Page 58 of Intercept My Heart

“You’re sitting here talking about how selfish it was for her to keep a secret like this from me, but aren’t you keeping a secret from me, Tootie? Or should I call you mom?” She looked over to Uncle Ro as if she needed assistance. Of course, he put on a front as if he was unmoved by the conversation.

“Dinero, I don’t know what you think you heard, but?—”

“If you are going to sit in my face and lie, you might as well save it. Either tell me the truth, or you don’t ever have to worry about me again,” I warned. Her shoulders dropped, and tears pooled in her eyes. Why did people like to cry when they realized they’d been caught?

“You can save the tears because they don’t mean shit to me. Tell me the truth. You owe me that much,” I hissed.

“Aye, I don’t give a fuck how mad you are. You are going to talk to her with respect. At the end of the day?—”

“Don’t you dare sit in my fucking face trying to give me a pep talk. You lied to me! You knew that you two were the only family I had in this world, and you chose to lie to me! I don’t have to give you respect because that shit is supposed to be earned. Ain’t that what you taught me, Unc? Huh?” I was fuming. His words set me off because everyone wanted me to be understanding of the bullshit they put me in.

“I wanted to tell you, Nero, so many times, but as time passed, it grew harder and harder to come clean. You were grieving, and I didn’t think it was best to add insult to injury. I know I messed up, but please, I’m begging you to give me achance to explain what happened. I know you are upset, and you have every right, but let me get it all out before you make any decisions.” A part of me wanted to walk out of the door and never look back, but I deserved the truth.

“Come on. Let’s go into the living room so we can talk.” Tootie held her hand out, but I stared at it. We headed to the family room in silence. I took a seat on the couch opposite of them. Uncle Ro served as Tootie’s support system, which I found to be funny when he was just yelling at her a few moments ago.

“Look, Son.”

“Don’t call me your son, mothafucka.” I tried to hold it in, but I was pissed off. He had a lot of nerve calling me his son after all the shit I’d been through.

“I’m gonna allow you to slide with the disrespect because you’re in your feelings, and you still have a lot of growing to do.”

“Fuck you. If anyone needs to grow up, it’s you. How could you look me in the face and then betray me like that?”

“It wasn’t as simple as you’re making it seem. Tootie and I were young as fuck when she got pregnant with you. Neither of us was ready for a baby, and to be honest, I was too deep in the streets to be a father. Hell, I wasn’t even a good boyfriend, if we’re being honest. I suggested that she get an abortion, but she was raised in a Christian home, and they were against it.

“There were a lot of things that happened between us, and neither of us was fit to raise you. When things got too difficult for us to balance, I reached out for help. Your father was my older brother, and he did what older brothers do. Save the day. He and your mom were older, and they were having trouble having kids of their own, so they offered to take care of you until we were stable enough to provide you with the life you deserved.” Tootie sat there with tears streaming down her face.

“What happened after that, because neither of you ever got your shit together enough to come back for me?”

“My life grew more dangerous. As I moved up in the ranks, I spent less and less time in the city. After a while, I would be lucky if I could come home a few times a year, and it’s not like I could turn the jobs down. Once you’re in the mafia, that’s it.” His excuses were expected, so I brushed him off. Ro always had an excuse for why he wasn’t around, and I never cared to hear them.

“And what about you? All of these years, you’ve gone out of your way to make sure I was taken care of, yet you never actually stepped up as a parent. Why would you allow me to live in that big ass house by myself when you knew I had nobody! I mean, do y’all understand how bad you fucked me up? I basically grew up with no parents and no family after my parents were killed, and neither of you stepped in to make sure I was okay.”

“That’s not true! I took care of you. You never had to worry about bills or anything else because I made sure you were straight. You had more money and cars than any other kid your age. I kept you in the big house so you could be away from the hood and so I could keep an eye on you. I kept your pockets laced, making sure you never had to depend on a soul for anything.” My head was planted in my hands as my elbows rested on my thighs. Taking a deep breath, I willed myself to calm down.

“Do you hear yourself? You gave me money and paid the bills, as if you were doing me some sort of favor! I was a fucking kid, nigga! You left me in that house by myself with nobody. You waited five months while I grieved the death of my parents, and then you went right back to your regular life. As if I hadn’t lost my parents and needed someone to lean on. You rarely called, and when you did, the shit was short. You never asked how I was feeling because you didn’t fucking care! Everyone got to go on and live their lives the way they wanted to, while I’m the one who grew up alone.”

“We didn’t mean for it to be that way. I wanted to move you in with me, but we figured that you would be happier in the house that your parents raised you in. I thought that if I came to see you and made sure you had food to eat, you wouldn’t feel like you were alone. I brought you to stay with us for the summers to keep an eye on you, but I knew you missed your home, so I didn’t want to push you too much.” I laughed, and it reverberated around the room. These people were really sitting here trying to make me understand how they ended up being the shittiest parents I’d ever heard of.

“Unbelievable. I don’t even have too much else to say.” I shrugged, sitting up in my seat. “I see why you gave me up because the two of you are by far the worst human beings to ever become parents. You should have gone ahead and got the abortion because I promise your decision wasn’t any better. I’m fucked up in the head, and now I understand why. You really could have kept this truth to yourself, because it makes the two of you look even worse than I originally thought. What you did was child neglect, and you could have gone to jail for it. Now you’re sitting in my face trying to justify the fuck shit you’ve done.”

“Baby, I know?—”

“You don’t know shit! I have been in therapy for years, trying to process why everything in my professional life seemed to fall in line, but my personal life was so fucked up. Y’all really ain’t shit, but at least I finally have the answers I need.” I stood up from my seat to leave.

“Please don’t leave like this. I know you’re upset, so maybe you need to take some time to process everything. It would tear me apart if you rushed out of here and ended up in an accident or worse. Please,” Tootie begged.

“Naw, I can’t stay here. The way I’m feeling inside, I’ll fuck around and do some shit none of us can come back from, so it’s best if I leave. Do me a favor, though.”

“Anything. You name it, and it’s done.”

“Forget that I ever existed. I really hope the shit was worth it. You never wanted a son, and now you don’t have one.” With that, I walked out of the house so I could get as far away from it as possible. Uncle Ro yelled my name, but I never bothered to turn around. When a large hand grabbed my shoulder, I lost all control.

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

“You can’t leave out of here like this. I get that you’re upset, but there are a lot of things you don’t understand.”

“You can save all that shit for someone who cares. You had plenty of time to tell me the truth, but you chose not to, and now you think I owe you something for being caught in your own lies? Nigga, fuck you. You ain’t shit to me,” I spat. The veins in his forehead protruded, but I didn’t give a fuck. He never cared about me, so why should I give a fuck about his feelings.

---