Page 61 of Intercept My Heart

“You never answered my question earlier. You said there were a lot of things you didn’t know then that you know now,” he pressed, kicking his shoes under my coffee table.

“When I found out I was pregnant, it seemed as if my world was ending and beginning all at the same time. The doctors told me that there was a chance they wouldn’t make it, and if by some miracle they did, I would likely not be able to have any more kidsbecause of the trauma I’ve suffered. When your aunt gave me those pills, it wasn’t my first time having an abortion.

“One of the families I lived with took me to a woman who did abortions in her basement. I was only eleven, and they didn’t want anyone to know about what was going on, so they tried to fix the issue themselves. I ended up getting really sick, but they never took me to the hospital because they were afraid of what would happen to them. It was a miracle that I even got pregnant the second time, and when I found out about the twins, the doctor made it clear that due to the scar tissue, it would be next to impossible for me to get pregnant if I terminated another pregnancy. They were the last chance I would have to become a mother.

“Throughout my whole pregnancy, I worried about whether or not I would be able to love them the way they deserved. Now I know that there isn’t anything that could ever change the way I feel about them. The moment those results came, a feeling of relief came over me, but the strength of my love for them never wavered. I realized that I allowed fear to hold me back for no reason. No matter who their father was, they would always be mine to love unconditionally. They saved me in ways I never imagined. They gave me strength on the days I wanted to give up.”

“Do you think you would have handled things differently if we hadn’t been broken up?” His question gave me something to think about. I never really considered the what ifs because they wouldn’t have changed my reality.

“I don’t know. I would have been afraid of you not accepting them if things had gone a different way, but I feel like you would have been there. That’s another thing I’ve learned from all of this. I underestimated the power of love. In my head, there was too much for us to recover from, and I thought I had to figure things out on my own. It was a foolish decision becausewhenever I found myself in a difficult situation, you were the only person I knew I could call.”

“So why the fuck didn’t you tell me! I’ve been racking my brain for the last five days, trying to understand how I dropped the ball. What did I do that made you feel as though you couldn’t trust me? You didn’t even give me the opportunity to help you or to make things right, and I thought you knew me better than that. If you would have come to me about what Drake did, none of this would have happened,” Dinero argued. There wasn’t much of a rebuttal on my end because it was true.

“I didn’t want you to look at me differently. I’ve always been damaged goods to the world but not to you. You made me feel like I mattered and that I was worth loving. I wouldn’t have survived you seeing me as dirty or ruined.” I wiped my tears with the back of my hands.

“Why would I ever see you that way? I would have been angry that it happened, but I would have never blamed you for it.”

“Be honest, Dinero. If you knew what Drake had done to me, would you have still wanted me?” He studied me for a moment as silence loomed over us.

“My love for you would have never wavered one way or the other. We wouldn’t have been together, though.” I swallowed the lump in my throat because hearing those words pained me.

“W-why not?”

“Because I would have been in prison for murder, and I would have never allowed you to wait for me.” Taking in his words, regret began to take over. I allowed my emotions to lead and made a mess of so many things.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. I don’t know how to make this right.”

“Fuck!” I watched as Dinero stood and began to pace the room. The pained expression on his face caused my stomach to churn.

“I don’t know how to fix this. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but at the time, I was so broken. I never wanted you to see me that way.” I swiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt. All this had brought back all the emotions I’d been holding in for so many years.

“I don’t know what to do either. I’m still trying to understand all of this. Every time I think about it, I get so mad. You were on the phone with me when I accused you of fucking him. You could have told me the truth right then, and I would have taken care of it. I would have made things right. Why didn’t you trust me? Fuck!” Dinero shouted, punching the wall next to me as I jumped. Even though I believed he would never physically harm me, I still felt uneasy.

“This is too much. I’m so fucking angry, I don’t trust myself right now because all I see is red. Everybody around me has been keeping secrets, and now I’m left trying to make sense of all of this shit. I don’t even know what to do with my anger because if I did what was on my heart, I would be in prison right now.”

My head dropped in disappointment, knowing I played a role in his anguish.

“I understand if you hate me. I probably deserve it.” He paused in the middle of the room before turning to face me.

“You didn’t trust me.” His statement caught me off guard.

“What?”

“You said I was your rock and the one person in the world you could count on, but when shit hit the fan, you didn’t trust me. You called me your hero, but how could I be if you didn’t feel safe enough to tell me the truth.” I stood there speechless because I had no answers for him. At the end of the day, Dinero’s feelings were valid. I shut down on him and closed myself off from receiving the support I needed.

We stood there, putting all our feelings on the table. Eventually, Dinero went outside and returned with two duffel bags in his hands.

“The linen closet is straight ahead when you go up the stairs. You can use the shower in our son’s bathroom, or you can take a bath in mine,” I offered.

“Damn, I must really smell like shit for you to keep offering it. I’m about to take a shower, but this is for you.” My eyes dropped down to the duffel bag that he placed at my feet. I eyed him curiously before opening it. My jaw dropped when I saw the stacks of money inside.

“W-what is this?” I’d never seen this amount of money before. It looked like he had robbed a bank.

“It’s yours.”

“Okay, but what is it for? This is a lot of money. I don’t need you clearing out your bank account for the kids. We’re perfectly fine.” Dinero chuckled heartily while I stood there, confused.

“Baby girl, that money right there wouldn’t even put a dent in my bank account. Just consider it a gift. Something you rightfully deserve. I will take you to the bank tomorrow to set up Cash and Moolah’s accounts. I’ll be depositing money into the accounts every two weeks. It will mainly be for their day-to-day expenses and an allowance for when they go places with their friends. Then, we can set one up for you for child support. I was thinking twenty thousand a month, but if you need more, we can negotiate.”

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