.

No wonder Asa acted the way he did. My mom might have abandoned me as an adult, but she’d been a good mom to me growing up. It sounded like he hadn’t had that with either parent.

He wrinkled his brow, like he was doing some mental math. “Wait, you said your siblings are three. That means you talked to her four years ago…”

“Yup.” I waited to see if he’d put the final pieces together.

Asa was nothing if not observant, and his pattern recognition skills were insane. He was that guy who could figure out the entire plot of a movie from the first ten minutes and see plot twists from the first moment of foreshadowing. It was as annoying as it was impressive.

“You went to see her when you were home for Christmas, right before we…”

“Ding ding ding.”

“So your mom cut you off, and you were so pissed that you fucked me.” He smirked, but there was a darkness behind it that told me he wasn’t offended or upset.

“Pretty much. I mean, that’s not the only reason, but that’s what pushed me over the edge.”

He nodded, his gaze calculating. “I figured there was something that triggered it. I had no clue what, but I knew you were using me to work shit out that night.”

“What about you? Were you working shit out?”

He studied me for a few beats. “Yes.”

I waited to see if he’d elaborate. This conversation should have happened four years ago; we might as well have it now while we were trauma dumping.

“I was trying to figure out if I’m gay or not.” He held my gaze. “I thought I was, but I wasn’t so sure I liked people. You helped me figure out that both are true.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not a secret you’re the first guy I slept with, but did you know you’re the first I did anything with?”

“The first guy, you mean?” I asked slowly. He was eighteen when we first hooked up. He hadn’t messed around with another guy before me?

“Nope, first person.”

My jaw dropped like it had been unhinged.

What the hell? He’d never been with anyone at all before that night? I hadn’t just taken his virginity. I’d literally been his first everything, except his first kiss, since we hadn’t kissed that night.

Jesus. That meant he’d had sex before he’d kissed someone? That messed with me more than I wanted to admit.

“Like I said, I wasn’t sure if I even liked people at that point. I liked looking at guys and thinking about them but never really had the desire to do anything with one until that night.” He smirked. “Do you remember how it started?”

I nodded, still too shocked to speak.

We’d been arguing about something stupid, and he said something that made me snap. I shoved him, which was the first and only time I’d ever put hands on him, but instead of hitting me back or being mad, he made a crack that set me off again, and the next thing I knew, I had him against the wall and we were both hard.

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