Page 108 of Intercept My Heart

“When Tootie and I first got together, we were both young and dumb.

Roland was in the streets, and I wanted to follow in his footsteps as the younger brother. Eventually, he got married, and things started to shift for him. He wanted to get out of the streets, and I was just getting started. Tootie and I were on and off, for the most part, so I played around like most young catsmy age. I was young, fresh as fuck, and getting money, so women were coming at me left and right.

“When Tootie told me she was pregnant, I told her to get rid of it. I wasn’t trying to be tied down to anything or anyone. She refused, telling me that she would take care of you by herself. Of course, I wasn’t going for that shit, so I agreed to help with you. The pregnancy went smoothly, but it really didn’t set in until she went into labor. It was like one minute I was living a carefree life, smoking, drinking, and kicking it, and the next, they were telling me that there was a chance the two of you could die.

“They performed an emergency C-section to try to get you out before you lost oxygen to your brain. I ain’t know what any of that shit meant. I was only eighteen years old, having to make these major decisions about a baby I had no real attachment to. There were some complications with the surgery, and we almost lost Tootie. I called my brother, panicking, so they raced to the hospital to be with me.

“Tootie’s mama was a judgmental Christian, who cared more about what other people thought. She ain’t have no daddy, so there wasn’t anyone there to make decisions on her behalf. The doctors were able to save her, but due to her pain, they prescribed her narcotics. I never thought twice about it until a few weeks after we came home from the hospital. I’d been around enough pill heads to recognize the gleam in their eyes. Tootie denied it for weeks until I walked into the house one day and found her passed out on the floor with you screaming in your crib.

“I asked your parents to take you for a while and then sent Tootie to rehab. The first stint, she relapsed within the first month home. We sent her to another treatment facility, but she did the same exact thing. I had been moved up in the ranks, so I didn’t have time to care for a baby. Your parents agreed to adopt you and raise you as their own. Tootie was against it, but I madeit clear that if she didn’t get clean, she would never get to see you again.

“Eventually, she got her shit together, but it was a long road. Tootie was broken. I knew that shit when I met her, but I had no idea how bad it was until she started therapy. Her mother had allowed a lot of men to come into their home and take advantage of her children. Tootie wasn’t just taking the pills to escape her physical pain.

“When she finally got clean, she wanted to take you back, but once she saw how happy you were, she settled for being a part of your life. It was hard for her at times, but she knew she couldn’t give you the kind of life they could. Roland and Chanice were older, more established, and they had money, all of the things Tootie lacked. I mean, you would have never lacked financially, but we both knew your quality of life would have been different.

“You might feel like it was a selfish decision, and you’re damn right it was. If I was going to give you anything, then you deserved the best. That’s exactly what you got. I don’t mind you being upset with me because I hid the truth from you, but I’ll never apologize for giving you the best life I could.”

His admission put a lot of things in perspective for me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn’t mad about them giving me away. I was pissed because they never told me the truth. I wasn’t sure if it would have made me feel better knowing or not, but I felt like I deserved the truth.

“I love my kids more than anything. I hate the fact that I missed so much time with them, because they are my greatest accomplishment.”

“And you think it was easy for us? The only reason I was able to move the way I did was because I knew you were in great hands. My brother practically raised me, so who better to take care of my seed? When you become a parent, it changes you. Inmy case, I never wanted you to go without like we did. I thought money was the answer, but I was wrong.”

“Where do we go from here?” As much as I wanted to hold a grudge against him, I knew I couldn’t. Not only would it hurt me, but it would negatively impact my kids, and I couldn’t have that.

“I’m on your time, Son. If you want to keep our relationship the way it’s always been, I’m cool with that. As long as I’m able to be a part of your life and my grandkids’ lives, I’ll be a happy man. Damn, that shit sounds weird to say out loud. I’m a grandfather.” I chuckled at his reaction.

“Yeah, it’s crazy.” I sat there staring at the coffee table. My mind was filled with all kinds of thoughts that were meshed into one.

“She’s gonna pull through. She has to.” He must have been reading my mind because Tootie crossed my mind at the exact moment.

“What if she doesn’t?” Tears burned the rim of my eyes as I tilted my head back on the love seat. All these emotions hit me at once, and I couldn’t control them.

“She will. Tootie is the strongest person I know, and that should say a lot, considering I’ve been around certified killers and drug lords. Her heart is stronger than anyone I’ve ever met. She has always been fearless, even when things were hard for her.”

“Do you love her?” The two of them were always on and off as far as I remembered, but she was the only one who had ever been close to the family.

“Always have, and I always will. It’s fucked up because I’ve been wanting to talk to her about it. I’ve spent all of these years running the streets and fucking every bitch I could get my hands on, but it did nothing for me. We used to fight like cats and dogs at times because she would always tell me that I didn’t know how to love. She was right, though. I let the money and power go tomy head. I took my time with her for granted because no matter what happened between us, she was always there.”

“What are you gonna do now? What happens if she wakes up?”

“Ain’t no ‘if.’ Tootie is gonna come back to us. I’m not accepting shit else,” he proclaimed with finality.

“And are the two of you going to be together?”

“You’re asking questions I can’t answer. All I know is she isn’t going to die. At least not right now. The last time we spoke, all she could talk about was how she wanted to make things right with you so she could be there for her grandbabies. She isn’t leaving up out of here until she can love on those boys of yours and you. As far as our relationship, Tootie deserves better.

“I’ve been selfish for years, and she deserves to be with someone who will put her first. I want her to be loved by someone who isn’t gonna hold anything back from her. She deserves that.”

“You’re willing to let another man love her?”

“As long as they can love her better than me, yeah. When you truly love a person, you want them to be happy regardless of whether you’re the one making them happy or not. You don’t feel the same way about Charae?”

“Hell no! I just ran off the last nigga who tried to take her out on a date. I would never feel comfortable with another man telling her what I was supposed to be. If I can’t be the man she needs, then I’ll go talk to that lady and sit on her couch until I can. I already fucked up by letting her leave the first time. It’s till death. There are a few things I need to clean up, but I won’t lose her again.” I made many mistakes in the past, but one thing I was certain of was that Charae wasn’t going anywhere.

“Well, I’m happy for you. I know how much she meant to you, so I’m happy to see the two of you were able to work through your differences. I pray the two of you are able to make it workfor the long haul. Don’t take her for granted, if you learn nothing else from me. Once you find the person who is meant for you, you have to do everything in your power to keep them.” I could tell he was reflecting on his past with Tootie.

I wasn’t in the place to judge him because I remembered what it felt like to be without Sunny for all those years. While I might have experienced success on the field, it could never make up for the loss of her love in my life. I never wanted to feel the void of losing her ever again.

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