Page 42 of Intercept My Heart

“Where is their father? If you don’t mind me asking. I’ve been around a lot of young boys, and it seems like he may need a mentor to help him work through his feelings,” Dre asked. When I glanced back at Sunny, she appeared shaken by his question, which sparked concern. I hadn’t seen Charae in thirteen years, and she wasn’t pregnant back then, so I assumed she must have met someone shortly after our breakup. There were a lot ofquestions lingering in my mind, and I could feel myself getting upset.

“I need to get my boys home and fed before I head back to work. Can we talk tomorrow? I can meet you here when I drop the boys off in the morning.” This time, she looked directly at me. I wanted to say no and demand that she talked to me right here and now, but I had to respect her time. She might have a man or something, and I would hate to fuck him up in front of his family if he came at me crazy.

“Yeah, I’ll be here at seven.”

“Okay. Ummm I guess I’ll see you then. I’m sorry about whatever took place today. I’m gonna have a talk with him when we get home.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. Nothing else was said as she got into her car and drove away.

“What do you think all that was about?” I asked Dreis. Usually, he was my sounding board when I needed advice on certain things.

“I’m not a hundred percent sure, but if I were you, I would prepare for anything. I have a feeling whatever she’s about to tell you is gonna shake some shit up.” I stood there with my hands in my pockets. Things were about to change, and I could feel it. The only thing I wasn’t sure about was whether it would be for the better or worse.

“I’msure it won’t be as bad as you think, Rae. I mean, you said it yourself that he’s a good guy. If you explain what happened to you, I’m sure he’ll be understanding.” Tamia reassured me while I was having a complete meltdown. I thought I had buried my past when I packed my stuff up and moved for the second time. Now, here I was, face-to-face with the one part of my past I never wanted to relive.

“Mimi, this isn’t about him being understanding. I know Dinero, and he’ll want to get to the bottom of things.”

“As he should. If the boys are his, he has a right to know.”

“But what if they aren’t?” I could barely bring myself to say the words. It was the reason I never spoke about the twins’ paternity to a soul outside of my girls. After Drake attacked me, I went into a deep depression. For weeks, I sat in my room and cried for days on end until I finally became numb. I had lost so much in life, but after losing Dinero, the emptiness inside of me grew unbearable.

I withdrew from school because I couldn’t bring myself to continue living in the same state as the two men who broke me in one way or another. My girls convinced me to take a semester off and then enroll in another school when I got ready. However, after I missed my second period, my plans were derailed. Themoment the doctor confirmed my pregnancy, a dark cloud loomed over me. How could God allow this to happen after everything I’d already been through?

Tamia and Laiti held me while I cried my heart out. Arnessa ended up moving out of the apartment because of her guilt. In the beginning, I carried so much anger and animosity toward her that I avoided her at all costs. What happened to me wasn’t her fault, but my anger wouldn’t allow me to see it. Tamia and Laiti held my hand throughout my pregnancy and tried their best to keep me in good spirits. However, we all avoided the elephant in the room until after the twins were born.

I thought about an abortion, but my doctor made it clear that due to the scar tissue from my first one, I ran the risk of never being able to get pregnant again. I wanted to have children, so I decided to go along with the pregnancy regardless of who the father might have been.

I hoped they would come out looking like me because I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing Drake’s face every time I looked into my children’s eyes. God granted my wish because they came out looking as if I created them by myself. While that soothed some of my fears, it still didn’t answer the lingering question of who their father was.

Since Dinero and I had sex less than a week before my attack, it was difficult to determine my conception date. The easy solution would have been for me to test Dinero’s DNA, and I attempted to reach out to him when I first found out, but things didn’t go as planned. The night I gave birth to the twins, I planned to message Dinero, but I ended up on his social media page instead. He appeared to be at a birthday party for Dre, which wouldn’t have been a problem had he not been in the photo with Drake.

My heart shattered into a million pieces when I saw that photo, and I canceled any idea of telling him the truth. Since Inever went to the police about what happened to me, there was no way Dinero would believe me because of the timing of things. Plus, Drake must have told him a different story about what happened, and he would probably have thought I was lying to save face. Then I started to think that maybe he was in on it. It sounded crazy now, but I was going through so many emotions at the time. I didn’t know who I could trust.

I heard stories where rapists were able to gain custody of their children, and I refused to co-parent with that disgusting human being. So, my solution was to raise my children without a father. It seemed like a much easier route than the truth. The truth had the potential to destroy me, and I couldn’t handle it. Over the years, I made one other attempt to reach out to him, but his response made me realize why I stayed away for so long. These were my babies, and I accepted the responsibility with open arms.

Tamia and Laiti were the only ones who knew the full truth, and they never pressed the issue. They encouraged me to move on my own time because they understood the damage I endured. Now, I needed to figure out the best way to approach this situation.

“Rae, if anyone understands what you’ve been through, it’s me. I’ve been in your corner from the very beginning. I understand why you’ve kept this to yourself, but now it’s time for a new plan. The man is going to want answers, and you’re the only person who can give them to him. I know you’re worried about whether or not Drake is their father, but be honest with yourself. What difference does it make now? You love your children regardless, and their having his DNA won’t change how you feel about them.

“Even if he were to find out about them and try to fight you for custody, you have the upper hand on him. You could ruin his life with your truth, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want the world toknow what he did. Even if you can’t prove it, the implications alone could ruin his brand and cost him thousands. He wouldn’t want to take that risk.” The idea of having to interact with him in any way made my skin crawl.

Drake starred in many of my nightmares, and that was where I preferred to keep him. Every day, I regretted my decision not to go to the police, but I panicked. The public ridicule alone frightened me, as I saw what happened to women who went up against popular athletes. Mentally, I wasn’t strong enough to handle the repercussions of going after someone so well-loved in our community, especially with my past.

“I need a drink. I can’t even deal with any of this right now.” I groaned.

“Say less. I have a bottle in the car. You know, for emergency purposes, of course.” Tamia walked out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My sons were outside playing with the kids in the neighborhood, but I planned to sit down and talk with them tonight.

When I gave birth to Cashynn and Cashmir, they were so perfect their paternity was the last thing on my mind. They filled a void in me, a void I’d had since I was a child. They loved me unconditionally, and I loved them more than anything on this earth. They gave me a run from my money once they learned how to walk, but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything in this world.

Cashynn, aka Moolah, came out of the womb first, and he wouldn’t let anyone forget it. A born leader and a menace all in one. Cashmir, on the other hand, was my calm child. He stayed out of trouble and played mediator for his brother most of the time. Watching them grow over the years had been such an honor. They changed my life for the better, regardless of their origin.

As I walked into the living room, I smiled at all the awards and trophies decorating my walls and bookshelves. My boys were excelling both academically and athletically. Proud was an understatement. I never missed a single game or award ceremony. They were the bright light in a dark time, and I would always be grateful for them.

They’d asked me a few times about their father, but at the time, I didn’t know how to answer their question. I simply explained that he wouldn’t be around. There was no easy way to tell them their father was either the love of my life who broke my heart or his best friend who raped me. I shuddered just thinking about it. I wanted to run and hide from all of this, but I couldn’t escape it anymore.

Seeing Dinero brought back so many emotions I thought were buried long ago. I hadn’t loved anyone since him. I loved him, and it killed me to no longer be able to see him as the protector he once was to me.

“I’m back!” Tamia walked in with two bottles in her hands.

“Umm, friend. I thought you said you had one bottle in the car.”

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