Page 30 of Choke

She blinks like she might have misheard me, and her brain refuses to process what I’m saying. Then, her face crumples as the words sink in, and she reaches for the couch to balance herself. Her lips quiver, but I don’t waiver.

“No,” She whispers, her voice cracking. “You don’t mean it.”

I don’t answer, and her expression morphs into anger.

“This is abouther,isn’t it?”

I stand, grabbing my keys.

“You’re such a piece of shit, Adrian. Such a fucking coward.”

I don’t bother responding or glance back as I walk out the door.

The sound of something heavy hits the door and shatters. I pause for a moment at the top of the steps. I climb into my truck, fire up the engine, and pull onto the street. As I drive away, my phone lights up. A glance shows me it’s a text from Ronan:

“You better have sorted your shit out. Practice tonight at 9.”

The clock on my truck says it’s just before seven. I have enough time to stop by the station before practice. Pulling to the side of the road a few minutes later, I get the papers out of my center console. I read them over to ensure I have done them correctly, then flip to the last page and scribble my signature.

I’ve been considering this for a while now. The team is busy, the income is decent, and last week’s events have solidified the decision. I put the truck in gear and swing it around, heading to the station tosubmit my request. My phone lights up again, and Alice’s face appears on the screen. I decline the call and block her number.

She’s no longer my concern or problem.

I Love You

Lex

3 Years Ago

“I’ll come with you.”

Brandon’s voice is strained and shakes like he is holding back tears.

I keep my eyes on my dresser, transferring clothes from the drawers into my suitcase. I can’t stop packing. If I do, I’ll have to look at him; that’s the last thing I need. I knew this was coming; he should have known it was coming. This could have been easy, but of course, he’s going to make it brutal.

Think, Lex.

“Lex,” He says, trying to get me to turn to him.

This isn’t new news. I told him weeks ago I was going to Torhaven for this job. How can I not? The position doubles my salary and gets me out of this damn town, away from these people who have known me my entire life and will never see me as more than the quirky kid with one friend. Until now, I assumed he was okay with this. It’s been barely a year since we started seeing each other. He’s cute. He will find another girl he ignored in high school to settle down with.

My suitcase is only half-full, clothes are everywhere, and half-packed boxes line the walls of my bedroom. I have so much I still need to do, and I wasn’t expecting him to fight me on it for so long. I look at the boxes to the left and then to the right. The room smells musty because of the dust I kicked up, pulling out things that haven’t been touched since I moved in. I rub my hands on my thighs, trying to remove the grime left by the cardboard boxes. Everything feels so heavy, suffocating.

“Lex!” He yells, frustration creeping in.

I stop what I am doing but don’t immediately turn around. Instead, I run over options. I could tell him I cheated on him. Make him hate me. I dismiss this thought as soon as it enters my head. I do not want him repeating that to others. Taking a deep breath, I drop my head, deciding to play up the sad girl thing. Slowly, I turn around.

He is sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning forward. His long, curly hair is pulled into a messy bun; his hands are clenched into fists, turning his knuckles white. He’s never yelled at me, but I don’t think he’s angry; I think his heart is breaking.

God. He looks so fucking sad.

What if I tell him I’ll stay? Lie. Tell him I’ve changed my mind to get him to leave so I can finish packing. The idea leaves my mind almost as quickly as it entered. I’m going and lying won’t make this any easier.

“Brandon, come on,” I say, wrapping my arms around myself. “You know you can’t come with me. Your whole life is here.” My tone is soft and sweet. “It could be possible in the future, but your mom is sick.

Fuck. Nice one, Lex. Straight for the jugular.

Brandon’s mom was diagnosed with cancer at the end of last year, and the prognosis is, well, bad. He stiffens at the mention of her, his eyes dropping to the floor. I cross the room and fall to my knees in front of him. I reach for his face tenderly, shifting it so his eyes meet mine. His skin is flushed and hot, and he reaches out to place his hand on my side, gripping me like he’s trying to keep me here.

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